Nick Brysons Feedback Emporium - 13.1

Anwyl: I think that you have coding down much better this promo which makes your promos easier to read and thats a good part of the battle. I think the content of this promo wasn't as good as your previous effort, however. I felt like the interaction with the old man could have been either more humorous or more serious, for example. So perhaps try to flush things out a little bit more, and that doesn't mean you have to make things excessively long either. The main deal is though that you have to understand you know all there is to know about your character, whereas the reader just reading doesnt, so try to look at it from that point of view.

I saw you had quite a following though from the last show so it looks like you may be able to build up off that. Keep at it.

OJA: Reading over your promo, I dont understand why you have your initial monologue white and your actions colored, then you switch to having it all colored. While coding may seem like a small part of an issue, something that has too much coding is difficult to read, even if it slips your mind. You might want to just color the names of the speakers, especially if youre coloring your action. Also, try to keep the coding uniform through the promo. at one point the action is red, then its blue, etc. etc.

However, to the content of your promo I think this was a little improvement over your last one though, like Anwyl, you shouldn't be afraid to flush things out. You're timely and putting in effort, which more new people (and some vets) could stand to take notice of.

I would enjoy some feedback from the Mount V WINNER!!!

Vendetta: Firstly I have to say that this is one of the best 'new guy' promos Ive read in quite some time, and I think you write on a level that takes a lot of people a fair ammount of time to get. I thought that the promo was interesting and had a good length, and Im definately interested in reading more from you. I did think that the action in the scene was a little short, though I think the nostalgic open was really really superb. Fantastic even, so its really not that much of a concern.

All in all if you keep that level and timelyness you're going to go pretty far. I dont think you're quite on the level of most of the guys who have been doing this for a while, but I will say you're not that far off.


AVO: Again, I love the dialogue you use. For some reason I just like reading Axel, which is why I was sort of disappointed with this promo. It seemed a little short, and I didn't really understand the drug enduced hallucination, though Im sure you'll be clearing it up later. You might want to check some of the coding, and maybe center your images or something. Presentation is still a part, if only a small one. I'm interested in reading what you're coming up with next, though perhaps its because Im a glutton for punishment (lawl).

I'm officially requesting your feedback sir.

To clear up the drug induced hallucination it was from the drug the Doctor in part one gave Trey and I to knock us out so we would quit carrying on....I am getting into a wheelhouse with Axel and his off the cuff attitude...I can write how other people take him pretty well, but I am having issues writing how others carry themselves character wise, like Trey. I just made him an extension of AVO, but it felt weak to me. As far as length my promos will never be too crazy long at the moment because I am still getting a hold for this incarnation of AVO, but maybe in time my friend.

Goddamnit Bryson. >=(

Thankyou Bryson

Axel Van Osbourne wrote:

To clear up the drug induced hallucination it was from the drug the Doctor in part one gave Trey and I to knock us out so we would quit carrying on....I am getting into a wheelhouse with Axel and his off the cuff attitude...I can write how other people take him pretty well, but I am having issues writing how others carry themselves character wise, like Trey. I just made him an extension of AVO, but it felt weak to me. As far as length my promos will never be too crazy long at the moment because I am still getting a hold for this incarnation of AVO, but maybe in time my friend.

I dont think a short promo is bad, because its about content and not about length, what Im trying to get across is that your promos could stand to be a little more flushed out. It doesnt have to be super amazing 10 pages longer, but maybe try to describe things a little more, especially because you have such good dialogue with AVO.

Dunn: WAIT YOUR TURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!1 >:=

Damien: Sure thing.

Vendetta: Youre welcome ^_^