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 Abel's 16.1 Feedback

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Abel Steele
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PostSubject: Abel's 16.1 Feedback   Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:56 am

Willing to feedback anyone who wants it provided you post your promo in the next 24 hours. I'll be heading away for the Easter break after that.

Antonio:

This is one of the stranger promos I've read. Either you are a twisted comic genius or it is the most bizzaro face turn in history. I'm going to feedback as though it was genuinely a face turn attempt because I think that's what you were trying to do. Please disregard if you were intentionally going for the black humour.

In that case it was a big failure. You killed a guy, because you lost a match, enjoyed it and then decided that you would change to a nice guy just because. It makes little to no sense and leaves me wondering who/what the hell Antonio really is.

I think you write well enough and have much potential (although I'm not personally a fan of the random thought patterns that seem to run throughout your writing style - god damn those Old Spice ads) but think about what ingredients you are putting into it. This was like you started out trying to make an omelette but decided halfway through you wanted a pavlova instead.

Brooks:

What I liked: Your monologue was decent. Would have been a nice finish for a bit of match relevance to a promo.

Not so much: The rest. You start by having a journalist call for an interview then make no more mention of it. Why bother putting it in there at all? Again with the camera man that seemed completely arbitrary and added nothing. Apart from telling us that "Brooks" is in demand I guess but then if that was the point you wanted to make you could have had the journalist push for an interview now and have Brooks have to shut him down until after the show. At least that would have put in some sort of a conflict to your story. I'm also not a real bg fan of you referencing LPW guys in a FMW promo but I get why you did it and it might be better received by the guys in both feds???

In summary: The monoogue would have been a decent enough finish to a promo if you had given us ANYTHING in the first couple of scenes to take away. T.B.H as a rater I would rate you exactly the same score with or without the first scene of this promo


Last edited by Abel Steele on Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:09 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Antonio_G
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PostSubject: Re: Abel's 16.1 Feedback   Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:38 am

Promo's up and feedback would be a pleasure.
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PBrooks

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PostSubject: Re: Abel's 16.1 Feedback   Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:25 pm

Promo is up and feedback would be appreciated. Will return the favour.
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PostSubject: Re: Abel's 16.1 Feedback   Wed Apr 04, 2012 1:39 am

I would love feedback please, if it's not too late :S

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Abel Steele
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PostSubject: Re: Abel's 16.1 Feedback   Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:12 pm

Updated for Antonio G & Brooks.

Will try to get to S&S before I leave this morning but no promises.
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Antonio_G
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PostSubject: Re: Abel's 16.1 Feedback   Thu Apr 05, 2012 2:44 am

...I do love Pavlova. It was very intentionally tongue in cheek, in Antonio's head he's not a face, but he has lived a life of doing the exact opposite so it's going to be a long road for our big Italian sausage.
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CarnageKing

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PostSubject: Re: Abel's 16.1 Feedback   Thu Apr 05, 2012 2:48 am

You can feedback whenever not a rush on it really. Just want an opinion on the first thing i've compiled since being off work and bored. But knowing I normally don't write like that is a reward to all who read it.
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PostSubject: Re: Abel's 16.1 Feedback   Thu May 24, 2012 10:20 pm

Another dose of feedback would be highly appreciated. Right or wrong direction?
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