Abel's Supreme feedback

After a one week break due to an act of god, I am back with some more feedback for those who want it and those who need it

Harley: As always a VERY good effort from you Jay. The reference to Celt just works on a few levels for me. I still don't feel the love for good Harley as much as I did for evil Harley yet but I think you are settling in to him. After all you can't go make a change as massive as that in a promo and I feel you are working into your groove.

Double Mummy: Feedbaxed over AIM

Gabriel: You stepped it up for Death Row and haven't come down since IMO. I'd like to see you work a little more on dialogue but other than that I can't offer any real criticism

RCA: it's 1 am, do you know where your feedback is?

Oh wait, here it is.........

What I liked:
I could feel your emotion through the promo and I feel like you make the warped vision of RCA almost make sense which is an impressive feat.
The dream sequence at the beginnning was really well written. Hell the whole beginning was VERY good.
Not so Much:
I got quite twisted around with some point of view stuff but that could have been me.
I thought it got a bit repetitive toward the end.I guess the last few paragraphs I ended up feeling like it was a bit of a rant and you had made your point well enough at the beginning that it was unnecessary.

All up a better than solid effort and I think you could really do a lot worse than maintaining the status quo for Austin and seeing where it takes you. I think you may be surprised.
I suspect you are thinking the same as me and probably holding back some of your best ammo in the knowledge we are going to tangle one on one at LI....

SYANIDE:

OK I don't want this to come out harsh but I had to read it twice just to look past the incredibly bad spelling. It was really really really distracting.

That said on the second go this is what I got... An awesome promo idea rolled in some really strong descriptions and topped off with a good dose of I want to know what the fuck happens next.

Man if you could only just fix up those typos and spelling errors....

AVO:

If your promo were a meal it would be a cheeseburger with extra cheese...... and a side serve of cheese fries.

Seriously I felt like I was watching a bad dating service advert like you see on late night TV.

Now it's not all bad, the ending at least was better than the rest and if you just made an effort to focus on the story instead of a 20 second flashback you have some good material.

Either that or embrace your cheesiness and just ham it up big time as a parody.

KAORU (did I get it right )

For mine this was EASILY your best effort so far. I think you write dialogue well and the bad english is quite well done and entertaining. Your structure is quite good and you tell a story. The kind of promo I like.

Your interest in the subject is also clearly evident through your writing and it just grabs attention and sucks you in when you know a writer is passionate and articulate.

Kudos to you.

All in all I am impressed with what I see.

By special request:

Skyler Striker:

Okay so I read this promo again just now and spent a little more time with it than on my first pass.

There are some really good parts to this promo and most of it involved the doctor. I feel the comparison between why he initially prescribed the drugs and the result of where Skyler has ended up was really strong. Rarely does someone get addicted to something without a (seemingly) rational reason for it and I liked how you did this.

The start was solid without being spectacular and the scene between Jade & Sarah was.....ok

I agree wholeheartedly with Jay's comment re: the one line scene about Trisha, it just seemed tacked on and completely pointless.

I also was a fan of your speech in the middle of the promo. Skyler came across as justifying his addiction which was just believable and the last line was really strong.

The speech at the end not so much. It just felt like you ripped it straight out of the TT thread.

What I would have liked to see: A crack....just a crack mind.... in the facade. At least a moment in the promo where Skyler's exterior broke just a little and the importance of Leon to him as a friend was acknowledged. I mean Skyler is kidding himself as much as the rest of us that he is fine and a moment of him letting that through would have worked well IMO

Leon Caprice:

I want to start by saying this was a well written, nicely structured promo. The symbolism to Skyler was obvious.

There was one thing that really bugged me about the whole thing though. The actions of Leon in this promo put him in a whole new place. He effectively tortured a man.... hardly the actions of someone who is

"about being the man that FMW needed him to be, to listen to the people, to take in the words of the atmosphere and allow them to have a physical presence inside of himself"

more the actions of a man who sees himself above the law and will act as he sees fit regardless of repercussions.

If that was a concious decision then fine, but its the last kind of action I would have expected from Leon.

Other than that I have nothing to pick out. The idea for using everyones thoughts on Skyler was a good one that perhaps could have been better executed i feel but it was a neat idea.

Mark:

What I liked: Symbolism was good. Not the ridiculously obvious kind (see my promo) or the very hard to spot kind (see anything from Harley )

I like you story and you have strong characters to work around. I think your jokes at Mark's own expense were rather amusing. A little bit of aussie coming out in the character there.... Also liked the ending, very clever.

Not so much:
Coding errors....
Coding errors....
coding errors....
Could of been a little longer

Seth:

Definitely your best effort for a little while.

The broke seth thing worked better this time. The scene with Smitten was good.
The scene with the spirit of Annalisa was the weakest part for me. It was not well written and didn't really add anything to the promo that I noticed.

The only other thing I might make comment on is just that the promo as a whole was maybe a bit too busy. There was a lot of shit happening and some of it got a bit lost as you jumped around.

All up though a vastly imrpoved effort and you should go close to a big upset win

Thanks for the feedback. I'm gonna make a few changes like you suggested before the penalty deadline, so once I've done that if you have an extra feedback after I've done that I would gratefully appreciate it.

Also I'll try and give ya some feedback on yours later once I can get 5 minutes peace from the kids to read it properly instead of skimming it.

Hopefully it's about to be given, Abel.

Thanks for the feedback sir!

Writing evil sociopath Harley was so easy (I don't know if that says good things about me or not) and you're right in your assessment, it's been a little more difficult settling down into Quint. But I certainly feel I'm starting to hit my stride a little better. What is planned for the future I hope will draw people back in to what Quint is.

I would love some feedback on mine Mr. Steele....Thank you!!

RCA wrote:

Hopefully it's about to be given, Abel.

Updated....

AVO I will try and get to you tonight along with a few others

Shit, thanks for the heads up. There's whole sections of the promo that I haven't spell checked. Thanks for that mate and the feedback in general.

I'll hit you back pretty soon, just working on Moore's now.

This promo was intended to be somewhat cheesy as it was a drunk Axel remembering the past. I chose the song I did for the cheese factor actually. I wanted to let you guys into Axel's world a lil bit and show why he is prepetually stuck in the bottle. So essentially the flashback was the story. I plan on remaining in the here and now for most of the promos I do from here on out. I do have a pretty good idea whereI am heading next, the ham and cheese is going to stay on though, because that's kind of how I intend "in the bag" AVO to be, a caricture of the wild 80s hair metal era. Thank you for the awesome feedback it is always appreciated.

Guys I have some time tonight and then that is it for Suremacy feedback. If anyone wants to hear my opinion shout out.l

Can I get some feedback Abel?

OK two lots of saintly feedback coming up.... and then that's all folks