Ask Dunnwood

Dear Mr. "Dunnwood",

As the head editor of the unofficial news and fan site of FMW, fmwfans.com, I do, in fact, have a question for you.

Why does a man (men? schizo?) such as yourself feel the need to be validated by such a thing as petty as an open forum for questions? Surely a man such as yourself should understand that all relevancy was lost once Anxiety was folded, or in Eastwood's case, never.

Or course, I realize the irony in asking a question, thus contradicting my point, but the masses would like to know.

Sincerely,
P. Dophile
Head Editor for fmwfans.com

Dear Mr. Porn Star Name

Why is it that no matter what federation I join, the Dunns suck?

Sincerely,
Eric Ares

Dear Mr. "Dunnwood",

In pointing out my contradiction, which was already laid out before you, you avoided two things.

A, why you feel you need an open forum.

and B, why you were relevant, Dunn.

And congratulations on your Undisputed Tag Title win. Would you be so kind as to remind me who you defeated to gain that crown, and how many successful defenses you had before losing them to Skyler Striker and his lackey?

Sincerely,
P. Dophile
Head Editor for fmwfans.com

So he's the retard, you're the schizophrenic?

Thanks for answering my question about the Dunns.

It's genetic for them to suck.

Dear Mr Dunwood,

Yesterday was the greatest day of my life. I finally made the junior wrestling team after being knocked back all of last year. Now that I am in I really want to impress Coach and prove that I can contribute to the team winning.

I know there is not a man on the FMW roster who could provide better advice to someone in my position. So could you please answer a technical question for me....

Should I use fabric softener or starch on the towels when I wash them in between events????

Your number 1 fan
Petey the towel boy

Easty wrote:

I wouldn't necessarily diagnose Eastwood with schizophrenia. Schizophrenics tend to not have an awareness of their split personalities.

In any case, I for one am fully aware I'm not schizophrenic. I don't hear Eastwood's voice in my head, it's the other way around.

Yes, because BEING the voice in someones head makes all the difference.

Genetically suck and stupid. You really don't need to reply anymore Mr. Multiple Personality Disorder, you already answered my questions as to why the Dunns suck more than I needed.

Any place, any time....

Wait.

Any place not in my home, not when I'm busy.

I mean seriously, it sounds less bad ass. But really, if you were getting laid would you want an easily diagnosable crazy breaking into your home?

I think not.

But really, make it happen if you want. I mean anyone who needs to work UNDER a Dunn cannot be much of a threat anymore. Don't get me wrong, Eastwood had his day and all, but if watching Anxiety or being at VCW has taught me one thing, all things go wrong and fail when when a Dunn is involved.

Meh, sleeping with mothers is passe.

And mines dead, adopted ones dead, so have fun with that?

Also, I do have one more question.

Did the testicles Eastwood grew as part of Havoc just fall of naturally, or did you take them when you made him your bitch?

Ah you Dunns and your disgusting fetishes, always good for a laugh.

And yes, at least back then as Harlequins bitch he was allowed, and dare I say it encouraged to talk and act for himself. Now it seems like the only time he can talk is when your not busy using his mouth as a cock puppet.

Dear Dunnwood,

I'm interested in being someone's bitch...Is there an application process or is it more like a slave collaring? All the FMW folks said you would know....

Sincerely Yours,
Eric Ares

Axel_Van_Osbourne wrote:

Dear Dunnwood,

I'm interested in being someone's bitch...Is there an application process or is it more like a slave collaring? All the FMW folks said you would know....

Sincerely Yours,
Eric Ares

This is the best you can do?

Sign my name at the bottom of your own comments?

Fucking sad little man.

Go back to grade three where this is still funny.

Dear Jack Eastwood

Did you ever find your missing tooth from the Hayabusa Cup?

The Ares wrote:

Axel_Van_Osbourne wrote:

Dear Dunnwood,

I'm interested in being someone's bitch...Is there an application process or is it more like a slave collaring? All the FMW folks said you would know....

Sincerely Yours,
Eric Ares

This is the best you can do?

Sign my name at the bottom of your own comments?

Fucking sad little man.

Go back to grade three where this is still funny.

Everyone else was doing it -- And yes I would jump off a bridge if everyone else was doing it ...its rather fun....And as for newbie fuckery is that another name for an orgy cause if so I'm down!!!

Dear Mr Dunnwood,

I would never laugh at your hijinks sir. I had them two years ago, just be fore my thrity first birthday party. It wasn't all bad though, for two weeks my Mommy had to give me sponge baths daily in kerosene just to get the critters to die. Maybe you should ask your Mom or that Jaro if they will give you sponge baths. I would offer to do it myself but I have a lot of towels to wash.

Which brings me to your advice. I really would like to try it but as I have never vanquished anything in my life I am in a bit of a pickle. How do you get around it? Did you use your tears of shame instead after losing at Death Row?

Your number 1 fan
Petey the towel boy

Abel Steele makes his way into the FMW locker room carrying his duffle bag containing his ring attire and persoanl effects. He dumps it down beside his locker and begins spining the combination lock on the door

The fuck is that smell??

Abel swings open the door to his locker only to be greeted by a giant steaming turd.

Damn, that is literally the most fucked up shit I ever saw. Did FMW just sign sasquatch to a contract??

The turd has random sticks and pieces of bark jutting out from within its disturbing form. Hair is matted into it numerous places and several pieces of lego a strewn through its sloppy exterior. The "cherry" on top is what appears to be a pair of half digested walnuts still in their shells.

Are they walnuts or did this thing swallow a pair of testicles whole? Fuck me I'm gonna be sick.

Abel holds back his nausea as he scans the room for somewhere to dispose of this monstosity in his locker. From across the room he notices that one of the superstars has left their locker open.
Abel grabs a wrestling boot and a toothbrush from the locker and rushes back to the scene fo the crime.

Why is there always corn.....

Abel smiles to himself as he scrapes the turd into the boot with the toothbrush and then places them both back inside their owner's locker room.

Fuck me I can't even be in this room it stinks like.... well shit! Damn I think some of it touched me...

Abel locks up his locker and grabs up his duffle bag on his way out of the room. Before leaving he walks over and slams the door of the open locker to the reveal the name embossed into the steel door....

*** Eric Scorpio ***