FMW presents Circus Maximus II Pre-Show - RESULTS

Edible: Welcome one and all, welcome to Circus Maximus! And tonight, I’m joined, for one night only, FMW’s own Technician.

Tech: It’s so cool to be back, let me tell you.

Edible: Just a year ago tonight you were battling with the likes of Bobino, Hatchet, Celt and Dunn to name a few names in the Elimination Tag match. Seems like most of those names have made something of themselves…

Tech: Dude, totally not cool. Just run through the card for tonight Eddie.

Edible: We’ve got a six man tag match involving six rookies from both brands. Two separate singles matches previewing the Alchemy rookies all ended with an Ultraviolent Rules Triple Threat match.

Tech: Then?

Edible: Then Circus Maximus! THEN MOUNT VESUVIUS!

Tech: … then you wet yourself?

Edible: The anticipation has already done that.

Tech: Wrestling weakened your bladder or something?

Edible: How mature.

Billy Idol’s “New Future Weapon” starts to blare across the P.A system and out walks the team of Daniel Able, Jack Eastwood and Auron Belmont. They stand shoulder to shoulder, walking down the ramp as one.

Tech: This is a good sign by the rookies, especially in a tag match you can’t let you ego’s get in the way, a team that stick together wins together.

Edible: Where do you get those sayings? Fortune cookies?

Cherry: Weighing in at 738 pounds its is the team of Daniel Able…

Slight cheer.

Cherry: … Jack Eastwood…

Cheers build louder.

Cherry: And Auron Belmont!

Crowd begins to go wild with excitement.

The three young stars have entered the ring, standing in the center of the ring they enter a conversation with one another. They do not flinch as Ted Nugent’s “Stranglehold” blares across the P.A as the team of Frank Dylan James, Jonah Saxon, and Scott Oliver Simmons step out behind the curtain. Quickly the young stars make their way down the ramp also moving as a unit.

Cherry: Introducing second, weighing in at 793 pounds it is the team of FRANK… DYLAN… JAMES! JOE-NAH SAXON! AND SCOTT… OLIVER… SIMMONS!

Edible: Thank god Cherry didn’t wait for separate responses to the name, I want this match to end!

Tech: Match hasn’t even started yet Eddy.

Edible: Bah, I cannot stand rookies!

Tech: We were rookies once.

Edible: Nah, I have always been a main event star.

Tech: Referee setting us up and we start with the two smallest wrestlers, Simmons and Able. Also note: Both technical wrestlers.

Edible: So much more easy to critique.

The two in the ring lock up, Able takes a knee and gets his arms around the waist of SOS. SOS counters by applying a rear arm lock. Able breaks free and the pair lock up once again.

Edible: How boring? This is what technical wrestling has come to?

Tech: SOS has turned around and tags in the biggest man Auron Saxon!

Edible: Biggest in the match against the smallest!

Tech: Able tries to get a tag in! Turned his back on Saxon!

Edible: Saxon hit’s a German Suplex releasing as he hit the mat! Able is in the wrong corner right now.

Saxon walks over to the opposition corner, straight up to Auron Belmont who he shoves off the ring apron. The referee runs over as Jack Eastwood tries to rip his head off. In the opposite corner both SOS and Frank Dylan James give stiff boots to both kidneys of Able.

Tech: Saxon knew his cheap shot will draw the ref away from Able -

Edible: - and his distraction was effective. Saxon laughs as he approaches the downed Able. Frankie James tags himself in.

Tech: The big man doesn’t know, he picks up the fallen Able! Ref is counting!

The referee gets to five as Saxon has Able on his shoulders about to hit a back body drop, as the referee yells at Saxon to get out of the ring. Able gets out of the move and hit’s a spinning heel kick on Frank James.

Tech: Referee gets order and Able gets out of trouble. Makes his way to his corner! James is up and after him!

Edible: Tag made to Auron! James as Able by the foot!

Auron in one move leaps onto the rope and springboards onto the prone James his elbow landing near the small of James’ back.

Tech: Auron has some moves on him! He just got the crowd on their feet !

Edible: These people are easily impressed, like a springboard move is anything. I nearly broke limbs in submission moves!

Tech: The people care little. Auron helps James to his feet, hit’s a kick! Caught by James! James throws the foot down and hit’s a massive clothesline!

Edible: James pins the arms down! Laying lefts and rights into Auron’s face. Auron defending hopelessly.

Auron puts up his hands and shoves off James. He jumps up bounces off the ropes, James hit’s the mat and Auron jumps over him, then hit’s a springboard moonsault connecting just as James gets to his feet. Both competitors are down.

Edible: Now Tech, as your name suggests you were also a technical wrestler.

Tech: Yes I was.

Edible: So tell me, why would you hit a move that takes you out as well as your opponent?

Tech: Aerial superstars learn to take those bumps, it also keeps their opponents on their toes -

Edible: Learn RHE-TOR-IC!

Tech: Both competitors edging closer and closer to their respective corners.

Edible: Paint drying is more exciting than this!

Tech: James hit’s a tag to S.O.S!

Edible: Auron tags in Jack Eastwood!

Both new competitors rush into the ring, S.O.S charges straight at Eastwood, who grabs him by the throat and delivers a choke slam.

Tech: Only a difference of forty five pounds by Eastwood just drastically converted Simmons momentum into power! Impressive wouldn’t you say?

Edible: Cover! 1... 2... KICKOUT! The match continues.

Tech: Eastwood not done! Picks up S.O.S. throws him into the ropes! Shoulder Takedown!

Edible: Eastwood picks up S.O.S. the irony of his name is seen clearly now. SIT OUT POWER BOMB!

Tech: B… Y… O… B!

Edible: Fortune cookies again?

Tech: That’s what Eastwood calls the move!

Cherry: And the winners by pinfall, the team is JACK EASTWOOD, AURON BELMONT AND DANIEL ABLE!

System of a Down’s “Mr Jack” blares across the PA system as the winning team celebrates in the ring. The losing team walks up the ramp save for Saxon who stands glaring right at Jack Eastwood.

Jack Eastwood, Daniel Abel, and Auron Belmont (7.45 - 0.1 penalty + 6.43 - 0.1 penalty + 0.0 aps + 2.3 avs = 15.98 total)
Stephan Meyer, Frank Dylan James, and S.O.S. (7.58 aps + 0.0 aps + 0.0 aps + 1.3 avs = 8.88 total)

Tech: Welcome back to the pre-show to the biggest Pay Per View of the year Circus Maximus!

Edible: Mount Vesuvius coming up, just warming up the crowd with our new talent, next match up, is two rookies looking to make their mark. Pearson verse Bolton.

Tech: Single one fall match! Winning by count out, pinfall or submission.

Edible: And disqualification.

“Still Alive” by Nightingale blares across the arena. Out walks PFC Pearson who walks straight to the ring, without looking left or right.

Tech: The man means business, no show boating no nothing, straight into the ring straight into this match!

Cherry: Introducing first! Weighing in at 220 pounds! HAILING FROM WAH-SHING-TON D.C! P… F… C… PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEARSOOOOOON!!!!

The crowd makes a slight roar, not sure on how to react to the rookie in his second match.

Edible: Woah, even I got a bigger pop than that and I’m a heel.

Tech: Give it time Eddie, give it time.

The music changes into “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen, and out steps Bolton with the most arrogant look on his face, as the music starts up, Bolton walks down to a chorus of boos, which are drowned out by the white fireworks the blast from the stage entrance.

Cherry: Introducing second, he is “Your Champion” weighing in at 230 pounds and hailing from, SYD-A-NEY, AUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTRAY-LIAAAAAAAAA, he is BOLTON!

Tech: Both men are in the ring! The bell is rung! We are underway!

Edible: Bolton walks up to Pearson, holds out his hand?

Tech: Well, good sportsmanship will do wonders for getting respect behind the curtain.

Edible: Winning does that too. You wouldn’t know that Tech.

Pearson looks at Bolton’s outstretched hand, then around at the crowd. The crowd are shouting not to do it. Pearson goes to shake it, but Bolton slaps him.

Tech: FILTHY!!

Edible: HAH! I like this guy now!

Pearson has a look of utter disgust on his face, where as Bolton has a wide smile on his. Pearson lunges at Bolton grabbing him and hit’s a massive spine buster.

Edible: Bolton bounces off the mat! Pearson not done! He jumps on Bolton and starts pummelling lefts and rights!

Tech: Bolton protecting his head! Tries to roll Pearson off!

Edible: I know it’s the pre show, but do matches have to finish in record time? If I bought this PPV I would be mega pissed off right now.

Tech: Who says mega pissed off?

Edible: I do! Bolton kicks Pearson off him, and gets up gingerly.

Tech: Pearson goes straight back at Bolton! Hit’s a chop! Another! Bolton chest is ruby red!

Edible: It actually isn’t, no one goes red after two chops! Pearson with an Irish whip into the turnbuckle!

Tech: Shoulder tackle! Bolton on his knees, gasping for air! Bolton is struggling to deal with this Brawler!

Bolton is on his knees in the corner, Pearson runs to the rope bounces off and goes for a boot to the face. As he lifts his leg Bolton falls back onto the ropes, making Pearson get his leg caught on the middle rope. Taking advantage of the position of both the referee and Pearson, Bolton hit’s a low blow.

Tech: Low Blow! Ref was blind to it!

Edible: See no evil!

Tech: Bolton isn’t going after the downed Pearson. I smell another cheap shot.

Edible: How is it cheap if it gets you a victory? Bolton waiting at the ropes! Pearson up! Turns around, SPRINGBOARD DDT!

Tech: Pearson is down! Bolton locks in a bow and arrow on Pearson! Stupid considering the position he is in…

Edible: Tech, it isn’t stupid! No submission ever is, locking them in for only a few seconds still does wonders in wearing an opponent down.

Tech: Pearson holding onto the ropes. Bolton refuses to break the hold, filthy!

Edible: Stop saying that! This extra four seconds of the hold can mean the difference between winning and losing.

Bolton breaks the hold after a four and a half count by the referee, he also begins to fight with the referee about the legitimacy of the count.

Tech: So Eddie it doesn’t matter how you get a pinfall as long as you get one?

Edible: Exactly!

Tech: That’s why you’re a heel. Bolton has dragged Pearson into the middle of the ring. Heads to the top rope. The man is actually showboating, posing like he owns the place.

Boo’s are ringing out, the ones closest to the ring post are shouting insults while leaning over the barrier.

Edible: Jaro is gone, never know this could be the twist of the year in FMW.

Tech: Your sarcasm is lame, Pearson is up, takes advantage of the “flashy” Bolton. Takes out a leg! Bolton hit’s the mat shoulder first!

Edible: And now, a bow and arrow locked in on Bolton.

Tech: Believe it or not, this is insulting, using a move previously applied to you, to hurt an opponent.

Edible: Not always a bad thing, Techie.

Tech: Bolton is starting to waver here! Pearson converts the submission into a curb stomp! Driving Bolton’s head into the canvas.

Bolton grabs his face in pain as Pearson stands over him with his fists clenched, Pearson leaps up high aiming for the throat of Bolton. Bolton moves out of the way, and out of the ring.

Tech: Ref starts a count, as Bolton takes a breather.

Edible: The rookie move, A K A the curb stomp, has taken a lot out of Bolton.

Tech: Pearson won’t stand for this no more and slides out of the ring to join Bolton. The crowd is trying to hit Bolton.

Edible: Better not go over to the barriers then.

As Pearson hops out of the ring Bolton dives back in and bounces off the adjacent ring rope.

Tech: SUICIDE DIVE! Bolton puts his body on the line driving both competitors into the barrier!

Edible: What did I JUST SAY!? Post Script: Pearson’s head smashed into the corner of the barrier.

Tech: Bolton took advantage of un eagerness on Pearson’s behalf.

Edible: Is that a word?

Tech: No it is not, Bolton rolls Pearson back into the ring, quickly following suit.

Edible: Our first pinfall attempt! 1... 2..- Shoulder up!

Tech: Again Bolton argues with the referee. If you don’t get a pinfall shut up about it and try again!

Edible: He is just clarifying with the referee, they are talking not arguing.

Tech: Talking like Italians then! Limbs flying everywhere!

Pearson hits Bolton in the back of the knee, once again bringing him to a knee, then hit’s a sitting cutter.

Edible: Shouldn’t say stuff like that you know, people take race really seriously.

Tech: You’re dressed like the Godfather!

Edible: Unrelated. Pearson controlling the high flyer now, bringing it back to my forte, mat wrestling. Applies an adominal stretch.

Tech: Weakening the ribs of a high flyer will make them lose impact on their flying moves. Making them less likely to take the risks required for a pinfall.

Bolton is trying to wiggle out, eventually getting one arm up and drags Pearson over his shoulder. [i]

Tech: desperation made that counter, dragging 220 pounds over a shoulder isn’t a comfortable task.

Edible: Both men are up. Bolton whips Pearson into the ropes and attempts a drop kick.

Tech: Pearson never bounced off the ropes grabbed on, the young fighter is learning the ropes.

Edible: Worst pun of the show. Bolton gets up gingerly.

Tech: Proving my point about wearing down the ribs. Lock up! Pearson hit’s an arm drag, Bolton goes straight back at Pearson. Closed fist punch to the jaw and Pearson goes down!

Edible: Like a sack of shit!

[i]The referee saw the closed fist punch and approaches Bolton, giving him a warning. Pearson shakes off the punch and gets straight back up. Pearson pushes the referee out of the way, grabs Bolton and hit’s a german suplex.

Edible: Pinfall attempt!

1...

2...

Kickout!

Edible: You need at least three of them to win a match!

Tech: Bolton is up, dodges a wayward clothesline from Pearson! SECOND ROPE! MOONSAULT!

Edible: Nobody home! Bolton lands on his feet! Pearson locks in a FULL NELSON!!

Tech: BOLTON HIGH IN THE AIR! HIT’S THE MAT! PRISON BREAK!

Edible: THE COVER!

1...

2...

3...

Tech: ITS OVER!

Cherry: The winner of this match! P…F… C…. PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEARSOOOOOON!!!

The crowd erupts in cheers.

Robert Pearson (7.73 aps + 3.3 avs = 11.03 total)
Bolton (7.03 aps + 0.7 avs = 7.73 total)

The scene goes to the back stage area where FMW's interviewer, Veronica is searching frantically.

Veronica: Has anybody seen Styxx? They sent me to get a word about the Pre-Show main event.

???: I'm in the main event.. I can give a couple words.

The camera turns a bit to see Butters standing there, looking sheepish as ever.

Veronica: Ha, ok. They sent me to get an interesting word about the main event, so we really shouldn't waste our time.

Butters: Yeah, I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to interview me, either.

A stage hand walks up and whispers something in Veronica's ear.

Veronica: Dammit. Alright Butters, they're putting me on the air in less than thirty seconds, you'll have to do. You ready?

Butters: I-I-I guess.

Veronica: Five, four, three, two, and... Hello there fans, this is Veronica and I'm here with one of the people in tonight's pre-show main event, Butters. Now, Butters, you're not exactly what people would call the Ultraviolent type, what have you been doing to prepare yourself for this war?

Butters stares blankly into the camera for a moment. Veronica's face grows more and more frustrated as Butters pauses for way too much time.

Butters: Uhh... I've been uh... Pure Extremist has been getting me uh.... you know... ready for what will come at me.

Veronica: Well said... anyways, there's a lot on the line in this match, as the winner gets a Television Tag Team Title shot with the partner of their choice. Have you thought about who you'd team with if you win?

Butters: I never plan too far ahead, and me planning on winning would be pretty useless... because come on... I'm Butters... I don't get title shots. So, I honestly haven't thought about it. I can't even think of anybody that would want to be my partner, anyways.

Veronica: Awww, now I'm sure you're being just a little harsh on yourself, you've been fairly impressive lately, you pinned a legend, Phantom Lord in a non-televised match at the last Pay-Per-View Pre-Show, so you can be nearly as bad as you think. Now, what do you really think your chances are tonight against Styxx and Adema?

Butters: Slim-to-none?

Veronica: Alright, that's all the time we have. Thank you Butters, and good luck tonight.

Butters: I'll need it...

Edible: There sure is some bad blood here.

Tech: Yeah, I caught Alchemy 7.1 last week, I saw Marky roll the Notorious B.U.G up and the BUG-Man’s manager sure wasn’t happy. Bob Busta’-nut.

Edible: How utterly low brow. You do know that’s not his name.

Tech: Dude, I can’t pronounce Baganush or whatever man. I’m here to call the show, that’s all.

Cherry: Introducing first, from Philadelphia, at 6’1” and 230lbs, MAAARKY MAAAARK!

James Brown’s The Payback explodes from the P.A to mixed reactions and jets of white pyro.

Tech: Here comes the Informer, or shall we call him the opportunist?

Edible: You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Tech: Not at all, B.U.G’s a big guy, and he took his chance; he had to.

Edible: Look, just because you saw 7.1 doesn’t make you an expert. Ever wonder why you lost your job in the first place?

Tech: Ouch dude. Ouch.

Cherry: And his opponent, at 6’10” and 350lbs, the Notorious B.U.G!

Tech: Boy, ain’t this kid huge?

Edible: Boy, ain’t this kid ugly?

Tech: But does it matter? With his size, he’s easily going to render most of Marky’s finishers impossible, or simple muscle his way out.

Edible: He’ll find a way, or he’ll fail. Simple as that.

Dust in the Wind by Kansas screams out as B.U.G emerges, adding to the noise himself.

B.U.G: I’M SO DAMN SEXY!

Edible: Who does he think he’s fooling?

Bob Babaganoosh steps from behind the curtain, shaking his head, however, his charge is already in the ring by the time the Pro-Wrestling hating Manager has begain his approach to the squared circle.

Tech: And I do believe we’re off with a good ol’ fashioned slug-a-thon.

Edible: How very crude.

Tech: But a kickass demo. of how the Bug can use his size to get momentum, Marky already in the corner and the ref is struggling to draw Buggy away from reigning down blows.

Edible: It still leaves me wanting more.

Tech: WOAH! How’s that for more? Big body splash from the Bug sandwiches Marky, boy looks like a pancake. ..! What the hell is he doing?

Edible: It appears like he’s groping himself. A man of that size should not take such pleasure in his, moobs, I believe the word on the street is.

Tech: All unpleasant, mental scar producing visuals aside, the bigger man is going for another of those running splashes, and OOOH.

Edible: Perfect, by the book drop toe hold causes the Bug to eat turnbuckle. It may even fix his face.

Tech: Not one of Marky’s usual moves there, but it worked.

Edible: As I said, adapt or die.

Tech: Well, the Bug’s abit dazed, looks like Mark’s going to try capitalize on this with a HUGE Neckbreaker. Almost a seven foot Neckbreaker, to be precise. And the cover.

ONE! T!

Edible: Too early. Marky Mark’s going to have to keep the heat on.

Tech: And that he does. Now B.U.G’s grounded, Marky can keep things familiar. Look at those heavy boots to the chest, it’s going to take you breath away.

Edible: And the Brute just shoves Marky away. Marky hits the rope as Bug gets up.

Tech: Clothesline by Marky, it doesn’t move B.U.G.

Edible: And again.

Tech: And again.

Edible: And agai, no. Not again.

Tech: Marky eats boot, and Bob whats-his-name is yelling orders to his dude.

Edible: B.U.G setting Marky up now, Pumphandle slam?

Tech: WITH ADDED PELVIC THRUST?!

Edible: Marky has just been violated.

Tech: And ejected! B.U.G easily throws his opponent over the top. Holy shit. How do you get up from just being thrown like a rag doll like that?

Edible: He’ll find a way.

Tech: I hope he does it soon, I can’t take much more of this graphic display.

As B.U.G continues to showboat, i.e, touch himself inappropriately in the ring, his manager works Marky over with a few sharp kicks outside the ring.

This, however, awakens Marky from the initial impact, and at the Ref’s count of five…

Tech: OH MY GOD! MARKY FOLDS BUSTA’NUT IN HALF WITH A CLOTHESLINE.

Edible: B.U.G’s not too pleased about this, he’s reaching through the second rope to try drag Marky back to the ring like some sort of Ghoul!

Tech: Marky breaks free of the big mans grasp though, springs of the ring steps and hangs B.U.G up to dry with a cutter!

Edible: Marky hitting the ring with a vengeance now, Bug’s gotta be short on breath and Marky is punishing him for the events of this match now, Irish whip.

Tech: Big boot on the rebound? That could take his head off!

Edible: No, Marky ducks it, and look at that Spinebuster!

Tech: That had to bust Marky’s spine just picking him up!

Edible: And the cover! Notice the use of the ropes for leverage?

Tech: I think we all see it, but still, only a two count. What is it going to take to put this man away?

Edible: I’m unaware.

Tech: B.U.G sitting up now, Lou Thez Press! And it’s Marky’s turn to tattoo his knuckles into B.U.G’s skull now!

Edible: After so many blows to the head, you know the Big Ugly Guy’s not seeing straight.

Tech: Marky settin’ up for a DDT now, this could well do it, Marky jumps to get a bit more momentum into it. Nu-uh. Denied. B.U.G spins Marky round in midair and drops a Piledriver. No way he’s kicking out from that.

ONE! TWO! TH!

Edible: Marky got to the ropes, but I don’t quite think he knows where he is.

Tech: He knows enough to sweep B.U.G’s legs from beneath him.

Edible: That could just well be instincts.

Tech: Marky setting up for his finisher, will B.U.G talk!?

Edible: He’s going to tap! I can feel it!

Tech: No, he’s not. B.U.G muscles out, as I said he would.

Edible: You can see the despair on Mark’s face.

Tech: At least that modified Sharpshooter had some affect, B.U.G’s legs look a little weak beneath him.

Edible: And a kick to the knee has him hobbling more.

Tech: Boy, don’t you ever learn? Clotheslines don’t take this man down?!

Edible: Apparently not, Marky’s going for another clothesline now. B.U.G anticipates, boot raised!

Tech: Baseball slide under. AND A SCHOOL BOY! SHADES OF REBIRTH HERE! MARKY HAS THE TIGHTS AGAIN!

ONE!

Edible: Haha!

Tech: Why do FMW refs not see shit?

TWO!

Edible: Why do talent less brutes like B.U.G have jobs?

Tech: Bob Buggaloo is getting up, and he’s pissed, he’s

THREE!
Cherry: And the winner, by pinfall, MARKY MARK!

Marky Mark (7.08 aps + 2.7 avs = 9.78 total)
The Notorious B.U.G. (7.15 aps + 1.2 avs = 8.35 total)

Edible: Adapt or Die, what did I say?

Tech: Not cool man, there’s taking what you need to get that win, but this match could have offered so much more. And in response to your prior comment, I personally feel B.U.G’s unorthodox style is quite interesting, and I for one feel a little cheated.

Edible: Bah, what do you know, Spot Monkey?

The camera opens with Victoria Cherrywood standing next FMW Superstar, Corky Angle.

Veronica Cherrywood: Hello everyone, I’m here with FMW Superstar, Corky Angle who hasn’t been seen since he lost a triple threat match to Andrew Shiner and Jack Hillman.
Corky Angle: What a great match that was!
Veronica Cherrywood: Really?
Corky Angle: Of course. How often can a guy of my stature say he was double-pinned by the more boring athlete and the biggest alcoholic in this company!
Veronica Cherrywood: I would think you’d be pretty disappointed with your debut in FMW!
Corky Angle: Disappointed? Yes. But let’s face it, everyone has an off night. I mean, how can I compete against that duo?
Corky Angle: By the two minute mark in the match I had a contact-drunk from Hillman. That definitely made me woozy.
Corky Angle: Then Shiner was talking during the entire match. I can’t even remember half of his boring insults, but let’s just say by the time the match was over, I was more than happy to get double-pinned, just to get out of that ring!
Veronica Cherrywood: That sounds awful!
Corky Angle: Oh Vanessa, it was terrible!
Veronica Cherrywood: Again with the name?
Corky Angle: You look more like a Jessica, but Vanessa is okay I guess.
Veronica Cherrywood: My name is...
Corky Angle: Vanessa was the name of the ugly girl on the Cosby Show. Did you ever see that?
Veronica Cherrywood: Not really.
Corky Angle: Well anyway, speaking of shows, I brought a tape.
Veronica Cherrywood: A tape?
Corky Angle: Yes. I was on the $100,000 Pyramid this week.
Veronica Cherrywood: Oh.
Corky Angle: So, let’s roll it!

The camera cuts to a taped segment from the set of the $100,000 Pyramid.

Corky Angle in sitting in a chair with his back to the playing board.

The contestant is facing the Pyramid.

Dick Clark is the host.

Dick Clark: Well Corky, you and Celina Reyes have already done very well to reach this far but if you manage to clear the Pyramid in the next 60 seconds... Celina you will be going home with $100,000!
Celina Reyes: Ooohhhh...
Dick Clark: Corky, Celina will receive clues from the Pyramid, it will be your job to try and guess all the clues in 90 seconds, Celina be careful not to use any words in the clue or you will not receive credit for it.
Dick Clark: Does everybody understand the rules?
Corky Angle: I'm ready, Dick!
Dick Clark: Celina are you ready?
Celina Reyes: I'm ready, Dick.
Dick Clark: Alright then begin... now!

The first clue on the Pyramid turns.

Celina Reyes: Uh... uh... Sarah Jessica Parker... uh.. Rosie O’Donnell...
Corky Angle: People who suck, Dick?

Dick Clark: Uh... that's right! Onto the next one!

The second clue on the Pyramid turns.

Celina Reyes: Uh... something a masseuse would do... how you would pet a cat...
Corky Angle: ...
Celina Reyes: How you would be massaged... something to do with golf...
Corky Angle: Ways to stroke, Dick?

Dick Clark: Uh... ok onto the next one.

The third clue on the Pyramid turns.

Celina Reyes: Ok.. ok.. Cable... AOL... a car...
Corky Angle: ..Um.. Things you can do without, Dick?

Dick Clark: Um.. yes Corky. Next category!

The fourth clue on the Pyramid turns.

Celina Reyes: Umm... bad... miserable... awful...
Corky Angle: The type of clues you give?
Celina Reyes: Uh... happy.. sad... depressed..
Corky Angle: .....
Celina Reyes: Umm.... excited..
Corky Angle: Ways you feel, Dick?

Dick Clark: Right! Next one...

Corky Angle: What am I getting for this now?

Dick Clark: You will have the satisfaction of helping Celina go home with $100,000!

The fifth clue on the Pyramid turns.

Celina Reyes: Okay... bananas... cucumbers... carrots.....
Corky Angle: Wait a minute woman... what do you mean, Dick? I don't get any of the money?

Dick Clark: No Corky... you are the celebrity!

Corky Angle: Which is why I should get the money!

Dick Clark: Time is running out Corky!

Celina Reyes: Your finger... your tongue...
Corky Angle: Didn't I say shut up?
Corky Angle: Dick... really... the honor of being here with a Special Olympic gold medalist should be enough!
Celina Reyes: Please Corky... we're almost out of time!
Corky Angle: How much money have I won so far?

Dick Clark: You have earned Celina $25,000.

Corky Angle: Well, if I'm not getting any of that money... then I think that's more than enough for her to buy her crack baby some formula!

A buzzer signals the end of time.

Dick Clark: That is the end of time.

Celina is in tears.

Dick Clark: I'm sorry, but you have NOT won the $100,000.

Corky Angle: You're damn right she hasn't! What do I look like? I am not the Welfare Department! I don't make money for people... I make it for myself like a normal American! My work here is done!

Corky Angle walks off the set.

Dick Clark: Uh.. well folks, we'll see you next time on the All-New $100,000 Pyramid!

Celina Reyes is still crying as the footage ends.

Veronica Cherrywood: Well that wasn’t very nice.
Corky Angle: Yeah, no kidding! Can you believe they expected me to show up for free?

Veronica rolls her eyes.

Corky Angle: I mean I’m a Special Olympic gold medalist! I’ve won World titles, huge tournaments, I am definitely worth more than FREE!
Veronica Cherrywood: I’m sure you are, Corky.
Corky Angle: Well, anyway... I’m ready for my next opponent here in FMW!
Veronica Cherrywood: Any word on who that might be?
Corky Angle: No. They haven’t told me yet, but I’ll tell you... I hope it isn’t that alcoholic again.
Veronica Cherrywood: Well Corky, I’m sure your fans will keep a close eye on you, and your journey here in FMW!
Corky Angle: Thank you Vanessa!
Veronica Cherrywood: Dammit, Corky!
Corky Angle: What?
Veronica Cherrywood: Well, there you have it. That’s it from here! Corky, all the best for Seven point three.

The camera fades.

Tech: Well for our main event to what has been an outstanding appetizer to Circus Maximus, we have a Triple Threat match about to be contested under Ultraviolent rules, and the winner gains a FMW Television Tag Team Championship match with a partner of their choosing.

Edible: What is it with FMW always having me call Ultraviolent matches, I specifically asked for a non-Ultraviolent match calling clause in my contract!!

Tech: Hopefully, this one opens your eyes!

EVERYONE KNOWS IT’S BUTTERS

THAT’S ME!

“This is the New Shit” by Marylin Manson starts up to a decent pop. Bobino comes out, very focused and slapping hands with a few fans. He cringes as a few start a “Butters” chant, but he continues to smile as the chant is done in support.

Cherry: The following contest is a triple-threat Ultraviolent match, scheduled for one fall where the winner will be awarded a future TV Tag Title match! Introducing the first competitor; from Boston, Massachusetts; weighing in at 251 pounds… BOBINO!

Tech: And we start things off tonight with Bobino, who’s looking to turn around his career tonight with a big win. But, he’s obviously at a disadvantage with his opponents being very well versed in an environment like this. And I gotta say, it’s uncool that management added that South Park sound byte to his intro.

Edible: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I hope Butters wins this. He’s the only one with some understanding of what a good wrestler is with his Technical style.

Tech: Imagine the irony of Bobino being a good wrestler by some standards. But, I think he’s very serious about his new goal. A win tonight would put him in the right direction, giving him momentum for a possible TV Tag title shot as well as the Hayabusa Cup Tourney he entered.

Edible: Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves now.

Announcer: Now, the second competitior, weighing 290 pounds from Wodonga, Austraila….STYXX!

“Are You Dead Yet” by Children of Bodom hits, and Styxx, wearing a hockey mask and trenchcoat comes out to mostly boos and some cheers. As he gets to ringside, Adema Aeries explodes from the crowd, blindsiding Styxx with a clubbing blow as the bell rings.

Tech: And we’re off! Aeries trying to gain the advantage, but Styxx stops him with a big foot to the face!

Edible: Butters is standing back, letting the two giant oafs go at it, I am liking his strategy so far! Styxx now has the steel steps, and that shot to Aeries’ face was uncalled for!! Why to these bloodthirsty animals cheer this crap?

Tech: Aeries is already busted open! Styxx has Aeries in his arms now, looking to ram him into the steel post….

Bobino, seeing his opportunity, bounces off the ropes and dives through the other ropes, taking down both Aeries and Styxx! The crowd cheers as Bobino urges them on by waving his hands in the air.

Edible: Butters picks his spot and takes both of them down! Great ring generalship if I say so myself.

Tech: Bobino has Aeries up now, and a bodyslam onto the steps shakes the ringside area! But Styxx is back up, and he’s coming for Bobino, and down goes Bobino with a Northern Lariat!

Edible: And now that unrefined behemoth is littering the ring with chairs, kendo sticks, trash cans, and a table. That man should be fired!

Tech: I dare you to tell him that to his face.

As Edible quickly pipes down, the crowd groans as Styxx hiptosses Bobino into the fan barrier. He then rolls Aeries into the ring, and charges him only to be powerslammed onto a Garbage can. Aeries quickly goes for a pin.

Tech: Aeries covers….1, 2-kickout! I don’t think the War god goes that quickly!

Edible: Get back in there Butters, show them what wrestling really is!

Tech: Bobino is sliding back in now, and quickly takes out a kneeling Aeries with a low dropkick! Bobino now tossing Styxx out of the ring!

Edible: Bobino now using a chair to work on Aeries’ back. That’s the only way to deal with idiots like Adema. Bobino has him now, and a textbook Belly-to-back suplex on the chair! Ouch!

Bobino goes for a cover, only for Styxx to break it up with a Kendo stick to Bobino. Bobino slowly rises, and is turned inside out by Styxx thanks to a Lariat using the stick!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Tech: Bobino rolls outside the ring and looks to be knocked out! Aeries trying to go back on the offensive, driving Styxx back to the ropes with punches and knees. Irish Whip now, reversed by Styxx, and Styxx has lifted Aeries up in a Gorilla Press!!

Edible: I’ll admit, that is impressive strength.

Tech: Styxx has him near that crushed trash can, and he TRANSITIONS INTO A SPINEBUSTER ONTO THE CAN!!! Aeries has to be out!

Edible: That should be the end of this fiasco!

Tech: Cover 1, 2, 3-no!!! Bobino yanks Styxx off by the leg, and now he has an Stepover Toehold Sleeper locked in, and a chain around the neck for good measure!!

Edible: Where did he get that chain from?

Tech: I’d guess under the ring, you can find anything under there. Styxx is stretching, scrambling for the ropes, but Bobino has that hold cinched in!

Edible: Tap Styxx, for my and only my sake!

Tech: Styxx reaches the ropes, but Bobino doesn’t have to break the hold! Aeries with a legdrop to the back of Bobino’s head, breaking up the hold. Aeries lifts up Bobino, but Bobino quickly counters with a release Belly-to-Belly suplex!

Edible: Yes, Bobino, by the book as it should be, the crowd is actually appreciating what he’s doing, and I love it!

Tech: Shouldn’t you be going for the rule breakers, like Styxx and Aeries?

Edible: No. They are below me, well everyone is but they are way down on the ladder.

Bobino bulldogs Styxx down, and places Aeries in a Tree of Woe. He grabs a chair, and yells to the crowd “I’m doing this for you!!!!”. The crowd cheers him on as he makes a surfer’s hand signal, takes off toward Aeries and dropkicks the chair into his face!

Tech: Surf’s up for Aeries!! Bobino is really feeling it now!

Edible: But Styxx is up, and completely flattens Butters with a chokeslam! Look at him, now trying to pick the bones of Aeries who’s pretty much out of it. Despicable.

Technican: Get that bank roll out of your ass man, you’re bring down my enjoyment of the match with your commentary. I suggest you fix it!

Edible: No! I am free to express my opinions! And how dare you insult me?

Tech: Because I can! Styxx going for a pin now, 1, 2, Aeries barely beats the count from the ref! And Styxx is none to happy!

Edible: What is Bobino doing, he seems to be setting up that table for something!

Tech: That’s gotta be for a sick spot, Bobino is a thinking man’s wrestler, you know. Aeries sneaks up behind Styxx, and he’s looking for the WG Slam, but Styxx elbows out of it before Aeries can lift him. Styxx now has him up, and a standing Falcon Arrow from the temperamental Aussie!

Edible: You know, I’ve noticed that even though Aeries is a pronounced Hardcore ‘specialist’, he hasn’t really gotten out of the blocks even though he started off the action.

Tech: Bad karma, maybe?

Edible: Who knows, but Styxx is looking for more punishment, and Aeries finally gets a move in with a Death Valley Driver! He goes for a cover but only gets 2.

Tech: Aeries has a chair now, and he nails Styxx in the gut with it! Now a shot across the back floors Styxx! But Bobino is back, and he chop blocks Aries down!

Edible: The Darwinist has really wrestled a smart match here, kudos to him.

Tech: Here comes Styxx now, and he has a light tube! He swings, and Bobino evades, and Aeries goes out like a light!!!

Edible: Styxx doesn’t even care, he takes down Bobino with a Sidewalk slam. He has the advantage now and I do not like it!

Tech: Styxx kicks a chair in place, he’s setting Adema up for the Terror Cutter, and he hits it! TERROR CUTTER on that chair!

Edible: But Butters yanks off Styxx, and floors him with a Lifting DDT on that mangled trash can!

Tech: But Bobino isn’t done, he now has Aeries on his shoulders, he’s going towards that table, and UN-NATURAL SELECTION!!!! THAT FIRE-THUNDER DRIVER CRASHES ARIES THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!

Edible: Cover!

Referee and Crowd: ONE! TWO! THREE!

Tech: It’s over, Bobino wins! Bobino wins!!!

Cherry: Here is your winner by pinfall…..BOBINO!!!!

Butters (7.48 aps + 3.0 avs = 10.48 total)
Styxx (7.0 aps + 1.1 avs = 8.1 total)
Adema Aeries (0.0 aps + 0.0 avs = 0.0 total

The crowd cheers as Bobino quickly snatches up and rolls out of the ring as Styxx stirs. Bobino hugs a few fans, celebrating as the ref goes outside to the entranceway and raises his hand, bring more surprise to his face.

Edible: It’s finally over, and Butters has a title shot as a result! I wonder who his partner will be?

Tech: We’ll have to wait and see, but what an entertaining end to a great pre-show!! Now we give way to FMW Circus Maximus!

Edible: If you cheapskates haven’t ordered it yet, pony up the dough already!!! It is, how the young generation says it, “Mount Motherfucking Vesuvius”!

Tech: I couldn’t agree more Edible, and that’s a surprise!

Edible: They all come around eventually!

Tech: For my colleague Edible, I’m the Technician, signing off!! Time for us to kick back and enjoy Circus Maximus! Good night from the pre-show!