Feedback'd

Okay here's the go.

Last time around I offered some spots for feedback and requested feedback in return. I got feedback from one person so that means Alex O'Rion is top of the queue for feedback this time 'round.

Those who I have not given feedback to before will also be given next preference to share the love around.

Please, please if I get to you I'd love some sort of response. Especially for this one as I am a) really proud of it & b) trying to do some things differently.... you'll notice that it's a helluva lot shorter than my normal for a start.

So yeh stick your name down for feedback and also check out Leon's feedback thread too.




Trey Spruance:

+:

Good re-introduction to FMW. You set a solid base for your absence and a nice (if perhaps overly simplified)
reason for your return.

Solid interaction between Axel and Trey. Their friendship is something you get acrross realy well.

-:

I think you blew through the breakup a little too quickly. My thoughts are you could really use that as some motivation for Trey going forward. She left Trey behind because she is moving up in the world... well Trey is gonna move up and prove she wasn't to good for him by becoming Tag Champion .... or some such.

Overall I would have to say probably one of the best promos you have done IMO. I never really liked your promos that were just about how much drugs can Trey do. This had some substance.

Drew Michaels:

+: The usual Drew fare

-: The usual Drew fare

I'm not sure how to feedback you Drew. You know your character so well and he is one of the few who has (to my knowledge) never had a turn so it is pretty consistent stuff. You are very good at the action and pacing but I'm not sure I'm really adding anything here with this feedback.

The reason or the "-" is that sometimes I feel like your story arc is so big and so epic that I am just a little lost and not sure if I am remembering everything right.

Sorry I feel like that was not much in the way of useful feedback.

JL Anwyl:

+: Nice intensity. Good base

-: Punctuation/grammar, not much depth

I guess the main thing here is to have alook at the promos of the top guys more just for the style than anything. You don't need to match their lngth or massive story arcs but what you will nee to succeed in FMW is to adapt the story (promo) style rather than the roleplay style of most feds.

We are generally looking for a story about the character. A reason to make him interesting to us as the reader. What is his history, what challenges has he faced.

What you have done I would say would be a good conclusion to a promo. (see Drew's promo - he did a similar thing at the end, as have several others) If you can work in a good story to go with it you will be A ok.

As far as what you did write goes it was not too bad, good colour, not much in the way of spelling errors and you had some intensity in the words which is nice. I had a HHH voice going in my head as I read it which is sort of how his rant came across to me.....but you should construct your paragraphs a lot better. Some of those were way too long.

If you want someone to bounce ideas off hit me up or any of the other guys are pretty helpful.

I'd love some feedback man, much appreciated.

No one else?

I mean, we're opponents and stuff and I don't normally ask for feedback because I never have time to return properly but hey, I would love to get an opinion on my promo if you really want to feedback someone haha.

Drew Mightyena wrote:

I mean, we're opponents and stuff and I don't normally ask for feedback because I never have time to return properly but hey, I would love to get an opinion on my promo if you really want to feedback someone haha.

Sure Im happy to.... BUT..... I won't post until votes are finalised. Not a good look for either one of us if I do it before then I don't reckon (only 20 minutes or so)

Thanks for the feedback Abel, I'm glad someone realised I'm trying to move away from the topic of drugs.

It might be a bit late to ask but I would like a few pointers on what can be improved and whatnot


EDIT: I am also in the process of rereading your promo so I will tell you what a think in the next day as I need to sleep

Updated for Drew & JL Anwyl

TBM.... you're gonna put out 12.3 at some point anyways

Yes, I will be. I will be formulating results, calculating promo scores, writing a match, possibly more if people don't get their assignment in, I'll also be taking control of assignments, liasing with the several people who need segments to further their story lines, and trying to balance people wants, versus the space the show allows, and making the call on whether people can have what they're asking for. After that, I'll be editing together the assignmnets, putting them in an order to provide a logical and enjoyable reading experience, which will also satiisfy the people who have invested a lot of emotional time and effort into their characters, feuds, and matches. On top of that, I'll be taking full responsibility for the quality and quality of the show, with the buck stopping with me if anything isn't up to standard or people are not happy with the finished product. And I'll be doing this regardless of whether you give me feedback or not.

I can has feedback please?

Sign me up for some feedback