DANO\'S SUPREME CHICKEN Á LA FEEDBACK

D.O.D.F.E.D

CHEESE

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FEEDBACK!!!!

MR. AUSTIN:

General Mumbo Jumbo
Straight up I'm going to put on honesty pants on here; I've never been your biggest fan and don't usually look forward to reading your promos. Why? I have no idea. Since my inactivity in FMW you've become one of big stars and I can see why after reading the promo.

You're a very talented writer and I got sucked into this promo very quickly. I don't really know what has made RCA llike this and I feel like I'm meeting him for the first time.

Down To The Nitty Gritty
The different perspectives and great descriptions really made this promo ease to get into from the off. I was totally engrossed in it untill about 3/5 of the way through when I felt like it started to lose steam and I started checking how much more there was. I think it just got a bit ranty and repetitive for me. The Moment of Clarity stuff was a real strong theme throughout and Austin wondering aloud what he wants to be to FMW was really interesting. I feel like I know the character now which I didn't before.

After Glow
My feedback is a bit all over the place, sorry. I will never again groan prior to having to read one of your promos Chris, it was a solid read until the end where it lost a bit of zip. From what I've heard you are capable of much more and I look forward to reading more of your stuff in the future.

MR. CLARKE:

General Mumbo Jumbo
It was funny reading this promo and seeing a character I know so well in a different light and doing things that I never thought he would be doing. I was looking forward to reading this promo as I do with all your promos, I even managed to read it twice.

Down To The Nitty Gritty
The story zipped along very nicely, I still have no idea if I was a long promo or a short promo, all I know is that it was a QUALITY promo. The introduction of Katherine is in my opinion a masterstoke. We've both spoken before on how important secondary characters are in giving life to the primary character. Harley coming clean to her and telling her who he is/what he was was really well done and I commend you for leaving it out of the promo and leaving it to the reader to imagine what was said. Loved the Harley Quint/Harlequin thing it was very Clark Kent is just Superman wearing FUCKING glasses. I really like the Kevlaring up of the Peacoat for some reason, it made me smile. The rest of the promo felt like a graphic novel without the graphics. It had that Sin City, Watchmen, black and white with flashes of vivid colour feel to it. Blow by blow I was sucked into the well written fight scenes and found myself slightly marking out when Frost showed up. The journey's the two characters have gone on and how different they are now is so interesting and Harely's reaction to the distant gunshots was great. I thought you'd have trouble tying it into your match without disrupting the flow but I got it, I saw the comparisons. Really well done.

After Glow
Can I have more please? I want to read the next issues now! Exciting times ahead in the world of Harley Quint. There were a few typos and stuff like that that broke up the flow for me but nothing major and nothing that took away from my enjoyment of the promo. I can envisage that Syanide and Harley may cross paths again, maybe not in the ring but maybe in the City. Especially if we both continue on the paths we are going down at the moment. I tip my hat to you. /Clarkefanboy

MR. VIRUS:

General Mumbo Jumbo
I love mystery characters and I have been really marking for Virus. Even going so far as to reading old shows and going Ctrl+F=Virus to read all the segments and matches that he's popped up in. Twice I thought I knew who he was but now I'm even more confused.


Down To The Nitty Gritty
Solid, solid, solid. This promo isn't going to set the world alight but it was solid as a rock. Clipped along at a steady pace, told a great "origin" story and built some more intrigue. Only thing that I can say is that I felt the bit at the end with Virus talking directly to Wolfe felt tacked on.

After Glow
The great thing here is that there is so much story left to tell with Virus SO MUCH! You've promo upon promo of material left untapped which can only bode well. I know the character has lost nearly all the momentum it had prior to his debut but with the connections the Jarp and the mystery element I think the future is bright. Whoever you are mystery person you're a talented writer. I look forward to the next one.

MR. CROW:

General Mumbo Jumbo
slips in honesty pants Okay, before reading this promo I knew zip about your character except that you were in a tag team called Danse Macabre with Damien Inferno and that ye were well thought of as far as promo writers went. I came out of this promo with a good feel for the character, your skill as a promo writer and your style of writing so a tip of the hat to you Mr. Crow.

Down To The Nitty Gritty
A few coding errors with the Scorpioned Man speech which can be easily fixed. I liked your style, kid of a hybrid prose style. It was easy to read and I didn't find my attention waning which is always good. Really enjoyed the Aftermath section, well written and effective in settling up the following part(on a side not it really reminded me of the opening section of my post-Mt.V I promo). Solid premise for the second part, really good match referencing focusing on the strengths of both men but still getting across the Crow has it in him to best them both and underling his focus on getting to Drew and the Saints. If I was going to be nit-picky I'd say so of the dialog was a bit "wooden" for my taste and some of the descriptive pieces weren't that tight.


After Glow
Good effort here from you I have to say. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff in the future and seeing you develop.

MR/MRS. MOORE:

General Mumbo Jumbo
Same with Crow really, my first time reading one of your promos. All I really knew coming in was that you were a lady writing as a gentleman and that your character has a young brother/son Dominic. Don't know how I knew that...


Down To The Nitty Gritty
I'm still wearing my honesty pants so I'm going to be honest. I want to point out two that I don't know how much of Christian's past/backstory/character has been reveled in past promos(and I wouldn't mind a quicky recap from you if you wanted to tell me.)
The problem I had with this promo was that it just felt to me like a selection of interesting facts which had something to do with collateral damage and just a bit of dialog wrapped around the outside. It was an interesting way to go about promoing and I credit you with trying something new because I know how hard it is to promo for a clusterfuck. I just think it could have used some relevance, to the match, and some substance, character wise.

After Glow
You seem like a quite creative person so I think you'll be able to top this promo in the future. It was an interesting idea but just lacked a bit of execution that's all, in my humble opinion. Good effort.

MR. STEELE:

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Down To The Nitty Gritty


After Glow

MR. SPRUANCE:

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After Glow

HANAYAMA-SAN:

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After Glow

MR. CAPRICE:

General Mumbo Jumbo



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After Glow

MR. FROST:

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After Glow

MR.:

General Mumbo Jumbo



Down To The Nitty Gritty


After Glow

I would enjoy some feedback. And I will say this....I feel you and Clarke have a very similar style, one where you can almost see the action going on just by the words. I throughly enjoy reading a Syanide promo -- you never know what is gonna happen next!!

Thank you muchly for the feedback sir!

I'm glad my exclusion of the "telling Katherine he is the Harlequin" portion of the story was okay. I had written it a few times and each time I was entirely unimpressed. And it was something that needed to be hit home. So I figured the smartest idea was to exclude it and just have Quint seated alone at a coffee table afterwards thinking about it. There's no way I would have been able to do that conversation justice.

I'm glad the promo was well recieved, I'm having a lot of fun writing this version of Harles. And yes, I imagine our pathes will cross sooner rather than later. It seems almost inevitable.

I think you did the right thing leaving it out. Sometimes pivotal scenes like that can be ruined if you try and write them and not be able to get them right. I can't remember how many times I tried to write Syanide and Jane in the shack prior to it burning down. In the end I thought I'd just leave it.

Thank you for the feedback. Glad to see I could gain a little momentum back after a less than stellar stumbling out of the gates. Hopefully it continues to build.

Syanide wrote:

I think you did the right thing leaving it out. Sometimes pivotal scenes like that can be ruined if you try and write them and not be able to get them right. I can't remember how many times I tried to write Syanide and Jane in the shack prior to it burning down. In the end I thought I'd just leave it.

Yeah, I certainly lack the experience in telling people I was/being told people were serial killers, so I just think it all seemed forced. Admitting as Harlequin was easy, there was never any emotional attachment to other characters (at least those that would frown upon it) so it was easy to just pass it off. But with Quint and Lady Hookton having a bond there were complications that I didn't want to ruin. Same thing with the Jane scene. Sometimes the easiest way to capture strong emotion is to exclude it I guess.

Thanks for the feedback. I'm a lot more used to writing promos where it's just the character stood in front of a camera talking so I'm trying different ways of mixing it up.

As for some of Christian's background (which I did start mentioning in my 10.2 promo) is that Dominic was his Conjoined twin who after separation died, Christian didn't know that till he was around 6-7 when he "saw" Dominic in the mirror and was told by his brother that their mum had killed him. All very confusing but I'm hoping to get more in detail with it in the future.

Anyways, thanks again for the feedback.

Dano's feedback is

Either way, appreciate the kind, honest words.

RCA wrote:

Dano's feedback is

Either way, appreciate the kind, honest words.

I was afraid to come across as a dick and offend you but YEAH! I didn't.

I know you're a really great promo'er so maybe I hold you to a higher standard than everyone else. I will continue to be honest though.

Dano, we all appreciate the 'honesty pants' but above all others things, we're just happy you're wearing pants again.

Just because you say it's a 'no pants party' doesn't mean it is