DISTORTION 12.1 RESULTS!!!!!

Chase: Welcome everyone to DISTORTION! The top division in FMW, winners of the vicious FMW War Games tournament, and home to the best superstars in the company! I’m Chase, your play-by-play man, alongside Cactus Sam!

Sam: Hell to the yes. Distortion rules. Everyone else sucks. Our jobs are secure because this is the best fucking division in FMW!

Chase: You only care that we won because you need the money.

Sam: To pay for my growing alcohol needs, yes.

Chase: Better than not supporting at all, I guess. Well, we’ve got a stacked night here in Perth, West Australia! And to top it off, this is a hell of a homecoming – no less than THREE superstars on the Distortion roster are from Perth! Abel Steele, Leon Caprice and the enigmatic Skyler Striker are all making their first showing in Perth since joining FMW, so they’ll no doubt get a huge reaction!

Sam: Cheap pops.

Chase: Pretty much. Anyway, let’s take a look at what’s promised for tonight! Not only do we have Abel Steele taking on the legendary John Derrick, but Leon Caprice will face off against Faith in what’s sure to be a killer!

Sam: Yeah. Kill me with boredom. Good guy battles suck.



Chase: PX has retained his title against loads of competitors but tonight might be his toughest challenge so far! DGS is undefeated in singles competition and thirsty to get back to winning ways after narrowly missing out on the Gold Card Gauntlet!

Sam: And besides, PX is a Corruption chump. DGS for TV Champ.



Chase: The Abandoned Champion Seth Omega has no less of a strong opponent tonight! Matt P. Dunn has been waiting for ‘his’ shot since the title was created – and admittedly, it does fit his personality.

Sam: This brand’s filled with crazies. Dunn can suck a cock.


Chase: We’ve also got Hannibal Frost here to announce the challenge he’ll be making as part of his FMW Games prize!

Sam: Heck yes. Look at all the Distortion stars who have title shots coming up: Dunn’s taking his tonight, as is David GS, but we also have Frost, Apostasy, Axel Van Osbourne, Norman Riddle, Alexander Crysto, Dunnwood, and Leon Caprice!

Chase: And, of course there’s the announcement of the main FMW Games prize, which is happening RIGHT NOW!

Danzig’s ‘Mother’ plays over the speakers and the crowd erupt into vociferous boos as Jaro appears on stage, drawing in an imaginary applause with his hands. He walks to the ring, ignoring the many insults thrown his way until he reaches the ring, and he is passed a microphone.

Chase: Well, Jaro’s a murderer now, so I approve even less of him than I do normally, but he’s here to announce Distortion’s prize, so I’m going to hold back any criticism until later.

Sam: I murdered someone once.

Chase: That’s nice.

Jaro is forced to wait until the audience quiet down, which is at least another full minute.

Jaro: Are we done? Good. So, in case anyone here doesn’t watch Corruption or read the news or doesn’t have a fucking brain – which I assume is most of you – I guess I’d better bring you up to speed. Celeste, my wife, passed away tragically recently, leaving me in full control of Full Metal Wrestling once again.

A chorus of boos assault Jaro but he waves it off nonchalantly.

Jaro: So as my first order of business on this division, HANNIBAL FROST is now officially a Corruption superstar!

Chase: WHAT?! Our former Abandoned Champion is a Corruption boy? We’d better be getting a replacement, this is bullshit!

Sam: So much for suspending criticism.

Jaro: And to anyone wondering, Distortion will not be receiving a replacement. In fact, I guess this leaves Ammunition a little on the lighter side of the scales, so I’m moving ABEL STEELE to Ammunition effective tonight!

Chase: OH COME ON!

The crowd disapprove yet again and Jaro laughs.

Jaro: Ah, I love the sound of your hatred. It fuels me. Like powerade. Now, to my main reason for being in this shithole in the middle of nowhere, I guess I have to announce what the real prize is for winning the FMW Games tournament. Since the only turds in this toilet bowl worth scooping out are gone, here’s Distortion’s main reward for winning the Games: ALL DISTORTION TALENT ARE HEREBY FIRED AND DISTORTION IS CANCELLED!

Chase: WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT DOES HE THINK HE’S UP TO! YOU CAN’T DO THIS, PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE!

Sam: Even that’s a little too much for me! How am I going to pay for all the hookers I use?!

Chase: That’s the ENTIRE Distortion roster fired from FMW! Seth Omega? Skyler Striker? David GS? Leon Caprice? Only Frost and Steele have been saved! This is BULLSHIT, Jaro, BULLSHIT!

The crowd are furious, throwing their rubbish into the ring. Jaro can only smile at their outrage, but the booing lasts for a solid three minutes this time.

Jaro: Now, now! I won’t have any objections! This is the prize you won, you have to accept it along with any title shots! The Champions MAY be spared if I’m feeling good after I go back to my office tonight and get a blowjob – so basically, your fate depends on the skill of a hooker. But I wouldn’t hedge any bets on getting lucky. Tonight is the last Distortion show, so pack your bags and get the fuck out of this company as soon as this shit tonight is over. Maybe you can find a kangaroo around the place to bounce you home – if they can swim. Unlikely. That’s all. Have a shit night, you mother fuckers.

Jaro exits the ring promptly, but the crowd continue their chants of ‘you suck! You suck’ and their rubbish throwing.

Chase: I just... we’re out of a job, the superstars are out of a job, tonight is the last night ever of Distortion as a show. I can’t believe it. We deserve better for winning.

Sam: I hate everything.

Chase: Fuck. Can we go to commercial, please? I don’t know what to say.

Chase: Wow. I still just... wow. How do we follow that?

Sam: With this, I guess.

The house lights begin to flicker and flash erratically, keeping time with "Zero" by Alter Bridge as the song comes on over the PA. The Distortion crowd is on its feet, popping like popcorn as David GS steps out from the back through a wall of white steam, matte-black trench swirling around his lean frame. He descends the ramp at a brisk clip, coming to a halt halfway down. He tosses his head back and throws his hands skyward, flashing the Devil Horns as two massive fans of multicoloured pyro erupt out of the stage behind him.

Ella Vader: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the Full Metal Television Championship! Introducing the challenger, from Omaha, Nebraska...the Phenom, DAVID...G...S!

Sam: Wow, I'm impressed - we're only one show removed from the streak's grinding halt, and he's already come up with a new undeserved nickname for himself.

Chase: Actually, Sam, I think he's called himself the Phenom since the very beginni--

Sam: Did I TELL you to contradict me?!

Chase: Nope. Anyways, as I was saying, I think he's called himself the--

Sam: *SIGH*

David slides in under the bottom rope and pops to his feet, shrugging his way out of the trench and tossing it to the outside. He goes to the ropes and climbs onto the first and second, flashing the Horns with his free hand and earning another decent pop from the fans. He hops back down and moves to the center of the ring, staring up at the stage as his music fades and is replaced by "4 Words" by Bullet for my Valentine.

Ella Vader: And his opponent, hailing from Castlebar, Ireland, HE is the current Full Metal Television Champion...PEEEEEEE EKSSSSS!

The crowd's reaction does a near-complete one-eighty as the Pure Extremist comes out from the back, the TV Title slung over one shoulder and a jaded, contemptuous frown on his face.

Chase: And here comes the TV Champ.

Sam: He must be feeling relieved.

Chase: Oh? And why's that?

Sam: After facing off against guys like Syanide and John Derrick over these past few shows, it must feel liberating to know that this schelp's the only obstacle he has to go through to retain his championship tonight.

Chase: Oh, NO way, nuh-uh. That argument isn't valid anymore, not after DGS' performance in the Gold Card Gauntlet.

Sam: What the hell are you talkin' about, he fucking lost!

Chase: God, sometimes I...ugh, whatever. Anyways, there's the bell, and both men start off in the middle with a collar-and-elbow. DGS quickly calls his height and weight advantages into play and forces PX back into the corner, and...and he backs off. Huh.

Sam: Wow. Yeah, go ahead and mock the champ, ya douche. GodDAMN, I'm starting to hate those Devil Horns.

Chase: They lock up again, and PX turns the tables on the challenger! Side Headlock into a takeover, and PX has David grounded...but the Phenom counters with a headscissors! PX bucks his hips and gets out, and both men are now back on their feet. DGS with a kick to the midsection...he fires the champ to the ropes, but PX goes downstairs with a dropkick to the knee. David's down on one knee, and PX hits the ropes again and a BOOT to the temple takes him the rest of the way down!

Sam: Nice move there - too bad in only got him a one-count.

Chase: PX goes for a right...but DGS blocks and answers back with a right of his own. And now it's DGS, teeing off on the TV Champion. He whips PX into the corner, charges in after him and SPEAR! Spear in the corner!

Sam: See? He must feel pretty threatened if he's busting out his trump card that early.

David backs out of the corner. PX staggers out, both hands wrapped around his stomach and his face contorted in surprised, painful anger, and DGS catches him with a schoolboy.

Chase: Schoolboy by the Phenom, one, two, and the Champion refuses to relinquish any more than a short two-count.

Sam: Why should he? The guy's beaten John Derrick, for Christ's sake!

Chase: As much as I hate to overlook the methods in which he achieved said victory, you are right - discounting WarGames, PX's recent winning streak far-and-away dwarfs anything David GS has yet accompl--OH! Holy COW, did you see that?!

Sam: You bet your ass, I did! Now THAT was a DDT!

Chase: DGS was pulling PX to his feet for...for, well, something, and the ever-thinking, ever-wily TV Champion caught him with a kick to the gut and an Evenflow DDT! Jesus CHRIST, what a head drop, and now PX looks to retain yet again! One, two...and he kicks out!

Sam: No way that was a conscious decision; he probably had a seizure from the DDT.

Chase: Well this match is still on, conscious or not. PX stomping a mudhole in his challenger's torso, and now...now he's going to the top rope! Lookin' to put the exclamation point on it, but David's rolling, and now crawling to the far corner. Admirable ring awareness and self-preservation instincts on display by David GS, who was able to get out of the blast zone of a potentially match-ending top rope maneuver.

Sam: Fuckin' pussy, needs to take it like a man.

PX frowns as DGS rolls out of range and hops down to the mat, wincing slightly upon landing and pressing a hand to his abdomen where he was Speared earlier. He leisurely goes across the ring to where David has reached his knees, and fires a closed-fist punch in between the Phenom's eyes. PX drags him to his feet and guides him to the center of the ring, where he hooks the near arm over his head and lifts him up with a Fisherman Hook.

Sam: Up onto the shoulders...he's goin' for Pure Punishment--

Chase: --but David manages to slip out the backdoor! PX turns and gets dropped with a clothesline from the Phenom! The champ is quick to his feet, but DGS is even quicker and drops him with another clothesline! PX again back to his feet, and David looks to knock him back down again...but the TV champion counters with a kick to the gut. He hooks him up, twists him through, and HANGMAN'S NECKBREAKER.

Sam: LOVE that move! And--awww, come on! Stay down, dammit!

Chase: David GS kicks out YET AGAIN, and it's starting to look like PX is getting a bit frustrated. He gets to his feet and fires a SHARP kick into the challenger's side...shit, that looked like it hurt.

Sam: Serves him right...bahaha, look at him roll around.

Chase: PX, taking DGS to his feet...kick to the gut, and he's goin' for WRECK 'em All but doesn't get it! DGS shoves him chestfirst into the turbuckle, takes a hold of his head as he backs out, and Concussor! Hooks the leg! One! TWO! And OH, he doesn't get it!

David lays down on his back, grasping his head in both hands and staring up at the lights. He gets to his feet and helps PX to his, but the champ suddenly shrugs off the Phenom's clutches and jabs his thumb into David's left eye.

Chase: And THERE it is! Thumb to the eye! Thumb to the eye by the Pure Extremist, who I don't think could win a match fair-and-square if he was being paid to do it, which he is!

Sam: Y'know what? If Davey-boy Girl Scout didn't wanna get poked in the eyes, he shoulda worn goggles!

DGS staggers backwards, holding both hands to his face. PX smiles and briefly mocks the challenger's Devil Horns, earning major heat from the Distortion crowd, and then goes running to the far ropes.

Chase: PX comes back and WHOA!

Crowd: BOOM!

Chase: HEADSHOT! Christ Almighty, he damn near decapitated the TV Champion!

Sam: Dumb fucking...and now Da Gay Seeker's inexperience is showing it's ugly face! Look, he's not even covering, he's going over to the opposite corner and...and...oh, for FUCK'S SAKE--

Chase: David GS, looking to cut the TV Champion in half with the move that has helped him steamroll FMW's undercard!

In the corner opposite PX, DGS' face becomes a predatory, bloodthirsty rictus. He frantically runs his hands through his hair and drops into a crouch, beckoning to his opponent with one hand and gripping the top rope with the other. The crowd roars in anticipation, a few isolated 'Spear' chants working their way through the ranks as PX slowly gets to his feet.

Chase: PX gets to his feet...

Sam: Counter!

Chase: STARTS TO TURN...

Sam: COUNTER!

Chase: SPE--NO! COUNTER!!

Sam: HAH!!

Chase: PX catches DGS with a knee to the shoulder and lifts him up for Xtreme Pain! ...and yet ANOTHER COUNTER as the Phenom drops down into an arm drag!

Sam: Jesus, END THE FUCKING MATCH, ALREADY!!

Chase: Both men to their feet, DGS with a kick to the gut and LIGHTNING STRIKE!! DAVID GS HITS THE LIGHTNING STRIKE!!

Sam: NO! NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT--

Chase: ONE! TWO! THREE!!! HE GOT IT!

Ella Vader: Here is your winner, and the NEW Full Metal Television Champion, DAVID...G...S!!

David GS (8.46 aps + 0.9 avs = 9.36 total)
PX (8.20 aps + 0.9 avs = 9.10 total)

David rolls off PX as "Zero" starts up again, and gets to his knees and is handed the TV Titlebelt by the referee. He simply continues kneeling there, holding the belt in his hands and staring at his reflection in its polished gold face as the fans cheer. He gets to his feet after several seconds, looks up, smiles, and raises the belt with one hand and the Devil Horns with the other.

Sam: Fuck, fuck, FUCK THOSE DEVIL HORNS...

Chase: Huge win, absolutely HUGE win for DGS, who has not only gotten his first taste of gold here in FMW but is still technically undefeated in singles competition.

Sam: Geez, blow MORE sunshine up his ass, why don'tcha? There were, like, five times where PX had it won!

Chase: Who says I'm taking anything away from the former champ? Other than that questionable thumb to the eye, he fought one hell of a match here tonight. He even avoided the Spear, something only Kaoru Hanayama's done so far, but that Lightning Strike...man aLIVE, what a head drop.

Sam: *grumble*

David rolls out of the ring and wearily backs up the ramp as the fans continue to cheer, holding the TV Title close to his chest.

Chase: Well, that match got me so caught up I’d forgotten about the destruction of Distortion. But that reality is still underlying this show.

Sam: Sigh. I’m gonna need to find a new fucking job.

It's that time of year again.

The most dangerous battlefield in FMW.

Many bones have been broken, and many careers have been shortened by the battles on this monstrous creation.

It is both a portal to the underworld, and a stairway to heaven for only one brave warrior.

Who will survive the battle?

Who will conquer...

Chase: Well, with one match down and three left to go in Distortion’s remaining time, this one should be interesting.

Sam: Says who?

Chase: Says me! We've got two guys that both really need a win here. One blew a chance at the ultimate prize last time out and the other has blown pretty much every chance put in front of him in over a year.

Sam: And you think this will be interesting?

Chase: Well sorry for trying to hype the match a little bit. Let's just get straight into it then shall we?

Ella Vader: Making his way to the ring first, weighing in at 245 pounds, from Tombstone Arizona, John ‘Doc’ DERRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!

"I'm your Huckleberry…"

"Gimme Shelter" hits loud over the stereo as the crowd rises for their hero. Doc pauses a moment as Faith follows him out from the curtain before they both make their way to the ring. As Doc climbs the steps he hands his leather coat and Stetson to the official before waiting at ease in the corner.

Sam: Doc has to be the clear favourite for this match, even with all his time out of the ring - his track record speaks for itself. Not to mention having the height and weight advantage in this match.

Chase: Hard to argue that Sam.

Ella Vader: And his opponent, from Perth, Western Australia, weighing in at 222 pounds, ABEEEEEEEEEEL STEELE!

Abel emerges from backstage with his boxing rope draped over his shoulders, with head downcast, underneath the MetalTron. Suddenly a wall of sparks falls from the MetalTron over and around Abel and he erupts to discard his boxing robe and stand with both arms raised to the sky dressed in plain black, traditional wrestling trunks. The crowd explode in cheers for Steele, a hometown favourite in Perth.

Chase: Wow, that was new from Steele, hopefully he can bring a new attitude into the ring as well.

Sam: I still expect the same old performance though. LAME.

Chase: Well Abel was telling me yesterday that he plans on bringing a new style this time around. He wants to shed his boxer image and prove he can hold his own as a wrestler.

Sam: Doubtful. It's lot easier to come up with theatrics than actual change Chase. I suspect smoke and mirrors.

As they speak Steele makes his way to the ring slowly but purposefully, eyes locked with Doc not in animosity but pure intensity. He barely acknowledges the pockets of the crowd that are chanting for him and displaying signs like "Abel got screwed" and "You're Steele golden", before sliding into the ring and taking position for the match to begin.

Chase: Steele certainly looks a little more interested in this matchup.

Sam: Of course… a win over Doc puts him back on track. A win for Doc over Steele…..means nothing.

Chase: And they are underway as the referee signals for the bell and Steele definitely the aggressor early Sam with a quick combo of jabs.

Sam: And there's the old Abel Steele! What did I tell ya Chase?

Chase: Maybe not though as Abel follows up on the advantage with a side headlock and now he is working away on Doc.

Doc struggles in the hold for a short period before shoving Steele away into the ropes following up with a knee to the gut of Steel who goes down hard.

Sam: Well, that worked well...

Chase: Doc now on the offensive and puts Abel back to the canvas with a swinging neckbreaker.

Sam: Abel bit the canvas hard that time.

A small "Doc" chant starts up in the crowd and Doc responds by climbing the turnbuckle and leaping high into the air.

Chase: Doc missed! Abel rolled out of the way and now both men are down in the center of the ring.

The referee starts to count both men but as he gets to a six Abel makes his way to one knee and after shaking out the cobwebs reaches down and drags Doc up by his hair.

Chase: Steele with a text book scoop slam and quickly follows it with another into the turnbuckle and Doc is barely able to keep his feet by holding onto the ropes.

Doc ducks under the next attack but Steele recovers quickly and hits with a reverse DDT on Doc.

Sam: That was almost impressive by Steele.

Chase: Almost? Steele has been in complete control here since that mistake by Doc and now it looks like he is ready to put this match to bed.

Abel drags a groggy Doc to his feet and lifts the bigger man high over head and brings his feet down onto the ropes

Sam: We haven't seen this before….

Abel release one hand from his hold on Doc and pointedly looks at his wrist where a watch would be.

Chase: Stunner! He hit the elevated stunner! I've seen Abel practising this move before, the R.O.O.T!

Sam: R.O.O.T? What the hell kind of a name is that?

Chase: Right Out Of Time, Sam, which appears to be the case for Doc as Abel slides in for the cover! One! Two! THREEE! Steele wins it and the former World Champion is as inconsistent as ever!

Ella Vader: Here is your winner, ABEL STEELE!

Abel Steele (8.1 APS + 1.3 AVS = 9.4 total)
John "Doc" Derrick (0.0 APS + 0.2 AVS = 0.2 total)

Abel rolls out of the ring and over to one of the pockets of fans that are spread sporadically throughout the arena and celebrates, looking for all the world like he just won the Championship.

Chase: Well that might be the first look at the new Abel Steele folks, hardly a punch thrown and simply outclassing Doc from a pure wrestling perspective. Hopefully he’ll manage to retain his job on either Corruption or Ammunition...

“Symphony of Destruction” interrupts Abel’s celebrations, and the crowd boo as the World Heavyweight Champion TyranT appears at the top of the ramp. He marches down to ringside, looking all business.

Chase: Well, this is bound to end well.

Sam: He looks pissed off. So he looks like he does all the time, I guess.

Chase: What’s he doing here? Both Steele and Doc have suffered at TyranT’s hands before, he shouldn’t have any business with them.

TyranT marches up the steps and stands straight above the fallen Derrick, keeping an eye’ on Steele. Steele remains where he is but shoots death glares at the Champion. TyranT grabs a microphone from ringside and returns his attention to Doc.

TyranT: Get up, Doc! Get up, ya mongrel! Come on! Get up! Ah tried to tell ye’ that Faith’s mah girl, but ye’ just wouldn’t listen, would ye’? Well, ah’m gonna make ye’ pay fer makin’ that mistake! No-one messes with the TyranT, ‘specially not some PunK like ye’!

As TyranT speaks, the crowd cheer. Faith appears at the top of the ramp and runs down to the ring, pushing her father away from Derrick.

Chase: And now Faith’s arrived... this is quickly becoming chaos!

Sam: Bad idea... standing between TyranT and what he wants!

TyranT: Get out of mah way, Faith!

TyranT suddenly turns away from Faith and slams his baton on the opposite top rope, causing Abel Steele to drop back to the floor after having attempted to sneak up behind TyranT. TyranT turns back to see Doc getting to his feet, with Faith remaining between the two.

Chase: She’s gonna get hurt... she’s not big enough to stop the two of them fighting, I doubt a whole security team could stop something going down here!

TyranT: Hey! Doc! Ye’ wanna fight now? Ye’ wanna fight me? Ah swear ah’ll have yer blood, Derrick!

Sam: I smell trouble brewing... look who else has joined the party!

Chase: Kaoru Hanayama is here? What’s the Gold Card holder doing? Surely he’s not here to cash in his shot?

Hanayama appears through the crowd, with two bodyguards dressed in black suits flanking him. He calmly steps over the barricade and looks up at TyranT, then nods to his heavies who reach in and grab Faith’s feet from under her, dragging her outside of the ring and holding her extremely tightly by the wrists.

TyranT: What’s going on here, Hanayama? What do ye’ think yer’ doing?

Kaoru merely smiles up at TyranT, but it is not TyranT who first takes action – Doc rushes at Kaoru before TyranT smashes the former Champion on the back of the head with his nightstick. Doc crumples and TyranT kicks him for good measure before looking back to Kaoru, fury in his eyes.

TyranT: Give her back, ye’ maggot! Ah’ll crush ye’!

Chase: Kaoru isn’t budging an inch! He’s just standing there, daring TyranT to come and get her – that Gold Card dangling around his neck is warding TyranT off!

Sam: I wouldn’t go near Hanayama either, he’s clearly trying to weaken TyranT first so he can cash it in!

Chase: Well, TyranT isn’t likely to put his title on the line for his daughter. Some things never change.

Sam: Whoa, looks at that! One of Kaoru’s heavies goes down! ABEL STEELE! Steele smashes that guy’s skull into the barricade!

Hanayama turns only to see Steele rushing at him, the two erupting into a brawl. The flabbergasted second bodyguard is set upon by Faith, who swings a foot up dangerously to knock him in the side of the head.

Chase: This is chaos! Faith has knocked out one security man, the other is unconscious thanks to Steele, who is brawling with the man who took his Gold Card from him, Kaoru Hanayama! Doc and TyranT are both in the ring, but TyranT has no idea what’s going on and Doc is dazed!

Sam: Chaos indeed.

Chase: Faith now pulling Doc out of the ring and helping him to his feet, Abel seems to have put down Hanayama for now and is looking at TyranT in the center of the ring!

Sam: Faith’s got his wrist! Faith’s preventing Abel from attacking her father! She wants him to help Doc to the back, but Steele isn’t having any of it! He wants TyranT’s blood! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Steele approaches the ring but TyranT waves his baton around, motioning with his finger that Steele should think carefully. Steele looks back at Faith and Doc, Faith signalling for his help. Steele reluctantly grabs Doc under his other arm and they begin walking to the back.

Chase: What a turn of events! Is there anyone who doesn’t want the Champ’s blood? Hanayama, Steele, Doc...

Sam: Steele looking over his shoulder to make sure TyranT’s not following hi- hey, wait a sec, who’s that? There’s someone behind TyranT!

The crowd roar as a mystery man appears behind TyranT in the ring, wearing street clothes as well as a bandana over his face and a cap on his head. He is posed for an attack, steel chair in hand, and the crowd explode as he waits patiently.

Chase: Who is it? Who is it? TyranT turns around! HE NAILS HIM! Steel chair to the forehead of TyranT and I think he may have knocked him out cold!

Sam: WHO IS IT?

Chase: TyranT’s been planted to the mat, and now the man exits the ring and grabs the World Title belt and a microphone!

Sam: THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!

Chase: Oh, stop being such a drama queen!

Steele, Faith and Doc halt their retreat at the entrance, looking at the events transpiring in the ring. The man speaks through his bandana, continuing to hide his identity.

Mysterious Man: You see this World Championship, TyranT? I’m confiscating it until further notice. You see, I have a score to settle with you. And I’m going to haunt your every step until I beat you, you hear me? I will HAUNT you. And the first step is to win Mount Vesuvius and grab the blazing torch that sits atop it. I will not be denied.

The crowd start up a chant of ‘Who are you? Who are you?’. The man looks around, then back at the downed TyranT in the ring.

Mysterious Man: Who am I? You want to know my identity? I’m the Enigma, the Exile, the Banished One, the Prodigal Son. My name...

The man flings off his cap and bandana to a mixture of cheers and boos from the crowd. His grin is wide, his aura exudes confidence. Neither Doc, Steele or Faith smiles.

Striker: My name is Skyler Striker, and TyranT... I am your shadow.

“Mess of Me” hits as Striker stands above TyranT, holding the World Championship in his hands.

Chase: I should have guessed. Skyler Striker returns on the final Distortion, holding TyranT’s title belt hostage and making a bold declaration of his intention to win Mount Vesuvius and defeat the World Champion!

Sam: Can he pull it off, though? Doubt it.

Chase: Who knows? The question is, can he find a way to get around not having a job after tonight?

Sam: I’m sure he’ll find a way to get up Mount Vesuvius, Chase. Men with a mission usually find a way to do anything.

Chase: Truth. We’ll be back shortly!

We go backstage to see Leon Caprice lacing his boots in the hallways of the arena. There is a cheer from the crowd upon seeing him, and then following that an enormously mixed reaction as Skyler Striker appears in camera view. Caprice continues lacing his boots despite knowing who stands in front of him.

Striker: Evening, guv’na.

Caprice says nothing.

Striker: Aww, what’s the matter? Not talking coz you’re still made at Uncle Striker?

Caprice: I’m not talking because I have a match coming up, Striker. It’s called getting your head in the game.

Striker: Last name terms? Yeesh. How things have changed.

Caprice: You know, Skyler, you pretend you’re superior. You play around like you don’t care about anything anymore. You exude confidence, you portray yourself as this dangerous rogue. But it’s an act. And more and more people are starting to see that. You’re not the wrestler you were before the drugs. You gave up everything in your life and the skill you had went with it. Me? I’ve got a family to provide for. One I’ll never leave, forsake or abandon. I have friends, too. The reason I’ll be in FMW next show is because I’ll find a way to make sure I can provide, because I’m determined. And you? You’ll only be buying a ticket, hoping to attack someone from behind like a coward.

Caprice finishes tying his boots and gets in Skyler’s face.

Caprice: So don’t waste your time playing games with me. If anyone is going to grab the Mount Vesuvius Torch, it’ll be me.

Caprice walks away, leaving Striker speechless.

Chase: Alrighty! Welcome back, we’re about to get underway with Leon Caprice facing Faith in their last ever match on Distortion!

Sam: This match feels like it should be shown on Channel W. ‘Oh, Leon Caprice is a father! Oh, Faith is a tragic victim of her father’s malicious abuse!’. Please.

Chase: Well, Faith is now in some sort of alliance with Abel Steele and John Derrick, but I can’t foresee any of them feeling the need to interfere here, both of these competitors are well-liked by the fans.

Sam: If anyone’s likely to interfere, it’s Striker. Look at the history between Caprice, Faith and Striker – and the words they just exchanged.

Ella Vader: The following match is set for one fall! Introducing first, weighing in at 139 pounds and from Marietta, Georgia, a Hayabusa Cup winner, FAITH!

“Omen” by Prodigy blazes over the speakers and Faith enters the arena to cheers from the crowd. She walks down to the ring to emerald and green lights, not acknowledging any of the crowd as she slides into the ring.

Chase: Faith’s been through a hell of a lot recently – a win here would be great for her confidence.

Sam: And a loss just might shatter it!

Ella Vader: And her opponent, weighing in at 220 pounds and from PERTH, AUSTRALIA... LEOOOOOOOOOOON CAPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!!

“It’s Not My Time” by Three Doors Down interrupts Faith’s music and Leon Caprice emerges to an ENORMOUS round of cheers, being the hometown hero. He slaps hands with some kids in the front row on his way to the ring, sliding in with a smile to Faith.

Chase: Listen to that ovation! This is Caprice’s first ever show in his hometown, and they love him!

Sam: I’ve never even heard of this place! What is it, Perth or something?

Chase: Leon’s also been struggling for form recently, although he put in a good performance to assist Distortion in winning War Games.

Sam: Unfortunately.

Chase: Yeah.

Sam: This guy helped put us out of a job.

Chase: Well, I think they’re both ready and raring to go, so let’s get on with this shebang! There’s the bell and Caprice and Faith lock up! Caprice has more weight behind him and he pushes Faith back to the turnbuckle where the ref breaks it up quickly.

Sam: That weight disadvantage is always going to hurt Faith in matches.

Chase: True, but it also assists her to pull off things that no-one else can – her arsenal of kicks and MMA-style moves is pretty nasty!

Sam: Caprice back with another lock up and the same things happens, Faith pushed into the corner.

Chase: Faith ducks under just as he pushes her back! Caprice hits the turnbuckle chest first and Faith uses his own weight against him!

Sam: Laying some forearms into his back and the ref pulls her off, too – Caprice got more than he bargained for there, can’t use strength every time.

Chase: Caprice looks for another lock up but Faith knows that’s not going to be advantageous for her and she brings Caprice down quickly with a stepover toehold!

Sam: Exactly! She’s not obligated to play under Caprice’s rules!

Chase: Faith now hits the ropes and comes in with a nasty baseball kick to the ribs of Caprice!

Sam: Ever notice Faith always fights barefoot? I wonder whether that’s a help or hindrance.

Chase: Well, boots or no boots, I’m sure Caprice felt the impact of that as he rolls out of the ring and hits the mat! He’s not taking long to get back to his feet, but HERE COMES FAITH WITH A SUICIDE DIVE OVER THE TOP ROPE! Both superstars hit the floor and what lightning-quick reactions from Faith!

Sam: Caprice is losing control of this match now, he needs to do something to get back into it!

Chase: Well, Faith is up already, having forced her opponent to take the brunt of the impact from her landing – but now she’s getting ready with a stance not too dissimilar to Randy Orton!

Sam: She is kind of like a cobra... and she’s waiting to pounce – wait, that’s not Randy Orton, that’s a Taijiri-style stance! I think she’s readying up for a Buzzsaw kick to put Caprice down for the count!

Chase: Caprice is getting up, Faith’s ready! Here we go, BUZZSAW KICK-

Sam: IS CAUGHT! Caprice catches Faith’s foot right in front of his face! Faith looks right at him, she’s got nowhere to go but she swings the other foot at him trying to catch him off guard!

Caprice ducks Faith’s oncoming foot, and manages to then avoid its return as Faith desperately tries to land something. Then, however, Caprice puts pressure on the ankle and applies an ankle lock outside the ring.

Chase: Hang on a moment here! Caprice with an ankle lock, but the referee’s already up to a count of three! These two are out of the ring and we’ll get a double count-out if we’re not careful!

Sam: Caprice is holding on for as long as possible, just trying to weaken Faith and possibly win via count-out!

Chase: Well, you take what you can get, I suppose – the referee makes it to six and Caprice refuses to risk it any longer, releasing Faith and sliding into the ring as the referee reaches seven!

Sam: Faith’s still getting to her feet on eight, and now she’s limping towards the ring, nine... she’s in! Faith just manages to save herself by the skin of her teeth!

Chase: But has the damage been done! She’s definitely limping on that ankle now, and Caprice charges towards her with a spear!

Sam: Faith dodges!

Chase: Caprice turns around, this is like a bull and a matador! He charges Faith again and WHAM! THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE, BUZZSAW KICK TO CAPRICE!

Sam: Caprice charged for another spear but Faith just swung her foot at Caprice and knocked him down flat! He may be out cold after that!

Chase: And that’d be great for Faith if she hadn’t just swung her injured foot at him to do so! Both combatants on the mat, the referee begins his count! One!

Sam: Neither of them looks like getting up just yet!

Chase: We’re up to three, and they’re only just stirring, crawling towards opposite sides of the ring as we hit four!

Sam: Five! Six! Seven!

Chase: They’re clambering up to their feet with the assistance of the turnbuckles! Eight! Nine!

Sam: Faith is up! Caprice up a second later! Faith takes a run at Caprice and he swings her around his body, or is she swinging around him? I can’t tell who’s in control as we hurricanrana around!

Chase: It’s Caprice in control! He puts a stop to the swinging with a modified sidewalk slam!

Sam: He tries for a pin! One! Two! KICKOUT!

Chase: That was actually the first pinfall attempt of the match, but no luck for Caprice, he needs to do more damage! Caprice bringing Faith to her feet, and he whips her to the ropes, but as he goes for a big boot Faith dodges under his legs!

Sam: She jumps to the top rope! BREAK THE SILENCE!

Chase: Springboard spinning wheel kick to the back of Caprice’s head! He let his guard down for just one second and Faith nailed her finisher! She’s not going for the pinfall, though!

Sam: She wants to knock him out cold!

Chase: There’s that tendency popping up again! She’s waiting for a third Buzzsaw attempt, and Caprice slowly gets to his feet, Faith swings but CAPRICE DUCKS!

Sam: How did he see that coming? He wasn’t even facing her!

Chase: He must have used his instinct and the fact that she didn’t try to pin him! Great thinking from Caprice and now Faith looks like she’ll pay for wanting his blood! Caprice kicks her in the gut and twists her around, hoisting her into a crucifix position... TIME WARP!

Sam: This one’s over!

Chase: There’s the pinfall... one! Two! THREE! Caprice defeats Faith!

Ella Vader: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner... LEON CAPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!

Leon Caprice (8.65 aps + 1.1 avs = 9.75 total)
Faith (8.48 aps + 0.8 avs = 9.28 total)

Chase: That’s a solid victory for Caprice! A great singles match has just taken place, very fitting of the last ever Distortion show! The crowd are on their feet for their hometown favourite!

Sam: And he even helps Faith to her feet... what a gentleman. Blergh.

"Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi hits the speakers to a booming applause from the crowd as Hannibal Frost makes his way out from the back with a microphone in hand. Faith continues up the ramp, receiving an appreciatory nod as she meets Frost half way, and a glance at her backside as she passes.

Chase: What is Frost doing out here?

Sam: Hell if I know, but Leon doesn't look too worried.

In the ring, Caprice leans his exhausted body against the ropes as Frost enters from the other side. Things go quiet as the music dies down and the crowd hushes in anticipatory silence.

Frost: Put one on in the old win column for Caprice, eh?

The crowd cheers, leaving Caprice smiling. A ringside official hands him a microphone through the ropes, ensuring the conversation isn't one sided.

Frost: Well, I don't mean to tread on your celebration, but I've got a couple points I need to make.

Caprice motions for Frost to go ahead.

Caprice: You've got the floor.

Frost nods, before turning to largely address the sellout crowd in attendance.

Frost: I thought I'd come out here to formally announce my plans for the future. Now, I'm not one to ride a high horse through the streets of London or whatever, but I am a fan of moving up the company ladder.

Chase: Up the company ladder?

Sam: Ah hell, I've gotta' feeling.

Frost: So, at Circus Maximus, I'll be cashing in my reward for being a part of the winning brand at Catalyst. I'll be taking on Tyrant... for the World Heavyweight Championship.

The crowd cheers heavily at the announcement. Even Caprice gives a short clap for the new number one contender.

Frost: I figure it's about time I put on my big boy shoes. And, I figure, it's about time to put Tyrant in his place. His moral ambiguity aside... he struts his stuff like a prick, and it's all going to hit the fan sooner or later.

The crowd pops at Frost's wishful thinking. Frost himself turns towards the ramp, shaking his head apologetically.

Frost: Sorry for the harsh words, Faith. He is your dad and all. I guess that's one thing he got right. You do have a picture perfect ass end goin' on there.

Laughs can be heard strewn about the audience as Frost gestures to disregard his last comment. Then, as the audience dies down, Frost turns to Caprice.

Frost: Now, I'd like to make my second point of the night.

Leon cocks an eyebrow, now looking unsure of Frost's motives in coming out here.

Frost: You don't survive in the World Title scene without some help. Especially with people like Tyrant at the top of it.

Caprice: I'd say the same thing about Distortion.

Frost nods in agreement.

Frost: We worked well as a team, but now that there's nothing to gain from it... all hell will break loose once again.

Frost steps over to Leon, his hand outstretched.

Frost: I say we even up the odds.

Leon wastes no time in taking Frost's hand, which brings forth massive applause from the crowd.

Frost: We are the offspring of attrition. Brought on by the pricks and assholes who serve no one but themselves.

Leon: The Sons of Attrition...

Frost grabs Leon by the wrist.

Frost: It's time to fight back, and whip some ass for the greater good. Come with me to Corruption.

With that, Frost pulls Leon's arm into the air as "It's Not My Time" by Three Doors Down hits the speakers to applause and cheer from the crowd.

Chase: Would you look at that. The Sons of Attrition, I'm guessing?

Sam: A new team, a new contender to the World Title? The only thing that could top this?

Chase: The main event?

Sam: Hell yes. The last ever Distortion main event.

We go backstage to Jacqueline Hyde, who stands alone in front of the camera.

Hyde: Good evening ladies and gents! If you’re wondering why I’m herherherpes fuck shit goddamnit I’m out of a job? After one fucking cycle? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! This is bullshit and you cuntstains are gonna pay for this, I swear it! If I don’t get signed to one of the other brands to replace incompetents like that motherfucker ‘Action Jackson’ or that slut Cherrywood, I’ll slaughter you and your fucking families, you hear me? I’ll have your children’s corpses littering the streets! This isn’t a jokejokejoking! I thought when they said Distortion was finishing tonight that they might give me a job but I guess not! Ah well! I really liked being here! Seeing all my favourite wrestlers wrestle and announcers announce and I just really really enjoyed it! Thanks for watching the show, I hope you had lots of fufufuckers listen now. One show. One show until I fucking raise hell, hear me? I’m Jacqueline fucking Hyde! No-one fucking messes with me! Now back to the fucking main event!

Chase: Uhhh... well said, I guess. Whacko. Anyway, welcome back to Distortion, ladies and gentlemen, where tonight’s main event is about to begin.

Sam: FINALLY…I’m actually looking forward to this one.


The bell rings, and the camera pans across the stage before focusing in on the old, rusted electric chair that sits to the right of the way that leads to the gorilla position. A series of cords and wires runs from the chair, across the stage, and into the back, and a dull thrum can be heard as the gruesome device is started up.

Chase: God…what an atrocity.

Sam: I know, isn’t it great?

Ella Vader: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is tonight’s main event: an Electric Chair Match, for the FMW Abandoned Championship! Now, in order to win this match, one of the competitors must strap his opponent into the electric chair on the stage and successfully electrocute him.

"10 Miles Wide” by Escape the Fate hits the PA, and Matt Dunn walks out from the back to an overwhelmingly negative reaction from the crowd. Cracking a slight sneer as he passes by the camera situated halfway down the ramp, he makes his way to the ring and stands at the ready, ignoring the fans with ease and staring up at the stage.

Ella Vader: Introducing the challenger, from Birmingham, England, weighing in at two-hundred and eighteen pounds…Matt Dunn!

Chase: The Anxiety Legend, composed as always.

Sam: Fuck him.

Chase: You’ve gotta be—

Sam: No. Just fuck him.

The crowd’s negativity does a quick one-eighty as “Nightmare” by Avenged Sevenfold blasts its way out of the speakers. The Abandoned Champion stalks out from the back, black skull mask veiling his face, axe handle gripped tightly in one hand, Abandoned Championship belt fastened around his waist.

Ella Vader: And his opponent, from Jackson, Tennessee, weighing in at three-hundred and seven pounds, he is the current FMW Abandoned Champion…Seth Omega!

Chase: And here comes the Abandoned Champion, Seth Omega, who is no doubt more than willing to strap Matt Dunn into an electric chair.

Sam: Aren’t we all?

Chase: Nice, Sam. Real nice.

Omega enters the ring in appropriate time with his theme music and stares at Dunn for a few seconds. He then sets his axe handle in the corner under the bottom turnbuckle and throws his mask to the outside; Dunn, meanwhile, merely watches him with a facial expression that is decidedly blank.

Chase: The animosity between these two men has grown exponentially over recent weeks, Sam, with Dunn playing mind games of the highest caliber with the Abandoned Champion. I fear the tension between them will reach its breaking point here tonight; what are your thoughts on the situation between them?

Sam: Dunn’s a bastard, Seth’s a fat bastard. One of them’s going to get electrocuted to the brink of death tonight, and while part of me will be overjoyed to see them get it, another part of me will regret that it didn’t happen to the other guy.

Chase: Jesus, pick a side. I don’t care which side – just pick one, for Christ’s sake.

Sam: Never.

Chase: *sigh* Anyway, there’s the bell, and both men meet in the center of the ring and start trading right hands.

Sam: Seth’s got almost a hundred pounds on Dunn, what the hell’s he thinking?

Chase: Indeed, Omega gains the advantage with a huge haymaker…he connects with another…and Dunn ducks the third and catches the champion with a drop toehold! Seth Omega lands hard on his face, and Dunn compounds the damage by lifting the champion up and slamming him back down to the mat! Dunn puts the boots to Seth, doing a good job of keeping his much larger opponent grounded so far. Dunn pulls Seth to his feet…

Crowd: WOOO!!

Chase: Yeesh, BIG knife-edge chop to the Abandoned Champion!

Crowd: WOOO!! WOOO!!

Seth staggers backwards, arms crossed in front of his chest, face a contorted grimace.

Chase: Dunn with the advantage so far…he goes to whip Seth into the corner…

Sam: Oh, nice move!

Chase: Seth Omega counters into a whip of his own, feints, and pulls Matt Dunn back into a Russian Legsweep, but ladies and gentlemen, the real news might be here at ringside! Cactus Sam just paid Seth Omega a compliment!

Sam: Fuck you, it’s not like I meant it!

Chase: Hating both these guys must be messing with your brain. Anyways, Seth’s got Dunn up and now FIRES him across the ring. Lookin’ for a clothesline on the rebound but Dunn hangs on to the ropes…and a Cactus Clothesline! Both men tumble to the outside!

Sam: Yeah, I love it when they both get hurt like that! Tha—aww, they’re getting up!

Omega’s first to his feet. He helps Dunn to his none-too-gently, and goes to introduce Mr. Anxiety’s face to the steel steps. However, Dunn plants his foot on the steps and stops his forward momentum.

Chase: Matt Dunn, able to save his face from being introduced to those ring steps…but the champion isn’t so lucky! Seth Omega, facefirst into the steel! The Master of the Long Game follows up by smashing his opponent’s face into the ring apron, and then he just THROWS him into the crowd barricade! Surprising show of strength from Matt Dunn!

Sam: Bullshit, he ain’t supposed to be that strong!

Chase: And now he’s just teeing off on Seth! Dunn’s got him down and against the barricade, nowhere for the champion to go!

Sam: Yeah, get him! …I guess…

Chase: Now he’s got Seth to his feet and is dragging him up the ramp…Dunn’s looking to put this one in the books early!

Sam: Oh, boy, here come the fireworks! I can’t wait to see all that fat come to a boil!

Chase: You’re just sick, you know that? They’re at the top of the ramp now…Dunn looks to drag Omega to that horrid electric chair, but the Abandoned Champion shrugs him off with a hard shove! Dunn turns RIGHT INTO AN ENZUIGIRI FROM SETH OMEGA! We still have us a wrestling match, ladies and gentlemen, by GOD what a kick to the head!

Sam: Okay, fine, I GUESS I can wait a little longer to see somebody zapped…

Chase: Seth’s got Dunn up on his knees, and now those straight left hands, rapid-fire, right into the chops of the challenger! Man alive, he’s just FORCE-feeding him those closed-fist shots, and now a Yakuza Kick, straight to the face! Two straight kicks to the head, and Matt Dunn is now down, thoroughly dazed, and possibly concussed!

Sam: Good, he deserves it! So does Seth! God, I HATE being indecisive!

Chase: Personally, I find it kind of funny.

Seth looks down at the fallen Matt Dunn, then around the arena, and then back to the ring, where his signature axe handle lies waiting. He glances back down at Dunn again and smiles, and heads back down the ramp.

Chase: Seth’s…what’s he doing? He’s OH!! He’s getting the axe handle! Seth Omega isn’t satisfied with strapping Matt Dunn into an electric chair and electrocuting him to within an inch of his life, folks!

Seth snatches his weapon from the ring and heads back up the ramp to the stage, where Dunn has begun to stir. On his way, the champion stops and asks a young fan at ringside for his bottle of water, which the middle-school aged kid is more than happy to relinquish. Omega continues his way up and ramp and arrives on the stage, where he approaches the now-kneeling Matt Dunn.

Chase: And now he’s dousing Dunn with that bottle of water! Seth Omega, adding insult to injury for the man who has not given him a moment’s peace!

Sam: That, and a wet Matt Dunn is a more electrically conducive Matt Dunn!

Chase: Dunn to his feet, wiping the water from his eyes…Seth pulls back with the axe handle and HOLY SHIT!

Sam: The FUCK, how did he see that coming?!

Chase: Dunn caught Omega’s axe handle hand and twisted it into Leetspeak! My GOD, what a counter by the challenger! Now both men are down – Dunn on his knees, Omega flat on his back – and now Dunn’s pouring the rest of that water bottle on the champion!

Sam: This is great! They’re shitkicking each other!

Chase: Matt Dunn to his feet, and he kicks the axe handle off the edge of the stage. Odd…I would’ve thought he’d keep it, y’know, as a psychological weapon or something.

Sam: Does it really matter? He’s got Fat Bastard up and look, he’s going for the Ode!

Chase: Matt Dunn, looking for the Ode to the Brothers Dunn, and—NO!! No, the champion gets out of it with a sharp kick to the gut! Omega spins Dunn around and HOOKS HIM FOR THE HEART-SHAPED BOX—oh, but Dunn slides out the backdoor! He’s got Omega, and just SLAMS him backwards into the electric chair!

Sam: Holy shit, he’s almost got it!

Chase: Dunn, hurriedly trying to attach the electrodes, but Seth’s having none of it! A foot to the kneecap and a solid left hand to the face send Dunn stumbling backwards, and the Abandoned Champion’s up out of the chair! Dunn swings…Seth ducks behind him…HEART-SHAPED BOX! CHRIST ALMIGHTY, THE PILEDRIVER ONTO THE STAGE!

Sam: God-DAMN, he’s GOTTA be out after that!

Seth bodily drags Dunn to his feet and sets him up in the chair. Hastily attaching the electrodes to his opponent’s body, he staggers around to the side of the device and sets his hand on the lever. After what appears to be a moment’s hesitation, he mouths the words, “Fuck you, Matt!” and throws the lever.

Chase: OH MY GOD!!!

The crowd’s reaction is an even mix of bloodthirsty cheers and cries of pure disgust as Dunn’s body convulses. His half-lidded eyes fly open to show nothing but the whites, and his teeth begin to chatter incessantly in a sickening display of electric overcharge. Seth staggers back from the chair and falls on his ass, watching as steam begins to rise from Dunn and not hearing the bell ring to signify the end of the match.

Ella Vader: Here is your winner, and STILL FMW Abandoned Champion…SETH OMEGA!!

Seth Omega (8.00 aps + 1.0 avs = 9.00 total)
Matt Dunn (7.94 aps + 0.9 avs = 8.84 total)

Chase: That’s it! Seth Omega retains his title against the fearsome Matt Dunn! Dunn may be out for a while after this one, you don’t recover quickly from that many volts!

Sam: Good riddance. That fucker.

Chase: Ah, the history. Well, nevertheless, although Seth Omega has won, where do we go from now? This is the end to the last Distortion ever! We’re being shut down for being the best brand! This is ridiculous!

Sam: We’d better get a spot on PPV commentary, man. I’m fucking out of a job.

Chase: Seth Omega celebrates to a chorus of boos from the Distortion crowd, but he turns to the screen and points the audience to it... what’s going on?

Sam: Just watch and maybe we’ll find out!

The arena lights darken.

*******

“Electrify” by Mute Math hits the speakers and pyro explodes around the HSBC Arena in Buffalo, New York as FMW Distortion 9.1 hits the airwaves!

Chase: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD EVENING! Welcome to FMW DISTORTION 9.1! I’m your play-by-play man, and if you don’t recognize my voice by now, I’m Chase – former Tag Team Champion and member of Quick and the Dead along with-

Sam: Along with ME, Cactus Sam! Resident colour commentator extraordinaire and general all around violent maniac.

*******

Chase: Budd has to be done now, and Bobaganoosh feels the same, he's calling for B.U.G. to end this! Military Press from B.U.G., into a Tombstone, the Bug Zapper! But it doesn't end by pinfall, only by touching the corners, sand B.U.G.'s about to do just that. He picks up Budd's unconscious body, and now is hauling him around the ring, like some kind of war trophy!

Sam: This doesn't really have a point at this stage in the match, where your opponent is knocked out.

Chase: But it gets pretty easy though, as he touches one, two, three, and the fourth corner. Simple as that.

Ella Vader: And the winner of this match, the BIG UGLY GUYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Chase: And B.U.G. wins Distortion's first ever match!

Sam: It would've done better with more cowbell.

*******

Chase: Striker lifts... AND HOLY SHIT! HOLY MOTHER LOVING SHIT! SKYLER STRIKER NAILS THE RADICALITY 102 ON FROST AND SHATTERS HALF OF THE PLATFORM! FROST HITS THE MAT THIRTY FEET BELOW!

Sam: THAT’S AWESOME! THAT WAS SICKENING! FROST MUST BE DEAD!

Chase: AND STRIKER, STILL STANDING TALL, RETAINS THE BELT! HE WINS THE MATCH!

Ella Vader: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner and STILL the FMW Abandoned Champion, SKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYLER STRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKER!

*******

Chase: Striker is literally being choked to death before our eyes. This is disgusting.

Frost laughs as his foe is strangled, but his expression changes as “It’s Not My Time” by Three Doors Down plays over the arena to the cheers of the crowd.

Sam: What the-

Chase: Is that who I think it is?

A figure sprints down the ramp, not stopping at all, diving through the ropes and laying a vicious blow to the head of Frost.

Chase: IT’S LEON CAPRICE! LEON CAPRICE IS HERE!

Caprice wastes no time in controlling the weakened HavOc member, knocking Frost to the mat with a thunderous spinning lariat. Eastwood, now alone, releases Striker from the chain and jumps down to the ring to confront Caprice, but Caprice has already begun his run and hits a spectacular enzuigiri on Eastwood. Caprice helps Striker to his feet and the two look at each other in the ring for a second before they shake hands quickly and grab the two recovering HavOc superstars.

Chase: Leon Caprice has made the save and there’s no time wasted for cohesiveness between the two! It’s student and teacher here, Caprice a former pupil of Striker! Striker has Frost, Caprice has Eastwood, DOUBLE FINISHERS! Exile to Oblivion on Frost and the Timewarp on Eastwood! Striker and Caprice have left HavOc on the worse end of a defeat tonight!

*******

Chase: FROST IS FURIOUS! HE LIFTS CAPRICE UP!

Sam: HE’S GOING FOR THE FREEZER BURN!

Chase: NO! IT’S STRIKER FROM BEHIND! STRIKER KNOCKS FROST AND CAPRICE SLIDES OUT OF IT, STRIKER SPINS FROST, HOOKS THE ARMS! HE HITS IT! EXILE! TO! OBLIVION!!!!!!

Sam: HOLY SHIT! DID YOU SEE FROST LAND THERE? HIS NECK MAY BE BROKEN FROM THAT!

Chase: STRIKER PINS FROST! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEEE! WE HAVE NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! HAVOC’S REIGN OF TERROR IS OVER! SKYLER STRIKER AND LEON CAPRICE WIN THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS!

Ella Vader: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS AND NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW FMW UNDISPUTED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! LEON CAPRICE AND SKYLER STRIKER, CRASH SCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENE!!!!!!!!!!

*******

Chase: VanGuard GETS STRIKER INTO THE AMBULANCE! Striker’s fighting it!

Sam: VanGuard goes to close the door! This one’s over!

Chase: STRIKER GETS A HAND OUT! THAT DOOR ISN’T CLOSED YET!

Sam: Look at VanGuard look at that wrist... he’s got a menacing grin on his face!

Chase: No! He’s going to do what Slegna-

Sam: VANGUARD SLAMS THE DOOR ON STRIKER’S WRIST! AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN! THREE TIMES! STRIKER’S HAND STILL THERE!

Chase: THIS IS UNCALLED FOR! ANOTHER SLAM, ANOTHER! NOW A SIXTH! STRIKER’S HAND DROPS, VANGUARD SHOVES IT IN AND CLOSES THE DOOR! THIS ONE’S OVER!

Ella Vader: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner – STEVEN VANGUAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!

*******

Hostyle: You may not have come down here to interrupt, Romeomeo, but interrupt you did nonetheless. Had you waited your turn, you would have heard me finish my sentence. I’ll try again, and this time you try not to interrupt. Kay?

Chase: Could it be?

Sam: Romeo’s just in shock! This is great!

Hostyle: Amigos! Allow me to introduce to you the WINNERS of the Style Point Tournament, at TWENTY TWO POINTS EACH, ROMEO AND FAITH MCKENZIE!

Chase: HOLY SHIT!

Sam: IT’S A TIE! TRIPLE THREAT AT DEATH ROW THREE!

The crowd near-literally blow the roof off the stadium as “Omen” by Prodigy plays over the speakers. Faith silently emerges from behind the curtain, expressionless. Romeo is shocked in the ring as Hostyle just smiles and laughs at him. Faith slides into the ring silently, signs the contract without a word, and then departs the ring just as quickly.

Chase: In just one cycle, Faith McKenzie has made it to the World Championship match! This could be the story of a lifetime!

Hostyle grabs the contract, and signs the final spot himself, smiling at Romeo.

Hostyle: And this is now an official document. No going back on this one, Romeomeo! Death Row Three, Hostyle vs. Romeo vs. Faith! May the best innovator win!

*******

Romeo: And now I have two options. The first is to become Abandoned Champion a second time, but honestly, look at you. You’re pathetic. You’re a bloody mess, and your partner can’t even come save you because a big skinhead saw fit to take him out. You have no-one, nothing, and rumour has it you need rehab. What kind of a legacy is that? Huh? TELL ME!

Romeo holds the mic to Striker’s face, but Striker spits at him, furious.

Striker: I’m still standing.

Romeo: I can rectify that.

Omega and Apostasy throw Striker to Romeo, who immediately loads up and flattens Striker with a Strongarm Takeover. Striker remains face down on the mat as Apostasy and Omega look on, amused.

Romeo: The Abandoned Championship is tarnished by its own pathetic champion. I want no part of that. And so now you can all look on as I inform you that because there is no opposition next week for me, I declare myself the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER for the Full Metal World Championship!

*******

“The Might of Rome” by Hans Zimmer blares over the P.A. and MASS Caesar steps out onto the stage, grinning maniacally as ever, dressed in Roman military garb. Flavius Mercury follows closely behind, carrying a red cushion with him. The crowd boo Caesar as he steps into the ring and brandishes his sword around, but Mercury calmly avoids his weapon-waving master and removes the helmet and cape, as well as the sword, before moving to ringside.

Chase: No lion today?

Sam: I think it’s a bit overdone, Chase. That lion was a one-off and now it’s turned into an awkward sitcom character.

Chase: I think he’s more like the Janitor from Scrubs.

Sam: What, he pops up spouting non-sequiturs?

Chase: You don’t actually know what non-sequiturs are, do you?

Sam: No.

*******

Jaro looks furious, and he hands the shovel to Dunnwood, yelling at Vader to give him the mic, which she does. Dunnwood continues attacking the sack with the shovel, while Jaro looks livid, running his hand through his hair ala Edge.

Jaro: DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU GET IT NOW, YOU BASTARD? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK WITH ME! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU FUCK WITH JARO!! I WILL DESTROY YOU! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU FUCK WITH ME!!!! OPEN THE SACK, DUNNWOOD! OPEN IT! LET THEM SEE WHAT’S INSIDE!!!!

Dunnwood tosses the shovel aside and unties the top of the sack, dragging out what looks like the bloodied of Chuckles the Clown, former henchman of Harlequin.

Jaro: HEY, CHUCKLES! HEY! IF YOU LIVE, TELL THAT BASTARD HARLEQUIN THAT YOU DON’T FUCK WITH JARO!! TELL HIM YOU DON’T FUCK WITH ME! GOT IT?

Chase: Holy shit... that’s messed up.

Sam: Grow up, pansy. That’s Jaro. He’s sending a message in true Jaro style.

*******

Chase: WHO IS IT?

Sam: THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!

“I’m your huckleberry...”

Chase: NO FUCKING WAY!

Sam: IT CAN’T BE! IT JUST CAN’T! NO FUCKING WAY!

“Gimme Shelter” by the Rolling Stones plays over the speakers to a MASSIVE roar from the crowd. Spotlights focus on the entrance ramp, where JOHN “DOC” DERRICK appears to a roof-raising ovation!

Chase: IT’S JOHN DERRICK! JOHN “DOC” DERRICK IS THE OTHER NUMBER ONE CONTENDER TO THE WORLD TITLE!

Sam: TYRANT AGAINST STRIKER AGAINST DERRICK! IT’S EVERY SMARK’S DREAM!

Derrick walks past Celeste with a tip of his hat, and makes his way down the ramp. TyranT is livid with fury and Striker is almost the same, trying to contain his disbelief. Derrick slides into the ring with his former friend and the World Champion. The crowd are still on their feet, chanting “WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK!”.

Chase: IT’S A HUGE COMEBACK! JOHN DERRICK STANDS AGAINST THE MAN WHO TOOK HIM OUT OF THIS COMPANY AND THE WORLD CHAMPION!

Sam: Holy SHIT! THIS IS INCREDIBLE!

TyranT stands up to Derrick, holding up his World Title and asking ‘who the hell do you think you are?’. Derrick smiles at him, and then smashes his half-full beer bottle on TyranT’s head, bringing the Champion down to the mat!

Chase: HERE WE GO! DERRICK TAKES TYRANT DOWN!

Sam: LOOK AT THE WESTERN STANDOFF RIGHT HERE!

Skyler Striker faces off against Derrick, and after a moment for the crowd to cheer their voices out, he offers his hand to Derrick, which causes more boos from the audience.

Chase: DON’T DO IT!

Sam: WILL HE TAKE IT?!

Derrick looks at Skyler’s hand, then at Skyler, then back at his hand. Skyler looks at him questioningly, as if to say ‘why aren’t you taking it?’, but after a moment Derrick takes Skyler’s hand and shakes it.

Chase: ARE THEY ON THE SAME PAGE? I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! SKYLER’S SMILING!

Sam: NO! HE STEPS BACK AND HE’S GOING TO SUPERKICK DERRICK!

Chase: DERRICK DUCKS! JOHN DERRICK DUCKS A SKYLER STRIKER SUPERKICK AND HE HOOKS SKYLER, THERE’S WHISKEY BLACKOUT NUMBER SEVEN! JOHN DERRICK TAKE STRIKER OUT AND KICKS HIM OUT OF THE RING! JOHN DERRICK IS THE LAST MAN STANDING HERE TONIGHT!

*******

Chase: No! This is bullshit! Nick Bryson and PX are going to ruin any chance Team Distortion has of winning War Games!

There is a sudden cheer from the crowd as Bryson approaches the ring – APOSTASY jumps over the barricade and slams into Bryson from the side, starting a brawl between the two on the ramp. The crowd cheer wildly and PX looks around to see what’s going on.

Chase: FINALLY! Apostasy comes to save the day for Team Distortion here!

PX turns back to Omega and jumps at him, launching fists at the new Abandoned Champion.

Chase: Fuck this-

Chase throws off his headset and jumps into the ring, throwing PX off Seth and launching his own barrage at the TV Champion. The crowd cheer and then explode when Distortion stars pile down the ramp – Dunnwood, David GS, Trey Spruance, Mark Johansson and Alexander Crysto all arrive to help out their brand and receive massive cheers regardless of their normal standing with the crowd.

PX has nowhere to go and is immediately overwhelmed by the Distortion stars, who restrain him and begin obliterating the TV Champ. Apostasy and Bryson have brawled off into the crowd and Johansson hits the Crackdown on PX, starting a chain of finishers, each getting cheers from the crowd. Dunnwood hits the Dead Air Mk II, Spruance a T-Bone Suplex, Crysto the Shattered Skies and finally PX is handed to David GS, who gets the biggest cheers of all as he nails PX with the setup Spear.

The Distortion roster look away from Seth but the crowd begin chanting ‘Take him out! Take him out!’. David GS nods to Dunnwood and points towards the announce table, and Dunnwood lifts PX up, hoisting him onto his shoulder and climbing the turnbuckle to the second rope, where the crowd get on their feet in anticipation of what is coming. Dunnwood hoists PX in the air, lifting him high in a gorilla press position, but he faces the crowd and THROWS PX into the air, sending the TV Champion crashing through the announce table.

PX lies amongst the ruins of the announce desk as “Monster Monster” plays, signalling the end of the show. The green division’s stars and commentator play to the crowd as the copyright information comes up and then fades to black, leaving Distortion victorious on its own turf in the lead up to War Games.

*******

Chase: Frost shoves Austin hard against the pod! The pod glass shatters a little as Austin’s head bounces off! He stumbles back into a BLIND SIDE! Listen to those reactions! Austin is down!

Flare: Frost is near finished! He’s giving it all he’s got! He’s getting Chris Austin up! THE RED LABEL!!!!

Chase: Hannibal collapses onto Austin! He’s done!… But so is Austin! He has to be!

1!

Chase: War games!!!

2!

Chase: WAR GAMES!!!!!

THREE!!!

Chase: WWAAARRR GGGAAAAMMMMEEEESSS!!!!

Sound: NOOO!!!

Ella Vader: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHRIS AUSTIN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! THE WINNER OF THE WAR GAMES IS TEAM... DISTORTON!!!

Chase: YES! HANNIBAL FROST HAS DONE IT!!! HANNIBAL FROST HAS WON THE MATCH FOR TEAM DISTORTION! TEAM DISTORTION WINS THE FMW GAMES!

*******

In the ring, the lights come up. Seth Omega holds up his Abandoned Championship and then lays it in the center of the ring, exiting quietly to a round of applause from the fans. As Distortion closes for the final time, there is no commentary, no music, no-one in the ring save the Abandoned Championship. The only sound that can be heard is the chanting of the upstanding fans:

We're up for the last time ever! Congrats to the winners, especially Seth and DGS. For those of you now without a contract, don't worry - you'll get your shot at being on FMW programming if you stay tuned

Comment away!

OOC: Congratulations, DGS. I don't want to view this as a loss for PX, I want to see it as PX finally moving on to the big time. Congratulations to Seth too for retaining.

So... yes. Distortion has been cancelled, and I expect some questions to rise up from here on out.

OOC: Good show, nice, fitting ending. I loved the Jaro segment. As for Distortion being canceled, I haven't been here long but seemed that the place has lost some members and probably can't support three shows at this time. Maybe in the future but not now.

IC: At the entrance into the arena, a man in a Boston College Hoodie stood watching Leon Caprice take on Faith. He focused his green eyes on Faith and as the match unfolded, his lips curled into a smile.

"Hmm, Gotta love a woman who's willing to fight."



Turning to leave, Atlas dug his hands into his pockets and headed for the hotel.

OOC: Well, I certainly did not see that coming.

Not at all.

Oh well, Corruption it is then.

I really don't have any questions that can be asked out here in the open. ROMES, expect a pm from me soon.


IC: Tyrant?

Can you hear me up there on your high horse?

I'm comin' for ya. And if any gold card holders or neck breakers even try to get in my way... hell, that'll be a fun time.

Especially the neck breaker. I really do despise that man.

OOC: Pretty Good show, really enjoyed my own match, which I know you took on yourself David, good job and congrats on a top win, a worthy successor to a great title reign that I really enjoyed, and definitely the best part of my FMW career so far. I am proud to call myself longest reigning TV champion of all time, as well as most retentions (citation needed) but congrats again to you DGS, enjoy a sterling title run

OOC: Well shit...no more Distortion.

It was a very nice surprise to see DGS come out over PX, both guys are good people and both of them fought hard for it. That's what the TV Title is all about.

Leon and Frost should be interesting for a bit.

Also, hooray I retained.

So when is Distortion One Night Stand coming

IC: I guess I am suppose to give some kinda speech on what's it is like to be put on hold for your job, to be the last Abandoned Champion under the Distortion Banner, to be the last Distortionist of the Month for the last two times, to be the Main Event for the last three shows and be part of the winning team at War Games. You'd think I'd be overjoyed I can go out on such a high note, that I would be the top dog at least for a tiny bit on the Green Show, but instead I have something ripped away the last minute.

Getting showered with boos is something that I am normally good at doing, but tonight...tonight there was only one villain, and it was Jaro. For at least one night, everyone was a hero...now we have to find a way to move on from this and earn jobs back...or at the very least earn a little bit of pride back.

Matt Dunn, I am done with you. Your ass is fried, and my ass is still the champion. There will always be history between the two of us, but in the end everyone will always say "Seth Omega had his number...". You took away something I cherished from me, it's only fitting that this ends with me doing the exact same thing to you.

Now onto you Aidan...we already know that Celeste is dead, we know Distortion is dead, and we know that next Corruption could be my last match. Of course we don't like each other anymore, but we've always had that mutual respect for one another...so let us show them what it's all about.

OOC: I HATE the fact that Distortion got cancelled for winning the FMW Games. I absolutely despise it.

Props to DGS for finally having a title to go with his ability, and despite Matt dropping the ball in my eyes, Omega did prove he was deserving to be Abandoned Champion since, despite not his best, he still defeated Matt so props to him. I've only skimmed the show, but I must say the fact that the announcement went first kind of dampened things for me. I really don't like this happening to Distortion. Anyway, based on what I skimmed, TyranT should be worried and possibly the Wayward Sons too. Either way, it looks like one hell of a farewell to go out on, but this isn't right.

I might do IC shit later.

OOC: Possibly the wayward sons?? Possibly!?

Maybe...

EDIT:: And don't feel bad about Distortion. It's needed for the time being. Staff and talent are spread a little thin.

Just think of it as goin back to basics.

Porygon-X wrote:

OOC: Pretty Good show, really enjoyed my own match, which I know you took on yourself David, good job and congrats on a top win, a worthy successor to a great title reign that I really enjoyed, and definitely the best part of my FMW career so far. I am proud to call myself longest reigning TV champion of all time, as well as most retentions (citation needed) but congrats again to you DGS, enjoy a sterling title run

Wanted to do PX v. DGS justice, ya know?

Distortion being gone definitely dampens the whole title victory thing for me. Really enjoyed being on and writing for the misfit-gimmick-whatever show, and as far as IC goes, this pisses me off more than anything WWE or TNA or ROH has ever done. Ever. Still, congrats to Seth for successfully defending on the last show (what happens to the Abandoned Title after this?), and to all others who won. Let it be said we went out with a bang.

Also, Sons of Attrition = cool name. Looking forward to seeing them v. WWS, because you KNOW it's gonna happen.

The new FMW Television Champion, David GS...yeah, that sounds about right.

Hell yeah it's gonna happen.

Congrats on the title win, btw. Looking forward to watching your rising success here, Mr. DGS.

OOC: Distortion was top show this round definitely....One hell of a swan song! I am proud to say I bled green...Congrats to all who upped their game with this show...DGS and Hannibal specifically.

I am just coming into my own here on the Green Brand and that fuckhead Jaro cancels us!! I call bullshit...I will land on Ammo or Corruption and I will show the world why I still bleed green. I am going to fuck some people up along the way and grab a title or two as I go. Watch out for the Once and Future King folks, I am far from done. FMW here I come!!

David GS wrote:

The new FMW Television Champion, David GS...yeah, that sounds about right.

Stands up and gives David a standing ovation.

From one champion to another, it was a long time coming. Well done, and a banner day in the classroom for you.

You two make me sick.

Someone seems mad that he was not praised for his victory.

I should strip him of his championship just to see if it makes him less of a bitch.

Don't let being a double champion go to your head Skyler Lite, I'd hate for you to develop a drug problem and leave your best friend hanging.

It's times like this I wish Dunnwood wasn't comatose.

ooc: awesome show, sad to see it ending but it's for fair reasons. It's also a huge night for a Mr. DGS! Congrats man and let's hope you can continue this singles run for a long while. In terms of the frost/ Leon angle I am excited and looking forward to writing alongside a future vet of this fed. In terms of the final seg it was great and fitting, so much like Anxiety before it distortion will be on the hearts f those who grew in it.

Now I don't have a high level of Internet so I'll be limited to the occasional post and I'll definately vote at 12.2 so don't count me completely gone yet!!

Ic: egos, championships and bragging rights, well at least I still am employed, how about you Seth??

OOC: What the hell is going on?

IC: Back to Ammunition? I couldn't have planned this any better.........

Leon Caprice wrote:

Ic: egos, championships and bragging rights, well at least I still am employed, how about you Seth??

OOC: Actually, Seth is still employed. You are not.

Leon Caprice wrote:

ooc: awesome show, sad to see it ending but it's for fair reasons. It's also a huge night for a Mr. DGS! Congrats man and let's hope you can continue this singles run for a long while. In terms of the frost/ Leon angle I am excited and looking forward to writing alongside a future vet of this fed. In terms of the final seg it was great and fitting, so much like Anxiety before it distortion will be on the hearts f those who grew in it.

Now I don't have a high level of Internet so I'll be limited to the occasional post and I'll definately vote at 12.2 so don't count me completely gone yet!!

Ic: egos, championships and bragging rights, well at least I still am employed, how about you Seth??

Slings the Abandoned Championship over his shoulder.

I have won a singles title here and defended it, how about you?

OOC: Burn!!

IC:

"Not even had my debut yet and a show is canceled. Not a good sign."

Omega wrote:

Don't let being a double champion go to your head Skyler Lite, I'd hate for you to develop a drug problem and leave your best friend hanging.

I think you're forgetting that my 'best friend' is an alcoholic that has issues with showing up to matches period, let alone on time.

And no, I'm not letting this go to my head, I don't particularly care about being a 'double champion'. We haven't defended the tag belts so in truth, they're just padding stats and the C-4 title is an unfortunate plus that came with defeating Drew Michaels.

I honestly have half a mind to give both of these belts away. I don't need a damn belt to tell me I'm the most technically sound mother fucker in this place, I've put in the work and seen it pay off long enough to know that.