Full Metal Wrestling
 
HomeRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 De's 11.3 Feedback

Go down 
AuthorMessage
iDeAndes



Posts : 1078
Rep : -13
Join date : 2010-02-20
Age : 28
Location : California

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: RAMPAGE!
Championship:

PostSubject: De's 11.3 Feedback   Tue Jul 20, 2010 4:59 pm

If you build it, they will come

First and foremost before anyone requests, I have a problem with almost everyone who has posted a promo thus far based on formatting alone.

STOP USING SO MANY DAMN COLORS.

Reading these promos feels like I'm trapped in a perpetual Skittles advertisement. Or I'm stuck on an acid trip. Regardless, the use of color is very important to a promo. It sets the mood and does what words alone cannot. Using shitloads of color does not attract people to your promo. It does the exact opposite, makes it hard to read, and makes you look like a nub.

Sometimes, a lack of color goes a long way.

It feels like I have to say this every time I've come back. And if you don't believe this time, trust when I say you get marked down for having too many and clashing colors in a promo.

Aesthetics are key to getting over. Keep that in mind when you are formatting.


Last edited by iDeAndes on Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Kaoru

avatar

Posts : 508
Rep : 0
Join date : 2009-12-12

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Kaoru Hanayama
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: De's 11.3 Feedback   Tue Jul 20, 2010 5:07 pm

I'm guessing you mean 11.3...
Back to top Go down
RCA
Full Metal Champion
Full Metal Champion


Posts : 3158
Rep : 6
Join date : 2009-12-05
Age : 30

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Chris Austin
Championship: FMW C-4 Champion, FMW World Tag Team Champion

PostSubject: Re: De's 11.3 Feedback   Tue Jul 20, 2010 6:38 pm

I'll bite.

Lay your special brand of critique on me.
Back to top Go down
Edible14
Head Writer
Head Writer
avatar

Posts : 717
Rep : 6
Join date : 2009-12-06
Age : 29
Location : Bowling Green, OH

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Apostasy
Championship: Abandoned Championship

PostSubject: Re: De's 11.3 Feedback   Tue Jul 20, 2010 7:43 pm

Clarification:

When you say "too many colors", is my promo style also included there? I just use different colors to specify different people, but I don't colorize their actual speech... just their names.
Back to top Go down
iDeAndes



Posts : 1078
Rep : -13
Join date : 2010-02-20
Age : 28
Location : California

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: RAMPAGE!
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: De's 11.3 Feedback   Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:36 pm

I'll give you an explicit example that stands out in memory:

ppdragos wrote:
Our scene opens on a door as it slams shut hard enough to shake the pictures on the wall nearby. As the camera turns it is revealed that we are inside the hall of the home of Cole Dragos and his family. Suddenly the view is obscured as a pair of figures pass in front of the camera which follows them to find the familiar forms of the Blake twins Vampire Molly and Katlin, sister in law and wife of Dragos respectively. Moving closer to the pair as they stand by a large window the clear night sky can be seen the mic is able to pick up on their conversation.

Molly: Pissed ain’t he?

Katlin: No he’s a ray of sunshine!! Of course he’s pissed, did you see that match?

Molly: Yeah, loosing like that’ll frustrate just about anyone.

Katlin: This isn’t frustrated, I’ve seen Cole frustrated, hell he was frustrated when I first met him!

FLASHBACK!

A teenaged Cole Dragos is seen hunched over a desk in what is clearly an old library surrounded by stacks of haphazardly piled books and old scrolls of parchment as he devours another parchment.

Cole: Oh come on! There has to be something here this is the last scroll! . . . . . . . . GOD DAMN IT!!!!

On one of the desks behind him a tall decorative candle suddenly bursts into flame and burns down at a rapid pace making the girl sat there jump up in alarm.

Girl: Whoa!! What the hell?

Turning at the sound of the exclamation Cole stands to leave but as he passes the girl (whom we can now see is Katlin Blake) he puts out the still large flame as she tries to quickly move her books away from it.

Cole: Sorry about that. Guess I’m a little wound up.

Katlin: Just how could this be your fault? You were at least six feet away not to mention you had your back turned to me AND your head in books.

Sighing Cole points back at the pile on his table.

Cole: If I knew that I wouldn’t be here!

Looking at all the books on biology , evolution and genetic irregularities Katlin smirks while raising a single eyebrow.

Katlin: If you think you’re going to find any answers in ‘those’ books I think you’ll be disappointed. If you ask me I’d say you should try looking elsewhere.

So saying she shows him a black book off the top of her pile of books off her table, the title clear in silver. . .

‘LEGENDS OF MYTH AND MAGIC’ below which is a clear pentagram.


END FLASHBACK

Molly: Yeah but you were wrong weren’t you?

Katlin: Well kinda, but come on how was I to know it was both myth AND genetics!

Looking back out of the window Molly seemed to shake her head to get back on subject.

Molly: So what do you think he’ll do this time then?

Katlin: To be honest I’m not sure. I’ve only seen him like this a couple of times before. Do you remember what he did to the he/she in the old company?

Molly: You mean when he. . . .

Katlin: Used his Cat o ‘barbed’ tails? Yeah!

A sick smirk twists across Molly’s face thinks back.

Molly: Oh yeah I remember that. He basically shredded the flesh off the freaks back before dropping IT with the ‘Flight Of Icarus’ through a table outside the ring. How IT survived to make it to the hospital I’ll never know, actually. It kinda reminded me of something I’d do!

Katlin: Yeah wel. . . . .

Their conversation is interrupted suddenly as a crash of thunder rumbles nearby so loudly that is shatters the window.

Katlin: Unfortunately THAT’S what happened the last time I saw him like this!

Seeing the look of confusion on her sisters face she elaborates.

Katlin: Molly, look up and think back to the night and morning after Cole was robbed of his last title belt.

Looking out of the window at the now cloud covered sky Molly watches as lightening flashes across the dark clouds and Molly has only two words to describe it.

Molly: Oh fuck!!!

FLASHBACK

About seven AM Molly turns on the TV to watch the news and catch any reports about last night PPV when the BBC main headline catches her attention.

BBC Anchor: Extreme weather conditions last caused hundreds to flee their homes as gale force winds hit London, on the scene is reporter David Shukman.

DS: Thank you Louise. The storms that hit London last night have left scientists baffled as they hit without warning leaving extensive damage in their wake.

The image changes to show pictures of well known land marks around the city taken from above by helicopter.

DS: As you can see by these images taken earlier today by our news helicopter the damage is spread across the entire capital effecting some of our most well known land marks. The damage to Westminster clock tower is still to be truly determined though Big Ben has not chimed all day today.

On the screen we see a war ship being towed up the river by a number of tugs.

DS: The HMS Belfast military museum broke it's permanent moorings in the extreme swells on the river last night and is still being returned to its rightful place by tower bridge by a team of naval tugs. Some of the worst damage we've seen though was further up the river Thames in Greenwich where the Now world renowned O2 arena was hit by winds in excess of 80 MPH tearing huge sections of the roof away from the building dropping them into the nearby river.

Surprisingly the only places that don't appear to have suffered any damage are the various royal residences for example the Tower of London and Buckingham Palace are both perfectly intact where as Tower Bridge which stands besides the ancient tower prison has had it's mechanisms so strained that the bridge is jammed in the open position causing massive congestion throughout the city. David Shukman, BBC South East, Thameside.


Louise: Similar scenes have also been reported across the pond in the U.S.

Behind her on a large screen some footage is shown with the caption ‘courtesy of CNN’

Reporter: The excessive rains of last night have hit local residents and businesses here in Kokomo with severe flooding as the local sewer system was unable to handle the deluge and the waters flooded many of the local buildings.

At this time the estimates for the damage are still coming in but at least some of the local company's have admitted the extent of the damage. The nearby Coca Cola bottling plant have been forced to cease operations today while their cellars are dried out in accordance the health officials visits, also local employer Total Championship Wrestling have announced that their world headquarters has suffered damage to the very foundations of the building, forcing them to bring in repair crews costing the company thousands of dollars in repairs. We now send you over to Tampa where these freak storms are continuing.


The scene now changes to show another reporter being harried be heavy winds and extreme rain.

Reporter (Shouting over wind): I can't believe I'm doing this but here I am in Tampa Bay where the Tornado that hit suddenly last night is still going, though our expert says it is starting to blow itself out. The damage to the area is extensive as local homes and businesses have suffered the brunt of the damage though ALL have said that they will rebuild after the storm is over. In fact the building we are now sheltered behind is one of the few that has avoided the damage by the wind over night but even they abandoned this building when the tornado began forming outside of town last night.

Scientists are at a loss to explain how this could have happened without them seeing any signs of it forming and global warming experts say this could be just the signs of the disastrous climate changes we have seen. Now the question is…


Suddenly the building the news crew are sheltered behind is struck repeatedly by lightening forcing the crew to run off to another building as the previous one begins to burn as the massive amount of electricity flows throughout the building and huge pieces of concrete are blasted off by the repeated lightning strikes. As the scene finally fades we are left with an image of the sign on the building slowly melting in flames from a direct strike........................................................'R..E PRO WRESTLING G.NER.TION'.)

END FLASKBACK

Molly: Well we’d all get pissed if a rival promotion stole our hard earned title, but this can’t be as bad surely!

Before Katlin can answer a voice from outside interrupts her.

Cole: It won’t be. At least not for the companies buildings.

Swinging around to look through the remains of the window the camera shows ‘Wildfire’ Cole Dragos slowly walking across the expansive lawns of the manor towards where his wife stands. Around him the now raging lightening storm discharges its power into the earth and yet he walk through it all untouched by anything but the light which illuminates his face.

Cole: Butters on the other hand won’t be so lucky

Now standing directly in front of the camera Cole stares down the lens before continuing.

Cole: When I first joined FMW I decided this would be a new start for me. I changed my gimmick, my entrance I joined a new tag partner hell I even went as far as moving back to the UK to focus on my training away from the politics of my island. But you Butters, you just had to screw with us didn’t you?
Never mind the lack of respect you showed to Christian and myself but the pure disrespect and lack of faith you have in yourself AND your partner is truly disgusting.

I know what your thinking that you have the utmost respect for Slegna. Well if that’s the case why did you lay down for him? If you truly believed that he could beat not only myself and Christian but also put aside his friendship with you then why would stoop so low as cheat. As for your lack of faith in yourself well I think that’s obvious from the way you threw away a shot at becoming the top man in the company.

Well that’s your choice if you don’t believe in yourself but now you don’t have world titles to worry about, instead you have to worry about me. When I started fresh here I put aside a part of myself I thought I would no longer need. I left the anger and the hatred I carried, and looked to a calmer career but you have brought it all flowing back to me and now you pay the price because at 11.3 it wont be a Wildfire that you’ll have to extinguish. No, for one night only FMW will tremble under the power of the Lord Of Storms as Lord Dragos once again walks the isle and the building shall quake and the children shall shake as once more the Elements. Shall. RAGE!!!!


As the screen slowly fades to black we are left with the last image of a pair of glowing purple eyes in a field of black.


OOC Vampire Molly and Katlin Blake used with the permision of DM their original user

Now this isn't a knock on Dragos. I'm just pointing out that all of these colors are highly impertinent to the flow of the promo.
Back to top Go down
ppdragos

avatar

Posts : 58
Rep : 0
Join date : 2009-12-07
Age : 37
Location : Reading, England

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Cole Dragos
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: De's 11.3 Feedback   Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:18 pm

Thanx De thats exactly the type of info I need to know if i'm gonna get my promo's to a place that'll get me some where, so I'll try to cut back on the colours a bit.
Back to top Go down
Leviticastform
FMW C-4 Champion
FMW C-4 Champion
avatar

Posts : 349
Rep : 3
Join date : 2010-01-18
Age : 35
Location : Arkansas

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Leviticus
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: De's 11.3 Feedback   Fri Jul 23, 2010 6:08 pm

Feedback me please
Back to top Go down
Vincent Van Rose



Posts : 946
Rep : 2
Join date : 2009-12-30
Age : 41
Location : Leesburg,OH USA

Wrestler Profile
FMW Superstar: Vincent Van Rose
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: De's 11.3 Feedback   Fri Jul 23, 2010 6:31 pm

I would enjoy some feedback bud...
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: De's 11.3 Feedback   

Back to top Go down
 
De's 11.3 Feedback
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Full Metal Wrestling :: Full Metal Wrestling E-Fed :: BACKSTAGE :: Feedback-
Jump to: