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 11.2: THA FEEDBACK

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RCA
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PostSubject: 11.2: THA FEEDBACK   Mon Jun 21, 2010 5:03 pm

You know the deal. Give me feedback for feedback or Layeth The Smacketh Down (or come close to it) with your offering.

Dunn: Done via PM.

Skyler: I love this new Skyler. I do. I love the turmoil, the bad attitude. I was so ready to look at this promo with a "WOW" because when it opened I thought it was the nail in the coffin for any sort of face Skyler...then you revealed it was a dream. Fuck off. But I've done that before so I can't complain. Loved the trip inside of Skyler's mind, and thought it was a nice touch that Skyler was doing the narration. As it were, the ending (before the monologue) confused me. Don't get me wrong, it was solid and I loved my part (even though I've thrown around MoC far too much) but I'm wondering, did you kill her, was it not a dream? Either way, solid cliffhanger. There isn't too much to negatively discuss but I'd like to see how Leah and Co. are coping in your eyes, that and Skyler might as well just be a heel. He's already there. In all, very nice promo here. Very nice.

Bryson: Mostly done over AIM, but you should know my thoughts by now. LOL-tastic through and through, somewhat disappointed over the lack of Bryson in his own promo even if the last secret message was a fitting end. I liked it.

Frost: You've honestly become one of the few guys who I'd go out of my way to read. I LOL'ed for a little bit at your Fruit Loops line. I enjoy this new Frost, he somewhat reminds me of Dean Winchester from Supernatural. Anyway, this promo was lovely. I enjoyed the story and the actions. But the match relevance came off a little forced. If you don't want it in there, no need to worry about it. FMW is more about story anyway and when people read they'll make up match relevance they found from time to time. I dig this new Frost, and I hope to see more of them. Ran a little long but given the opponents maybe that was needed. The dialogue is good too. I may have to agree with you about you having gotten better. But I'll search hardcore to find something bad to say. So far this is the best promo of that match (Fucking Drew letting down Ammunition at this moment).

Kaoru: This might sound weird, maybe come off premature, but you remind me of TyranT. Most of his promos are really description driven and the main character is a man of few words. And yes, the writing is very good. You are really strong in the description area, if you might be running out of ways to say Kaoru is a big guy. We all know he's a big dude, no need to drill it into our heads. Also, I'm happy you used italics...but not for the damn actions themselves! But you did color the speaking parts so that helps. Anyway, I liked the silent reflection on Kaoru's loss, and of course Sonny makes me hate him. Enjoyed the little match relevance to Celt as well. This did drag a bit, maybe could've used a little more dialogue to offer decent spacing to the massive amount of descriptions and stories. Keep it up man, you're doing great.

Apostasy: Since Jaro and De feel that you KILLED the comp I decided to give this a read. I have to say, on first glance your character is realistically simple and it is a refreshing take on characters in FMW so kudos there. I VERY MUCH enjoy the philosophical aspects of Apo, I love reading his 'musings' on things. The accompanying story was told really well, I find that you are able to tell a good story without the excessive use of flashy words, long descriptions and the like. Basically, you're good at dumbing down things. I like that. The Heroes and Glory thing was very interesting, and nicely executed. The main thing about the promo that I didn't care for was that while every thing was very good, nothing was truly spectacular in my view. Like that whole "the longer promo = higher chance to win" thing? It can and will hold true a lot in FMW and if you were ever to take advantage of that there's no telling what you'd do. But I thought this was long enough because it said what you wanted it to, no more no less. May be the best promo you've done, but you're slightly underrated as it is. Kudos.
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Omega

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FMW Superstar: Seth Omega
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PostSubject: Re: 11.2: THA FEEDBACK   Tue Jun 22, 2010 9:48 am

I want your feedbax Eddietwon.

I'll return the favor over AIM or via PM.
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Edible14
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FMW Superstar: Apostasy
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PostSubject: Re: 11.2: THA FEEDBACK   Tue Jun 29, 2010 11:09 pm

Just wanted to say thanks for the feedback. This was one of my shorter promos (8 pages in word compared to a usual 10-11), but I do find it hard fleshing things out much longer than that. Mostly, I do this for fun, and writing what I want without torturing myself to make it longer. I'm a bit ADD, so longer promos don't hold my attention, reading or writing.

What I was hoping to get across in this promo was a more visceral reaction. With the ending, and with the description of the beatdown. I posted this one and immediately thought "you know, if this wasn't FMW, some people might read that and think it's a bit fucked up".

One question, though: do you like or dislike the accompanying stories I've been doing (not sure if you're familiar with all my promos to date). I like telling stories in promo, but Apostasy is rarely the main character. I worry sometimes if people think that it doesn't flesh out what Apostasy is all about enough.
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RCA
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PostSubject: Re: 11.2: THA FEEDBACK   Tue Jun 29, 2010 11:26 pm

I personally don't mind the stories you tell, you philosophical musings always accompany them pretty well. I think it's a nice take given that your guy isn't the main character.

Granted, I don't know much of Apo save for he's an average guy that doesn't believe in God and has his own slightly philosophical views of the world, but so far it's working for me because you're never a bad read.
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