Subject: Feedback from Omega Sat Apr 10, 2010 1:07 pm
Alright boys and girls, I'm offering feedback to some folks. Some of which I owe feedback too, and I'm leaving 5 spots empty for request feedback, so if you want some then ask here and you'll get some. I'll be using a 10 point scale based on 5 points raters normally use to rate promos. Hopefully everything will come off smoothly and we can make this happen more often. Any questions? Good.
Harley: What I got out of this was you were trying to actually bring back your clown side, while at the same time bringing back HavOc for what I'd assume a face run. If that is the case then I must admit I am not excited at all. While you did a good job captivating something original, you also did a good job at confusing. First off, why is Katherine Hookton acting like your girlfriend when Charlie Hookton is right there? If you can explain that to me on AIM then I'll gladly listen.
Secondly, I don't think HavOc has been gone long enough for them to come back and be impactful, if that is what in fact you're trying to do. Besides those points, I thought the story was very much original and very well executed. I felt Harley was trying to do the right thing, and he was just going through darker means of doing the right thing. Nothing wrong with that in my book.
Finally, the layout was smooth and the story telling was spot on. However, your match relevance killed it. There wasn't one mention of Jaro, and you two have a history like England and America. While you may not be into the wrestling aspect of it, the wrestling is the key focus of a wrestling fed. If you make no mention to Jaro then it becomes less and less of a promo and more and more of a short story. Either way, good job on the front for what you did produce, maybe throw in something about the opponent next time.
Hannibal: God damn boy, you did an awesome job on this promo. I'll try to do my best to help you improve though. First off, the guns. Not everyone lives in a state where guns are as natural as trees and wildlife. I think you went in depth with the guns and it could of confused people who don't like guns that much. That being said, was explaining what each one did beneficial to the story at all? I think that you added details that weren't always needed to the story, things like the opening to running into the house with guns ablaze. While it introduced the new character (the Austin guy) I wasn't really for sure why you chose to do it that way? Maybe it is just me but if someone came into my house with a gun drawn I'd probably shoot them, that's almost what I was expecting when Hannibal and Nick did it.
Secondly, sex scenes in promos kill. Leon did it. RCA did it. I just don't see how adding the sex scene helped either. I thought Hannibal could of gotten hit with the candlestick holder just as easily while making out with her. And let's be honest, who has sex with women he just picked up in a bar not to long ago? Well...besides Jaro. That being said, the emotions between the two played off really well I just think things progressed too fast with the sexual contact.
Third, I wasn't really fond of the layout of the promo. The italics were alright but adding the dialogue inbetween got hard to read at times I might recommend bolding that next time. Other than that and the occasional spelling errors I felt overall the promo was a good showing by you. I think the one disadvantage you have in this is the fact that everyone and there mother has lately been doing things involving Vampires and Werewolves, I think people harbor that as unoriginal at times. As far as execution goes, well you hit the nail on the head little buddy.
Steele: Alright Steele, here we go. First off, I didn't get the whole skydiving, free falling, kamakaze kind of thing. It just seemed weird to talk about free falling and snapping back without so much as a warning. It could have very easily confused some readers, and possibly turned them off the the Steele character. That being said the rest of the story was an awesome story.
One of the things I really liked was the fact that you could literally feel the pain the Abel felt in all the things bad that happened to Abel. One thing I didn't like was the portrayal of the Saints. While a scuffle between Seth and Abel should of been a lot long with the Judo of Omega and the Boxing of Steele, that part didn't worry me. Drew's portrayal was something to be lacked, I mean he does normally do things to help other people but at the same time you see how offended he gets when his family comes into question. I don't think Drew would of joked about his cousin just getting a bloodied nose. Just a thought.
Finally, the layout. If one thing killed this promo it was the layout. Between the sudden breaks in between skydiving and real life, you also had a couple of spelling errors, some coding errors, and at one point you put Brian's name where Abel's should of been. It may make me sound like a nickpick, but the raters do indeed look at that kind of stuff. Also I didn't see much match relevance, while you mentioned Romeo and TyranT, and you mentioned the Gold Card you didn't mention RCA which overall was a very disappointing thing. That being said I enjoyed reading it, it was a bit long at times but it was never a boring read whatsoever. Work on the layout, match relevance, and the spelling and you'll be fine.
Drew: Ah, good ole Drew. Where do I start with you sir? First off your writing is good in execution and easy to read layout wise. I'm not going to lie to you though, I don't really buy into the whole religion/messiah/other stuff. I just don't buy into religious stories that much, especially when it comes to wrestling or in this case e-wrestling. Again, that is personal preference.
As far as bringing in Ethan Black. Well I didn't really understand that either. While you have explained to me the history you share with Black, a lot of other people weren't around during that time so they aren't aware of what you and Black had. In some eyes they might question the relevance that had to do with anything. And speaking of relevance, I really didn't catch much match relevance. I think I recall Crow being mentioned once or twice but not often.
I don't have a whole lot to say about your promo, you're Drew Michaels and there really isn't much to improve on. Outside of match relevance every other thing I can think of is just personal preference. However, I'm marking you down in layout for making me Orange. Fucking dick. <3
Mark: My favorite tag partner. Oh so much to say. First off, I didn't really feel the connection between you and Drew in this promo. To be brutally honest, there isn't much connection between the characters. While it made sense that Drew was there for you when you needed someone to talk, the dialogue didn't last very long between you two. If someone had woken me up in the middle of the night and asked for tea I'd of wanted more than 8-10 lines of conversation.
Second thing is, your flirting a very thin line between good and evil. Very thin. You're becoming a little more intense, one would have to assume because of your association with Omega and Drew. Intensity in Mark is good. However, let it be dully noted that normally when someone randomly shows up around an ex girlfriend just weeks after a bad break up, the reception is not that kind and you're considered a stalker. When you take a bat to one of their friends or colleagues cars then you're considered down right insane, which is kind of good for the morale of Mark considering he just lost his girlfriend. But bad on the terms of you're trying to be a wrestling face.
Third thing is, and I told you this. You're facing Nick Bryson. Not pander around sit down to piss Nick Bryson, but Former Ultraviolent and FMW Champion Nick Bryson. I don't think you unleashed your full potential on him in a manner that could of considered you a front runner for the UV Title Shot next, or consider you as possible for a tag title shot against Skyrice. The layout was a little sloppy, and the execution wasn't all there. Keep working on it, you'll get it eventually. For now it was a decent showing, but it could get better.
RCA: These promos are a lot better than your old promos in my mind. I think you got really close to Abel in this one, if you didn't beat him. That being said, the religious reference of Cain and Abel in your promo was really interesting. It wasn't a direct reference as many people haven't read the bible, nor do they know the story behind it. I thought it was an interesting tie in with the match relevance.
Secondly, I wasn't really that fond of the opening with Alex, who if I'm not mistaking was the girl you had the affair with. I think...I can't remember at the time. That being said, everything came full circle in the promo it was interesting enough of a read to keep my attention, but at the same time it wasn't pain stakingly boring like some other promos in the past. I think this new direction is perfect for you and I like heel Austin.
That being said, I think you should develop a darker side. I want to see you get evil with your shit. If you're doing the rapist thing you need to do it to the fullest. I want to see this new Austin turn into one sick son of a bitch, so sick that he can never turn face again. I want him to be Randy Orton heel, and if you can do that then Chris Austin might be FMW Champion in due time. I wasn't fond of the layout of it, but everything else made up for it.
Dragos: Again, not a lot to comment on here. Like your tag partner you had an awesome story, while I didn't like the dots and you had some coding errors the writing was otherwise solid. I would like to hear more about The Lord's past as it seems fairly interesting on how he got on the island and how he did certain things.
It was very original, you had good match relevance, but the layout, storytelling, and execution were some of the weaker points. I think you could of make it longer and it would of helped with your storytelling, this seemed really brief and kind of vague, but it was still a very solid outing by you. Not much writing there so I don't have that much to comment on. Keep up the hard work.
Moore: Not as much to comment here. Your story of a voice inside the head wasn't exactly original, but having it be your brother is something that could benefit you. I'll check that in a plus favor for the originality column. The story was easy to follow along with, and I think it set up the potential team well. I didn't really see the point of having the scene with you waking up but everything else fit just like pieces of a puzzle.
That being said, your layout is something that need working. Colored font after a while gets hard to read, so if the promos get longer you'll have to deal with that in time. Your match relevance was outstanding, the storytelling aspect of it wasn't as good, I'd like to see you dig deeper into the past and bring it out a bit. Overall though you're turning out to be quite the opening addition to the FMW roster. If you work hard on these things I see you cracking 8 very soon.
Kaoru Hanayama: Very solid effort here. Kind of sucks that Kelson didn't show up to make it an awesome match. I liked the Yakuza style angle that you use as it gives a new twist on an old classic. I've seen many Mafia style storylines done, but I'm not quite sure if I've ever seen a Yakuza type story. I liked the flow of the promo and the layout,
Secondly, I really think the match relevance was outstanding. I like how it was forced into the promo, it wasn't forced in a bad way, but it was for sure a good way to bring Kelson into the fold. Your execution was excellent, and truthfully I can't really see a downside. Your promo hit on all cylanders, and I'd even venture to guess it was one of the better promos this show. Great showing, and I really can't think of too many ways for you to improve, you might want to tone down on length a bit as it drug on which dropped your execution score a bit. But I think it was an excellent showing. Bravo.
PX: Let me start off by saying I'm digging heel PX more and more each day. That being said, this promo was probably was my least favorite of all the ones you have done. While the story was good, and it was an original promo your execution wasn't the best. You went outside the normal PX comfort zone, and I think it really cost you. People think of your shorter promos as something of your forte, and it is something that has gotten you some big wins recently.
Secondly, everything is there for you. I really thought you were tearing it up, I'd of like to of seen more mention of CXC but I can deal with what you were giving us. I think your layout once again was not that great, but only because it was so long and after a while it blended together. I can't think of too much else to say other than stay in your comfort zone, I think a lot of people were caught off guard by the long promo and I'm not sure it went over as well as you'd of liked. I don't mind it, but others might.
Dunnwood: Well Dunnwood I don't know where to start. This promo was original as hell, the layout was nice, and it hit all the points. The only downside to this is you hit a wall called Hannibal Fucking Frost. I truly think he was the clean cut winner, but you put through one hell of an effort. I really hope you keep up the good work due to how far it has gotten you. Maybe someday we will finally get that match eh? It do think this was a tad bit creepy, and that might of drove people away but I think you hung in there in a very tough match bravo mate.
Secondly, like I said the layout is good the and the story is original. Match relevance was there and the execution was good. I don't have much to say, I've been drained to go too much deeper so here is the scoreboard.
Subject: Re: Feedback from Omega Sun Apr 11, 2010 4:25 pm
stl311 wrote:
Your promo hit on all cylanders, and I'd even venture to guess it was one of the better promos this show. Great showing, and I really can't think of too many ways for you to improve, you might want to tone down on length a bit as it drug on which dropped your execution score a bit. But I think it was an excellent showing. Bravo.
Subject: Feedback from Omega 
Sat Apr 10, 2010 1:07 pm
