Catalyst Feedback Emporium

Requests for feedback from me should be made here and I will update in as timely a fashion as I am capable.


Leviticus: Really enjoyed this. The opener was as good a childhood sequence as I have seen around these parts so take pride in that. You have talent for certain but I don't know weather some of the moments in this piece were as impactful as you intended them to be. You do a very good job of using faith as a driving device for your character and I would say excel in it because you don't come off preachy. All in all a good effort. You have room to improve but I can see you going far.


Mike Cage:I have mixed feelings on this piece. Its not bad writing but its not jumping off the page at me either. It sort of felt like this was two separate promo ideas added together for the sake of adding some length and I think that will hurt you. What you really need to work on is giving the readers an incentive to care about your character in some way and I did not see it come through here. There are some good things here that you can build off of but overall I found it lackluster. Put this one away and just keep trying to improve. I can see that with the right idea you will get better.


Christian Moore: First thing is that I have to say I am not really a fan of the split personality gimmick. It has been tried numerous times before and it's just an incredibly difficult gimmick to pull off. All that being said, this promo wasn't horrible. The opening sequence was by far the best part of the promo but the way it let down kind of ruined the promo for me. Its the type of think that can be built off of solidly and I just didn't think you delivered here. The rundown of your opponents was fine I suppose but wasn't really a draw for me. In my experience what the raters here look for is for you to break down your opponents in a more creative, narrative driven fashion. All in all I would say it was a fair attempt but you have plenty of things to work on before you take the next step. I hope this helped. good luck.


Chris Austin: Wow. That was really good. My only concern would be that the second half seemed disjointed from the first. They were both fantastic pieces of writing but I am just not sure they fit together. The other thing is that your dialog seemed kind of wooden to me. It felt unnatural in parts but to your credit the message you tried to convey came across quite well. This was wonderfully original and you should do very well with it. Congrats on a job well done.

Shock: I think the biggest problem you will run into here was that your work just didn't seem long enough. What you have is quite good but to the point that I wanted more and was disappointed. I think that the maze sequence could have been fleshed out much more and maybe brought back around after the second scene and had some very nice impact depending on how you arranged the plot line. Either way I did enjoy this and keep working to get better.

Ripper: Dude I have to say that I love where you are taking this story. It's very interesting and I can't wait to read more. Just a few problems I have though. First, and a lot of the newer guys tend to do this so don't feel bad, for me you are using to much color. I can appreciate why you did it because I used to do the exact same thing but the difference in color kind of takes your concentration away from the story and more reminds you that you are reading something. It will not let you immerse yourself fully and its hard to get into a piece of writing that does that. The other issue is this was a bit short. Fleshing this idea out more here could have only helped you but I hope to see this story continue in weeks to come.

Axel: Well I started out liking this a lot. The humor is good but I think as it dragged on it made it unfunny and thusly it kind of dragged. As I said to Ripper above you. The use of so much color hurts your effort for the same reasons stated above. Also, as above, this seemed just way to short. I would have liked to have seen more. keep working on it. You will get there eventually.

Hannibal: I can honestly say that this is the best promo I have read in the few years I have been around these parts. I honestly can't say anything bad about it. If they were to make FMW into a movie I would want it to follow this script. Great job man.

Bryson: We talked about this when you were planning it and I loved the idea. I was very pleased with the execution. As I told you then, the only issue I could see was it being so damn long. But I really enjoyed it anyway. When you got to write something you got to write it. Good going man and good luck.

Seth: Very good job dude. Favorite part was the monologue after the first bit. I have had a lot of those same thoughts about right and wrong so it hit home in a way I wasn't expecting from a promo. The only issue I really have is that some of Marks lines seemed wooden. Really thats it. Good job again.

Harles: My man. Knowing this was the last thing you will write here makes me sad because you are just about my favorite guy to read. The scene you paint here is spectacular in the most horrible way. I love the idea that Harley is the biggest addict in this whole damn place. Not to the needle or anything like that but really just to this insatiable thirst he cannot quench and would not if he ever really had the choice. We are what we are Dr. Quint even if we hate it. Congrats on a wonderful closing to this epic character. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read your work.

Hit me up.

you have been fed

Thanks. I'll keep all that in mind.

If you wouldn't mind, I'd appreciate some feedback. It's a little different than what I usually write so any help would be great.

Christian Moore hath been fed back

Feedback, pl0x.

I, too, would apreciate some feedback. Please and Thank You.

i would enjoy your insights on my newest work

I can haz feedback?

Feedback is current up to Dr. Quint.

Thank you kindly. I actually have to say that I felt like it was just one of those things you were supposed to do. Like it's just an e-fed thing. I don't know. But again, thank you. I'll keep that in mind.

Believe me I did the same thing for the longest time. Its no big deal but its just one of those things were you see the writer develop because he doesn't need to make his text stand out with colors he lets the words themselves do it. Its a concentration/credibility type of thing. Some color is not a problem but splashing it is never good. You are closer to the right way of doing it then most new guys I have seen

I was pretty much thrown into this by a buddy of mine and I guess I just thought that colored speech was just the style. It was actually kind of restricting while I wrote. I feel a lot better now knowing it's a trend and not any kind of unspoken rule. Thank you again.

I heart you.

A lot.

Ripper wrote:

I was pretty much thrown into this by a buddy of mine and I guess I just thought that colored speech was just the style. It was actually kind of restricting while I wrote. I feel a lot better now knowing it's a trend and not any kind of unspoken rule. Thank you again.

I agree with ya that I thought it was like the accepted style....I have other ways to differ text between speakers but the one time I didn't use color I got knicked for it. Thanks for the props Marcus. I too thought it was short....In my opinion, it didn't drag all that much because it was brief but I will work on that too. I just can't find myself motivated to write 30 pages when I work full time and go to school.

Feedback: May I have some?

If you loved me Mike, I would've already received feedback from you.

Umm... can I haz sum too?