Full Metal Wrestling
 
HomeRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Abel Steele
Head Writer
Head Writer
avatar

Posts : 986
Rep : 14
Join date : 2009-12-05
Age : 38
Location : Western Australia

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Abel Steele
Championship:

PostSubject: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:17 pm

Okay so it's feedback time for thems what want it.

Anyone who wants feedback let me know and I will post it in here, but I will only be doing about five or so as time is fairly restricted right now.

Edible: Sent via PM.

1. Nick Bryson

This promo was very well constructed. The snippets flow together nicely covering enough of the events to tell the story, which is quite a large one, without getting bogged down in boring details. It is a style that I like and want to work on getting better at myself.

As a read it is entertaining enough, well written and easy to follow which is just par for the course for your work I think.

That said I do find the story a little bit... odd.

I was with you all the way up to the part where you bought a town and renamed it "Cleveland"

Aside from the techinicalities of becoming a citizen of another country, a process that takes years not days, I found the whole concept to be a bit strange.

You move to a country because you want to embrace the people and their culture and the first thing you do is buy up landholdings from locals and rename a very english town after a city from the counrty you are rejecting?? That just made no sense to me at all.

I also think the "headline" you threw in about FMW forcing you to choose a career was a tantilising one and would've loved to see more on that... but I am guessing we will ??? Wink

2. Ashburn

I'm gonna be upfront and say I haven't read a whole lot of your previous promos so bear that in mind. I may have missed something vital that you already told us...

Not bad. Clearly you are working to tell a story here and that is a good thing but I kinda wish you'd given us little bit more. You don't want to be the hero is a fair point but what I want to know is why. At the moment all this promo says I don't want you to like me because I'm a bad guy and to prove it let me kill a hobo... no wait it was a dream... gotcha

You write well and your character is interesting, just push it a little further

Still to come...

3. Gray

4. SoSB

5. Tyrant

That's all I'll take for now, if I get through them I will add more later.


Last edited by Abel Steele on Thu Jun 30, 2011 3:41 am; edited 3 times in total
Back to top Go down
the nick bryson
Head Writer
Head Writer


Posts : 1078
Rep : 12
Join date : 2009-12-16

PostSubject: Re: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   Wed Jun 29, 2011 11:05 pm

meokthx

_________________
Back to top Go down
Ashburn



Posts : 169
Rep : 6
Join date : 2011-01-25
Age : 25

PostSubject: Re: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   Thu Jun 30, 2011 12:16 am

Yeah, feedback would be nice. =x
Back to top Go down
Nicholas Gray
FMW World Tag Team Champion
FMW World Tag Team Champion
avatar

Posts : 1222
Rep : 19
Join date : 2009-11-22
Age : 24

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Nicholas Gray
Championship: FMW Tag Team Championship

PostSubject: Re: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   Thu Jun 30, 2011 1:01 am

Pleasepleasepleaseplease

_________________
Quote :
thenickbryson 7:13 pm
do you ever wish you could lick your own balls
Back to top Go down
Sharpedo King
FMW Abandoned Champion
FMW Abandoned Champion
avatar

Posts : 118
Rep : -1
Join date : 2011-03-18
Location : Hoenn Region, PokeEarth

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Sharpedo King
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   Thu Jun 30, 2011 1:03 am

Please feedback the young shark too, please. I know it's short, but there is no excuse for me being less prompt with my promo than usual. At least feedback for the slight change in direction, please.
Back to top Go down
TyranT



Posts : 161
Rep : 0
Join date : 2009-12-06
Age : 32

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: TyranT/Faith
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   Thu Jun 30, 2011 1:37 am

Pick me! Pick me!!!
Back to top Go down
ASL

avatar

Posts : 41
Rep : 0
Join date : 2011-05-15

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Christian Parkes
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   Thu Jun 30, 2011 3:22 am

Feedback would be great.

_________________

[B][ COLOR=#d4af37]Parkes:[ /COLOR][ /B]
Back to top Go down
Anwyl



Posts : 413
Rep : 0
Join date : 2010-06-06
Age : 24
Location : Melbourne, Australia

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: "The Future" Anwyl
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   Fri Jul 01, 2011 11:24 pm

yes please
Back to top Go down
http://www.facebook.com/jacob.anwyl
Damien
FMW World Tag Team Champion
FMW World Tag Team Champion


Posts : 583
Rep : 0
Join date : 2009-12-07
Age : 26
Location : Texas

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Damien Inferno
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   Fri Jul 01, 2011 11:45 pm

Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase
Back to top Go down
the nick bryson
Head Writer
Head Writer


Posts : 1078
Rep : 12
Join date : 2009-12-16

PostSubject: Re: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   Tue Jul 05, 2011 7:23 pm

Abel Steele wrote:

I was with you all the way up to the part where you bought a town and renamed it "Cleveland"

Aside from the techinicalities of becoming a citizen of another country, a process that takes years not days, I found the whole concept to be a bit strange.

You move to a country because you want to embrace the people and their culture and the first thing you do is buy up landholdings from locals and rename a very english town after a city from the counrty you are rejecting?? That just made no sense to me at all.


Well, the thing I was trying to be subtle about was that I didnt really want to move there because I love England so much, its because they like me and the character loves to 1) capitolize on controversy and 2) bolster his own name. Perhaps I need to be more direct, if only a little more.

Thats sort of the gist of the idea.

Also:
Becoming a citizen may take years for regular peons BUT IM ME AND IM RICH. /troll

thanks abel.

_________________
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...   

Back to top Go down
 
Steele's UIII Feedback - The Root'nest, Toot'nest feedback in town...
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Full Metal Wrestling :: Full Metal Wrestling E-Fed :: BACKSTAGE :: Feedback-
Jump to: