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 Edible Feedback: Feedback you can taste!

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Posts : 1078
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Join date : 2010-02-20
Age : 29
Location : California

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FMW Superstar: RAMPAGE!

PostSubject: Re: Edible Feedback: Feedback you can taste!   Tue Apr 26, 2011 10:59 pm

Nah. It's cool, bruh. I really do appreciate the feedback.
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MASS Caesar

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Location : Allen, Texas, USA

PostSubject: Re: Edible Feedback: Feedback you can taste!   Wed Apr 27, 2011 12:46 am

Thank you for the feedback, Ed. For some of the things you pointed out.

-Grammar stuff. I should be better about that. Serves me right for rushing

-Characters. Caesar is over the top. To say the least. As you saw in the Bio, he is possessed. I would have to go all the way back to the origins of Caesar to do the retelling justice. As for the side characters, Mercury is the straight man/Caesar's servant, guardian, etc. He is also the Roman Messenger god, sent by Mars, God of War, to keep an eye on Caesar. Judas De Dios was a character I used in VCW that, when I returned to FMW in early 2010, I brought him in to try to show a goodness that hopefully would rub off on Caesar (not bloody likely) and add a different dynamic to the Caesar/Mercury dimension, since they have been together since Caesar debuted in early 2008.

-As for story arch or whatever, I am right now trying to reestablish the character and build a potential story arch. It should flesh out over the next couple of months I believe. I wish there was more I could have done than "Caesar with violence, goes to town, more violence and match" but I rushed and procrastinated. Very Happy

Again, thank you for taking the time and if we "vets" can't take constructive criticism to improve, we should pack up. Very Happy
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Full Metal Champion
Full Metal Champion

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FMW Superstar: Chris Austin
Championship: FMW C-4 Champion, FMW World Tag Team Champion

PostSubject: Re: Edible Feedback: Feedback you can taste!   Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:31 am

Yeah, that's just the way the narration came out. It was my first go around with this sort of style really, and I'm used to third person narration. I hope to have most of the kinks out by NHB.

Thanks again for the feedback sir.
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Age : 30
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FMW Superstar: Seth Omega
Championship: Abandoned Championship

PostSubject: Re: Edible Feedback: Feedback you can taste!   Wed Apr 27, 2011 3:54 am

Edible's right about the Omega lines, felt very forced to me.

It's very rare for Omega to talk without using cuss words, and he didn't really like Jip Thorton so for him to show any compassion for him would also be very rare.
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