FMW 2007 Draft

Stone: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Full Metal Wrestling draft! Tonight, we will be drafting our entire roster of Full Metal Superstars to two brand new shows: Alchemy and Anarchy! I’m standing here in the War Room alongside my broadcast colleague, and one-night-only draft analyst, the legendary Phantom Lord!

Phantom: Gracias. Yes, it’s going to be a wild couple of hours. Nobody is safe. Partnerships will end, championships will be dispersed, doors will open on new feuds. God, it’s a good time to be a wrestling fan.

Stone: That it is! From our understanding, the CEO of Full Metal Wrestling, Jaro will be drafting the roster for Alchemy and his Vice President Zuzu will be drafting the roster for Anarchy. Does this show any particular favoritism that the CEO has chosen Alchemy for his drafting grounds?

Phantom: No, I don’t think so. Although I do question how effective an ostrich will be at selecting a core group of superstars for one of our new brands. Anarchy is fucking right. With the bird making the picks, that show could quickly become a nightmare!

Stone: That’s debatable. Our beloved CEO is a few stars short of a constellation, himself. I think you put it best when you said it’ll be a wild couple of hours.

Phantom: I always put it best, Stone. It’s just how Phantom Lord does things. But make no mistake about it, the face of Full Metal Wrestling will be changed forever here tonight. And there are so many different possibilities as to how this could play out!

Stone: Exactly. Who will be the superstar that gets the dubious honor of being the first draft pick? Who will be Mr. Irrelevant and be picked dead last? Will there be any surprise superstars debuting tonight in the draft?

Phantom: If the first few months of Full Metal Wrestling is any indication, this draft should be full of surprises!Stone: And what about the possibility of tag teams being split apart? And stables too? Is anybody truly safe?

Phantom: Well, Jaro informed me prior to this broadcast that some tag teams will be eligible to be drafted together. SoCal Connection, Dangerous by Design, just to name a few. Although he made it a point to say that the O’Rions, as well as the Black Covenant, are NOT safe!

Stone: OH MY! Well that’s interesting news indeed. But there’s no use asking any more questions. Let’s get this show on the road, so we can get some answers! Folks, CEO Jaro and VP Zuzu are about ready to begin the draft.

The shot zooms out to reveal an unorganized, dusty attic. A dim light barely illuminates the room, emanating above a large marble coffee table. Jaro sits in a chair at one end of the table, Zuzu is comfortably seated at the other. There is a RISK game board between them. Zuzu is clearly dominating the game, as he has a confident look across his beak.

Jaro: Your conquest ends here, Zuzu! I am attacking Afghanistan with the Ukraine! Your piddly little soldiers stand no chance against my mighty cannons!

Zuzu: WARK! WARK!

Jaro: What the fuck do you mean the draft is starting now? I’m not falling for that trick this time. Fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice…

Zuzu: WAAARK!

Jaro: FINE! We’ll start drafting now. But this game will resume once we’ve finished, I have you right where I want you.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK!

Jaro: Hell no! You’re not getting the first pick just because you own all of Africa and South America. No way, dude!

Zuzu: Waaarkk….

Jaro: Don’t be such a gloomy gus, we’ll settle this with a good ol’ fashioned round of Rock, Paper, Scissors! I am such a genius. You ready? (Zuzu nods.) Rock… paper… scissors… GO!

Jaro creates paper with his hand. Zuzu creates paper with his feathers.

Jaro: Shit, it was a tie. Let’s go again. (Zuzu nods) Rock… paper… scissors… GO!

Jaro creates paper with his hand. Zuzu creates paper with his feathers.

Jaro: GOD DAMNIT! Okay, AGAIN…

45 minutes later…

Jaro: FUCKING HELL! Why is that every time I decide to make paper… you make paper too! It’s like you can read my mind or something, and just want to keep this going for as long as possible, so you never have to lose to me at RISK…

A light bulb goes off in Jaro’s head.

Jaro: Hmmm. Alright. This is the last try. Ready, Zuzu? (Zuzu nods) Rock… paper… scissors… GO!

Jaro creates scissors with his hand. Zuzu creates paper with his feathers.

Jaro: HA! Scissors cuts paper! YOU LOSE!

Zuzu: Waaark…

Jaro: Paper is the only thing you could possibly make with your wings? That’s a lame excuse. You could have made a rock if you tried.

Zuzu: WARK! WARK!

Jaro: No, it will NOT be best two out of three! I win. It’s over. Alchemy has the first draft pick. And with the first pick of the Full Metal Wrestling draft… Alchemy selects….

Jaro: THE C-4 CHAMPION, DR. DAVID DIABOLICAL!


Stone: WOW! What a shocker! Instead of taking the Full Metal Champion, Jaro chooses the C-4 Champion, Dr. David Diabolical! What do you think that means, Phantom? …Phantom? (nudges Phantom)

Phantom: HUH? What’d I miss!? I fell asleep after Round 18 of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Stone: The first pick of the draft, the C-4 Champion, Dr. David Diabolical!

Phantom: I like that pick a lot. Diabolical is an excellent long-term investment for this company, and is arguably the greatest pure wrestler we have ever seen. He’s cocky, he’s calculating, and he’s confident. You don’t want much else out of your first pick.

Stone: What about class? Or some integrity?

Phantom: Those things are overrated. Nobody has ever been successful because they were a gentleman. Diabolical is going to carry Alchemy into the future.

Stone: I find this pick interesting because it shows the confidence the CEO has in the C-4 Division. I would not be surprised in the least if the C-4 Championship quickly became the most sought-after prize of the Alchemy brand! Not to mention, by choosing Diabolical over Ethan Black, Jaro has made it known that he believes the C-4 style of wrestling is the future of this business.

Phantom: And it’ll put asses in seats. Every time Diabolical and his C-4 brethren step in the ring, you get nothing short of a wrestling clinic. I wonder what kind of confidence this gives the good Doctor?

Stone: Oh, I am sure we will never, ever, ever hear the end of it. Folks, we are going to take a very quick commercial break. When we come back, Zuzu will make the first pick for the Anarchy brand! Don’t go anywhere!

Stone: And we’re back. In case you missed the first 50 minutes of our broadcast, Dr. David Diabolical was selected as the first draft pick for Alchemy!

Phantom: And what an exciting 50 minutes it was…

Stone: It will be interesting to see who Zuzu takes here. Will Anarchy counter Diabolical by drafting the War Machine, or will he select the FMW Champion, Ethan Black? Or neither?

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK… (with the second draft pick)… WARK WARK WARK… (Anarchy selects)… WARK WAAAAAARK WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!!!!!!!! (THE FULL METAL CHAMPION, ETHAN BLACK!)



Stone: No surprise there, but what a pick!

Phantom: No shit. This would have been my #1 pick. Ethan Black has proven he belongs on the top of the FMW Champion, outlasting 31 other superstars in the Road to Glory Tournament to win the federation’s most coveted prize.

Stone: Anarchy even gets a little bit of a bonus with Eve!

Phantom: No complaints here. She is smoking red hot.

Stone: And we’ve been told that the Full Metal Champion will be eligible to travel between both brands, defending his championship against all comers. Perhaps this is why Jaro did not see Ethan as the obvious #1 pick?

Phantom: Even so, this is the all-star of Full Metal Wrestling. Black is the top dog. Black is the man to beat. Black is the most dominant superstar we have the pleasure of accommodating. And it has to be a good feeling for Anarchy to know that if he is ever defeated, he will make his home at Anarchy. Tremendous pick.

Stone: I wonder though how the champion feels to not be the first overall pick? That has to be a bit of a shocker for him.

Phantom: You’re damn right it is. He told us before our broadcast went on the air that it would be a travesty if he were anything but numero uno. Diabolical my friend, I’m afraid you just made the Black Covenant’s shit list.

Stone: I, for one, would love to see a potential match-up between David Diabolical and Ethan Black. And because the champion can travel shows, we may just get that match! But we still have a lot of drafting to go, and Jaro seems ready to make the 3rd pick of the draft…

Jaro: With the third overall pick, and the second pick for Alchemy, the blue brand will select… ANDREW O’RION!



Stone: The man who went toe to toe with Ethan Black in the finals of the tournament at Death Row! And in my opinion, the rightful owner of the FMW Championship.

Phantom: Get real. Black won the belt, fair and square.

Stone: I’m not sure exactly how fair it was… but in any event, this is a blockbuster pick, and this is Alchemy’s answer to Ethan Black. It may not be too long before the Full Metal Championship resides on Alchemy with a pick like this!

Phantom: You know, I could slap you right now. If you ever think that the FMW Championship will be held by an O’Rion brother, much less by the most pathetic of all the O’Rions, you’ve got another thing coming to you.

Stone: Not for nothing, Andrew outlasted all three of his brothers in the Road to Glory tournament. If I had to bet on just one of the three talented brothers, Andrew would be my winning horse.

Phantom: Well, this supposed stallion is very fortunate to be picked by Alchemy. He’d do himself far better to ride off into the sunset then to mess with Ethan Black once again!

Stone: Andrew O’Rion, the 3rd pick of the draft, and the newest member of the Alchemy roster. How will Zuzu be able to top that?

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK… (with the fourth draft pick)… WARK WARK WARK… (Anarchy selects)… WARK WAAAAAARK WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!!!!!!!! (THE ULTRAVIOLENT CHAMPION, WAR MACHINE!)



Phantom: Does THAT answer your question? Anarchy officially becomes the home of the hardcore with that pick! I like it.

Stone: Anarchy adds another championship to its repertoire, and this one will be permanent. The Ultraviolent Championship is exclusive to Anarchy now, just as the C-4 Championship will be exclusive to Alchemy!

Phantom: Zuzu must have some sort of affection for the Black Covenant, because he’s making sure that they stick together. Mark my words, Stone. Anarchy will become the Covenant’s own personal playground. There isn’t a man on the entire roster that can stop the combined might of Ethan Black and the War Machine.

Stone: That remains to be seen. The other two O’Rion brothers, cYnical, RAMPAGE!, Drew Michaels, X… they’re all still on the board!

Phantom: You better shut up, Stone. Or else War Machine might do to you what he did to poor Mr. Woodchuck.

Stone: Point taken! Folks, we’re going to take another quick break and when we return, the rest of the draft will continue to unfold!

Jaro: With the fifth overall pick… Alchemy selects… ALEX O’RION!



Stone: Alex O’Rion! Another O’Rion graces Alchemy with their presence!Phantom: You’re making me gag, Stone. Am I supposed to be thrilled with the fact that Alchemy is one big O’Rion jerk circle? Please Lord; have me be doing commentary on Anarchy. And be a dear and get me away from Stone too. He can have his precious O’Rion brothers all to himself on Alchemy.

Stone: Oh come on Phantom, you can’t deny that the O’Rion gene pool is ripe with talent. And Alex may have the most untapped potential out of the three of them! I’m excited to see what Alex will be able to accomplish on Alchemy.

Phantom: He has that match with David Diabolical for the championship on the horizon. My fingers are crossed that he blows it.

Stone: I wouldn’t strain yourself too much. Alex has everything it takes to be a champion in this business.

Phantom: He’s just as fortunate as his brother. If he stepped foot on the Black Covenant’s show, he’d be ripped limb from limb.

Stone: Speaking of the Black Covenant variety hour… errr… I mean, Anarchy. Zuzu is ready to make the sixth pick of the draft.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK… (with the sixth draft pick)… WARK WARK WARK… (Anarchy selects)… WARK WAAAAAARK WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!!!!!!!! (ADRIAN O’RION!)



Phantom: Noooooo…

Stone: Oh my god! A second shocker! The O’Rions have officially been split apart.

Phantom: Life’s not fair. Now, no matter where I end up, I’ll be stuck calling a match with an O’Rion in it.

Stone: I love this pick for Anarchy, and despite being separated from his family, Adrian should be thrilled! He is now free to step out of the shadow of his older brothers, and shine brightly on his own.

Phantom: Or… now that he doesn’t have the protection of his brothers, he’s nothing more than meat in the desert for the vultures on Anarchy. Hmm. I like that. I like that a lot.

Stone: I wouldn’t count on it, Phantom. FMW 2.1 was proof of purchase, this kid can hold his own! Does Alchemy even the odds now by picking a Black Covenant member with the seventh overall pick?

Phantom: That would be a very uncool thing for Jaro to do.

Jaro: With the seventh pick of the draft… Alchemy selects… RAMPAGE!




Stone: Now this is an interesting pick. RAMPAGE! survived to the semi-finals of the Road to Glory tournament, only to be narrowly defeated by Andrew O’Rion.

Phantom: And that match could have easily gone either way. In my opinion, this is a hell of a dark horse to bet on.

Stone: A dark horse? Now, now Phantom. Keep the racist comments to a minimum. There may be children watching.

Phantom: No, fool! Can’t you be serious for once? Always cracking jokes. What I mean is that RAMPAGE! has got the look, he’s got the size, and he’s got the intensity. So long as he keeps on taking his Ritalin, this will be a superstar for the future. Great pick for Alchemy.

Stone: I won’t argue with you there. I’d even go as far to say that RAMPAGE! may be the face of Full Metal Wrestling someday. He’s just that good.

Phantom: Let’s not push it. Everyone knows that Phantom is the face of Full Metal Wrestling.

Stone: And I’m the one who’s always cracking jokes?

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK… (with the eighth draft pick)… WARK WARK WARK… (Anarchy selects)… WARK WAAAAAARK WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!!!!!!!! (DREW MICHAELS!)



Stone: Anarchy becomes more hardcore by the minute! This time, they add quite possibly the most lethal weapon in Full Metal Wrestling.

Phantom: Mel Gibson would be rolling in his grave if he were dead. Unfortunately, he isn’t.

Stone: Out of all the superstars on the FMW roster, Drew Michaels is the one that I would least like to step into the ring with. This man could kill you with his bare hands, and when you give him a weapon… good lord…

Phantom: And that’s the scariest part. With the Ultraviolent atmosphere that Anarchy is developing, he’ll always have a weapon at his disposal. Color me terrified.

Stone: We’re going to take yet another break. When we come back, will Alchemy look to add more wrestling purists? Will they lock up the only champions left on the roster, the SoCal Connection? Don’t touch that remote!

Phantom: Man, I really gotta take a shit…. Oh no, we still on the air? DAMNIT! Always happens to me.

Jaro: With the 9th overall pick, Alchemy selects the Full Metal Tag Team Champions. Korran Halycon and The Sublime; The SOCAL CONNECTION!



Stone: Huge move there by Alchemy by selecting the Tag Team Champions.

Phantom: You've got that right. It makes up to Anarchy having the Full Metal Champion.

Stone: Korran Halycon and The Sublime have made a really impressive start here at FMW and they will make a great addition to the Alchemy roster.

Phantom: Not to mention that the sky is the limit for these two young bucks. Never have I seen a tag team rise up the ranks so quickly. Mark my words, there is potential here. LOVIN' that pick.

Stone: Here comes Zuzu with Anarchy's pick.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 10th overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (X AND CYNICAL!)




Stone: Wow, big move there by Anarchy. HUGE!

Phantom: Selecting bitter rivals at the same time, big move.Stone: Indeed. Now we'll see their fued continue into the new era.

Phantom: Yeah exactly, and after the upset at 2.1 where cYnical hit his finisher out of nowhere to put X out of commission...

Stone: Don't forget how Dreamkiller attacked cYnical and Smoochy from behind with that cane.

Phantom: I haven't, and I know that X and Dreamkiller haven't.Stone: Regardless, these two guys are proven main eventers in the FMW. Anarchy may have just jumped out in front in terms of big name superstars.

Jaro: With the 11th overall pick, Alchemy selects RED DRAGON!

(NO PIC)

Stone: The Russian Wonder himself, Red Dragon. That man will make the C-4 Division proud.

Phantom: Without a doubt, comrade.

Stone: I know that he has had his eye on the C-4 Division Championship since the day that he showed up in FMW. Wise move there by the staff to select him to Alchemy.

Phantom: The Red Dragon is on the blue team. How, unfitting?

Stone: Well Nikolai has voiced his displeasure for the way he has been portrayed in FMW. He doesn't feel that he's coming across as the ring general that he is.

Phantom: I know Dragon, the man sees wrestling as an art-form. He has very exquisite tastes, and when he sees himself being portrayed in a negative light, he'll say so. But I know that he will do everything in his power to make himself a bonafide superstar, and management would be wise to accomodate him.

Stone: I'm sure they will! We don't want to lose this one-of-a-kind technician.

Phantom: I challenge you to find anybody on the roster who can last even 10 minutes with Red Dragon. That's where our comrade excels. He has unrivaled endurance, and he will certainly go the distance on Alchemy.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 12th overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (LUCAS DRAGO!)



Stone: The OC Superstar has been selected to Anarchy.

Phantom: Have I ever got a surprise for you.

Stone: What is it?

Phantom: Well, you know how the pretty boy doesn't want anyone to touch his precious face. Well, I have a message from his former manager, Andrew King.

Stone: Oh no, he didn't.

Phantom: He did. "Dearest Lucas, due to your recently discovered independence, I have made arrangements with FMW management to have you drafted to the show that is harder than hardcore, Anarchy. Good job with your prettyboy looks. Cheers, Andrew."

Stone: But hold the phone, weren't Andrew and Drago able to make peace at our last broadcast!? Why would he do this to his own client?

Phantom: Zuzu must be a little slow on the button. That, or he doesn't check his Hotmail inbox very often. By the way, zuzusexybird738@hotmail.com.Drago must be steaming mad with Andrew right now! Talk about a miscommunication!

Stone: Cry me a river. Those two scoundrels have just gotten exactly what they deserve. Couldn't have happened to two nicer guys.

Jaro: With the 13th overall pick, Alchemy selects Flare and Hostyle, DANGEROUS BY DESIGN!



Stone: First the Tag Team Champions and now their rivals Dangerous by Design! Go Alchemy!

Phantom: The tag division appears to be heating up by the second.

Stone: Flare and Hostyle, two very innovative and technical wrestlers are going to make an amazing addition to the Alchemy roster. They have made one hell of an impact here at FMW since they day that they showed up.

Phantom: Remember a couple shows back when St. N revealed himself to be Flare and he and Hostyle destroyed half of the tag division?

Stone: I do, that was a big night.Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 14th overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (HOMICIDE AND JAMES MCDAYGO... THE M.W.A.)



Stone: James McDaygo and Homicide. Great picks there by Anarchy to help out their tag division.

Phantom: The new number one contenders to the Full Metal Tag Team Championships. What a steal by Anarchy.

Stone: Both men are at home in a hardcore ring. It makes sense that they were picked by Anarchy.

Phantom: Anarchy will really luck out of these two can bring home the tag team gold as well. I think that Anarchy just stole one from Alchemy. Stone: Time will tell.

Jaro: With the 15th overall pick, Alchemy selects... a scab on the vagina of professional wrestling... TAKEOVER!



Stone: Wow. An interesting choice considering Jaro's disdain for Takeover. Perhaps he knows that Takeover is beneath him, and he's rubbing it right in his face!

Phantom: Takeover is beneath him? That isn't a fact. That's just an opinion.

Stone: I think what transpired at Death Row speaks for itself.

Phantom: Well... yeah. I got nothin'. Poor pitiful-ass Takeover. Maybe someday his prince will come.

Stone: Well at the same time, Takeover is an accomplished athlete and can hold his own against just about any opponent he's put up against. You're not the longest reiging Western Heritage Champion in the PWA without being a hell of a talent.

Phantom: AH! THE P WORD!

Stone: Jaro did what he had to do for the business and put his personal feelings aside. I like the Takeover pick, to be honest with you.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 16th overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (SYANIDE!)



Stone: The leader of the Fourth Reich has been selected to Anarchy!

Phantom: Heil Syanide!

Stone: I know that he'll be going right after that Ultraviolent Championship again. He and War Machine have unfinished business.

Phantom: ...He has unfunished business with Rabbi as well.

Stone: Wow, Syanide has his plate full.

Phantom: The Sadistic Skinhead definitely has a giant bullseye on his back now. It serves him right though.

Stone: What does surprise me is that he's been drafted at all. He shouldn't even have a job after the despicable acts he committed against poor Daniel at FMW 2.1. Absolutely disgusting.

Jaro: With the 17th overall pick, Alchemy selects the last Bikie of Justice. C.G.S.!



Stone: CGS, a great C-4 Division wrestler!

Phantom: A great addition to the Alchemy roster he will make.

Stone: Okay, Yoda.

Phantom: So I like Star Wars, sue me.

Stone: Maybe you should team up with Diddly.

Phantom: Oh come on now. I wouldn't want to steal any attention away from Showstoppa. After all the attention he's given me in the past...

Stone: C.G.S. may be the largest man in the C-4 division, and is easily one of the most intimidating.

Phantom: Adds a little spice to Alchemy. I can dig that.

Stone: Zuzu just shoved Jaro out of the way, I think he's excited by the next draft pick.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 18th overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (STYXX!)



Stone: Another member of the Black Covenant going to Anarchy.Phantom: This big man will make a great addition to the Anarchy roster. The guy shows no remorse when he wrestles and I can tell you right now that weapons will only make this man more of a threat than he already is.

Stone: You saw what he did in the 15 Minute Massacre. This guy is deadly.

Phantom: He already ruined Suki Mi Wang's career. I'm sure he's looking to ruin more on Anarchy. Great pick there by management.

Stone: And the Black Covenant continues to stay in tact. That must bring a smile to Ethan's evil face.

Jaro: With the 19th overall pick, Alchemy selects Brody McBrayer, Jackie Test and Gregory Stevens. THE TRINITY!





Stone: Three?!

Phantom: Three.

Stone: The Trinity?!

Phantom: The Trinity.

Stone: Wait.. wait... FOUR!?

Phantom: YES! IF YOU INCLUDE THE BROAD IT'S FOUR! ARE YOU RETARDED!?

Stone: Wow. Those guys can be glad that they didn't end up on Anarchy. They're all technical wrestlers and are fed up with the use of weapons in matches. C-4 will suit these three just fine.

Phantom: And of all the superstars on the Alchemy roster, these three may be the MOST technical of the group. If you can believe that. These are your Four Horsemen. Well Three Horsemen and one Horsewoman.

Stone: She should be the one doing the ridin--

Phantom: STONE! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Stone: No, just white women.

Phantom: Inside joke for you noobapotami. Here's Zuzu with Anarchy's next pick.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 20th overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (THE HOODSTARZ & HARLEQUIN!)




Stone: Well, since Alchemy got three picks in one, it's only fair that Anarchy gets the same. They just picked up Infinity and Mac Deezy, the HoodStarZ as well as Harlequin, the final member of the Black Covenant.

Phantom: It should come as no surprise that Anarchy picked up Harlequin, the rest of his stable is over there. What an incredible coup for Anarchy. All four of those talented competitors. Anarchy was able to carefully nab them all!

Stone: Infinity and Mac Deezy showed at 2.1 that they aren't afraid to use weapons as they took T. Ekstreme and Trey Spruance out of commission before their match. Speaking of Spruance, he's apparently going to be out for a few weeks with an injury as a result of that beating.

Phantom: They beat the hell out of them before that match. I'm sure that Michaels will be out for revenge now that the Hood Starz are on the same show.

Stone: I agree. And maybe T. Ekstreme will be joining them momentarily? Not right now though, because here comes Jaro with the next pick for Alchemy.

Jaro: With the 21st overall pick, Alchemy selects the self proclaimed "Immortal" Showstoppa and his tag partner Diddly Fusion. THE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS!



Stone: Funny how Jaro said that Fusion was Showstoppa's tag partner.

Phantom: Well, he is.

Stone: No, I mean, the tone in his voice. It was like... Showstoppa is the superhero and Fusion is just his sidekick.

Phantom: Oh, I didn't catch that. I think that you're hearing things.

Stone: Who knows? The Siginicant Others will make a great addition to the Alchemy roster, especially with Showstoppa being the first C-4 Division Champion in Full Metal Wrestling history.

Phantom: I heard it this time, though! You didn't even acknowledge Diddly!

Stone: Well, I don't know. Diddly hasn't done much to better his name lately.

Phantom: Things change, Stone. I promise you that. After all, Phantom knows best.

Stone: Here comes Zuzu with Anarchy's next pick.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 22nd overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (OROCHI AND JOHN DERRICK!)




Stone: And just to avoid any confusion, these two are not tag team partners. I don't think they've even met, and they probably wouldn't like each other!

Phantom: Probably not. A mystical ninja, and a down-to-earth rock-em-sock-em renegade. Two guys that were designed for Anarchy if I ever saw them. Both are relatively unknown and relatively unproven. Which means these could be very good or very bad picks by the bird.

Stone: Or maybe a little bit of both.

Phantom: Only one way to find out, put them in the ring together. It'll be like Sub-Zero vs. Kano! MORTAL KOMBAT!

Stone: Let's see if Jaro can pick up a flawless victory with his next pick.

Jaro: With the 23rd overall pick, Alchemy selects RABBI!



Stone: Rabbi is going to Alchemy?

Phantom: Well, he is a more technical wrestler than a hardcore wrestler.

Stone: I know, but what about his dealie with Syanide?

Phantom: Time will tell I guess.

Stone: It can't be over, just like that. Can it?

Phantom: I'm sure that we haven't seen the last of it. That Skinhead is mutton-chop caaaraaazzzaaaay! He will find a way to get to the Rabbi.

Stone: I agree. I respect the decision made by management to try and keep these two apart, because their feud had gotten really personal. If you missed the Jarovision segment at 2.1, you may have missed one of the most rotten acts I have ever bared witness to.

Phantom: And the Rabbi will never forget it. Despite being on different rosters, you gotta believe he will find a way to get even. It's going to get really really messy.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 24th overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (T. EKSTREME!)



Stone: Well, T. Ekstreme joins his buddy Drew Michaels on the hardcore side of things. And despite not picking up many "W"s...

Phantom: Or any "W"s.

Stone: ...T. Ekstreme is about as hardcore as they come. He feels he personifies the Ultraviolent method, and is perhaps the most outspoken person on the roster when it comes to lashing out against the C-4 Division.

Phantom: Well then, he had better thank Zuzu for drafting him right where he belongs.

Stone: I'm thanking Zuzu as well. If Jaro had gotten the chance to draft T. Ekstreme, he may have left the company! He hates the C-4 division and wrestlers just THAT much.

Phantom: Oooh. Then I look forward to seeing T. Ekstreme putting his money where his mouth is if we ever have one of them cross-brand thingamajigs. We will have those, right?

Stone: Not sure, but with the way these rosters have been set-up, I would personally LOVE to see who comes out on top. It's been neck-and-neck so far!

Jaro: With the 25th overall pick, Alchemy selects ECLIPSE!



Stone: Great choice here by Alchemy with the selection of Eclipse to the roster. This guy, although winless since his start here at FMW, has been really impressive in all of his doubts. He's a legend in the business and has trained many of the greats.

Phantom: I expect he will be picking up some wins, but not anytime soon. I hear ol' Eclipse is off getting hitched!

Stone: It's about time! I've known Eclipse for years, and he's always been quite a ladies man. Good to hear he's finally settling down.

Phantom: Bah. I'm too much man for just one woman.

Stone: Burger King will do that to you.

Phantom: That's it. You, me, one-on-one, 15-foot-steel cage. Book it, birdbrain.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 26th overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (ERIC SCORPIO!)



Stone: There it is! The first TRUE gamble in the draft. Eric Scorpio has never stepped foot in an FMW ring.

Phantom: He's so cute. Look at him!

Stone: You're freaking me out man. You're freaking me out.

Phantom: I'd say I like the kid's chances, but shit, he has a hell of a roster to go through if he wants to reach the top of the mountain. Best of luck to ya!

Jaro: With the 27th overall pick, Alchemy selects BLACKWELL!



Stone: WHOA! HUGE surprise there!

Phantom: I didn't even know Blackwell was still alive! I could have sworn I saw his name in the obituaries listing. I had even bought a nice new black suit to attend his funeral!

Stone: What an unbelievable turn of events! When Blackwell is on his game, he is a forced to be reckoned with for ANY FMW superstar. He's perhaps the most twisted and sinister superstar alive today, and has unmatched strength! I don't even think Zuzu can believe it!

Zuzu:

Phantom: He's squawking mad, that's for sure. And man, now what am I gonna do with this suit...

Stone: EBay. They'll buy anything.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 28th overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (TRAVIS JAMES!)



Phantom: Zuzu just dropped the ball. And here I was expecting another shocker. Who the fuck is Travis James?

Stone: Aha! There's your ignorance showing. I've watched tapes of Travis James and he is an absolute machine when you stick him inside the ring. While he doesn't have the accolades that Blackwell does, he may have even more long-term potential. Travis James is going to be a staple in that Ultraviolent division, trust me. Stone knows best.

Phantom: If you love him so much why don't you marry him? And quit stealing my lines! There's only one Phantom in this world.

Stone: Thank heavens.

Phantom: That's it. YOU, ME, LAST COMMENTATOR STANDING MATCH. IT'S ON. IT'S REAL ON.

Stone: At this point in time, we would ask that you please have a moment of silence for Joey Gladstone and Mr. Woodchuck, both passed away at Full Metal Wrestling 2.1...

Phantom: BRAGH! ABABABABABA! WOOO WOOO BZZZZZ BONK DOOBIE! GOOBIE! RABBA RABBA RABBA!

Stone: Thank you Phantom, for those kind words. In any event, allow me to introduce you to our NEW backstage interviewers... CELESTE ROUSSEAU and VERONICA CHERRYWOOD!




Phantom: Welp, I just pitched a tent. I hope you're happy.

Stone: Good lord, somebody get Phantom a baggier pair of pants.

Phantom: Veronica Cherrywood sounds like a porn star. That's so hot.

Stone: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT THAT THING AWAY!

Jaro: With the 29th overall pick, Alchemy selects GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD!



Phantom: WTF. LOL.

Stone: Come again?

Phantom: ROFL. BBQ.

Stone: Barbeque?

Phantom: BRB.

Stone: Where are you going? Oh.. oh god. Try not to make too much of a mess in the bathroom, I may have to use it later. Well... in any event, this seems to be Loki's second crack at becoming an FMW Superstar. Things didn't work out well for him after an 0-2 start, but hey, maybe Guybrush is his calling! I'm anxiously awaiting the debut of Guybrush... and.... back so soon?

Phantom: Yeah. Shut up.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the 30th overall pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (THE CELT!)



Phantom: I've been waiting hours upon hours for the almighty Celt to be drafted! I'm popping the champagne!

Stone: That's not the only thing you've been popping.Phantom: You're taking things too far, you know that, right?

Stone: Well, this young superstar reminds me a lot of Taz. And not the one from ECW, I'm talking about Taz from the Looney Tunes.

Phantom: Drop an anvil on him. MEEP MEEP!

Stone: You're thinking about the coyote.

Phantom: Am I, Stone? Am I?

Stone: Yes. I believe so.

Phantom: Lies.

Stone: In any event, welcome to FMW, Celt! Y'ere awffly peely-wally!

Phantom: I have no idea what you just said. And speaking of that, how the fuck do we know who Zuzu is drafting? That just hit me. I mean, all he does is WARK! HOW DO WE KNOW!?

Stone: It's one of life's unsolved mysteries. Well, our draft has just about come to a close. Here comes Jaro with the FINAL pick, this had better be good.

Jaro: Well, it's that time. And what a bombsell I'm about to drop with concerns to the final pick of the draft. So without any further ado, let me present to you, the NEWEST acquisition to Full Metal Wrestling and the final Alchemist of the evening... ROBERT LILLEHAMMER!



Stone: WHOA! Did you hear that? Lillehammer is in FMW!

Phantom: I for one, have been waiting a long, long time to see Lillehammer in the FMW. He has the biggest mouth in professional wrestling, and he can back it up. Robert Milhous Lillehammer is an accomplished athlete, who will not only make you scream like a little girl when he gets you into the ring, but his words and verbal lashings will cut you to the bone. I'm impressed, Jaro. Excellent acquisition with the... final... pick of the draft.

Stone: And I'm sure that the ultra-conservative won't hold anything back on Alchemy... hey, wait a minute. Zuzu has come up to the podium...

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK!

Jaro: Huh? Whatchu talkin bout Zuzu?

Zuzu: WARK WAAARK!

Jaro: No, Zuzu, there are no more picks. We went through the entire potential roster. It's over. It's done. We can go back to RISK now.

Zuzu: WARK WARK WARK (With the FINAL pick).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (Anarchy selects).... WARK WARK WARK WARK (PHANTOM LORD!)



Jaro's jaw drops down to the floor.

Stone: You have got to be kidding me! PHANTOM!? Are you returning to the ring!?

Phantom Lord stands up from the broadcast booth, a triumphant look across his face. He raises his hands high.

Stone: Phantom Lord has been drafted to compete on Anarchy in what is easily the biggest shock of the night! What does this mean!? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?!?

Phantom: I like this pick, Stone. I like this pick a lot...

Jaro: Zuzu, you fiend!

Zuzu: WAAARK!

Phantom: Oh, but that's not all, Jaro. You see, your "loyal" vice president, your faithful companion, has turned over his shares in Full Metal Wrestling... to yours truly.

Jaro: WHAT!

Phantom: That's right. They say it helps to have friends in this industry, but they never said anything about your friends being birds. Looks like your feathered amigo has stabbed you in the back.

Jaro: I don't... I don't understand. Zuzu, did you just turn heel on me?

Phantom: This is not a joke, pal. You are looking at the NEW co-owner of Full Metal Wrestling. We'll make a great team, I'm sure.

Jaro: You have got to be kidding me... (turns to Zuzu) ... what the hell, you stupid fucking bird. I knew you were a terrible idea when I bought you from the pet shop.

Phantom: Don't worry, I'll take care of him. Now that all of the necessary paperwork has been completed, he is no longer of any use to me.

Phantom flips over the heavy coffee table, which crashes down on top of Zuzu. A feeble "wark" is all that can be heard. Phantom laughs maniacally and whisks himself away, off-screen. Stone jumps out of his seat to grab hold of him, but Phantom escapes, shouting...

Phantom: We'll make a great team, Jaro. A GREAT team!Stone: You son of a bitch.Jaro is speechless as he checks on his fading friend.

Jaro: Somebody get some fucking help!

Stone rushes away to call the EMTs, as the shot fades to black.Fade to the FMW credits.

Eric, this is the 2006 draft, not the 2007.

It could be considered the 2007, since this happened somewhere between December 20 and December 31 2006, and it was to take effect for 2007. There actually wasn't a 2007 either, it was more Anxiety's selection of Superstars from Anarchy and Alchemy. So Technically, it is the 2007 Draft, as well as the 2006.

Thanks, Bone Bone. By the way, does anybody have a copy of that rookie draft? I'd like to see it.