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 Frost's Criticism Corner

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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 6:26 pm

Nikko_Nulthy_Nathans wrote:
So does all the other newbs who jumped on your bandwagon and attacked me get a slapped wrist as well?

Nahhhhhh.

Onward to spelling 101.

You, sir, we're the only one in the wrong. If you had meant for this to be friendly debate then extra precaution should've been taken to ensure no one got the wrong idea.

As it was, your rebuttle clearly looked like an attack on me, personally.

If the roles were reversed, my being an FMW "almost vet" and your being a rookie withstanding, I'd expect everyone to jump in on your side. If I had attacked you to begin with, most of the FMW roster would be on me for my unprofessional behavior.

And Gray, I shall try that sir. I just know that on other boards, there is an option to "pin" posts for mods and the like.
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 6:29 pm

So I have to watch what my actions look like as well as they actually are?

"This hooker looked like a girl but turned out to be a guy...I already paid.."

^ Look! Argument relevance in the form of non-linear storytelling.
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Slegna
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 6:29 pm

Not certain posts. However, a mod can split a topic, choosing which posts to move to a new thread, which could be done to your 101s. Then, that 101 topic can be stickied.
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 6:35 pm

Hmmmm, that could work.

I'm in the process of moving my 101's to my first 101 post on the first page.

But I like that idea.

But only if its locked to posting comments. I don't need people trying to go in and discourage others from reading.

Speaking of that, I'm done arguing with you triple N. There's a difference between sound logic and egotistical, stubborn, attention whoring.

You, sir, are the latter.
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Nicholas Gray
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 6:37 pm

I think it being locked would be a bit much since it'd also cut off any legit discussions on it. And you can't edit/add to it if it's locked.
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 6:40 pm

There can be discussions, but only in the Corner.

That way, if someone wants to see a 101, all they have to do is click a link and there they are.

And if they want to discuss it, they can come here and ask a question. I'm completely open to a debate, but as you can see here, posts can accumulate quickly. This has only been up for a couple of days.
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 6:44 pm

Abel Steele wrote:
Listen Hanny I don't really know you (yet...are you on AIM???)but I would like to say that I really appreciate the effort you put into your feedback and especially these 101's.

This is just really good stuff to see and already I have some ideas of how I can improve my next promo just by looking back at 10.1 and holding it up to your 101.

So again thanks for spending your time on this, it is appreciated

And I just now saw this.

The kind words are extremely appreciated. I'm doing this for you guys and a thank you(and maybe some feedback at 10.2!!) is all I want in return.

You all have done that for me.

So, take this post as a thank you for the thank you's. It means alot.

And yes, Im on aim. Sycomaniak316. I made that like six years ago. Lol. I'm not on often, but you never know.
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 6:50 pm

Sorry if I was a pain in the ass asking for feedback. I just wanted to get a few pointers because I'm so used to writing things in the "old style" so I wanted to know how I could change it.

Sorry again. I will never ask for feedback again.

Embarassed
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 6:55 pm

no, no, NO SIR.

We do not apologize for asking for feedback here.

Nothing I said to you was meant to be taken in a negative manner. If it was, i apologize. When I use naughty curse words, it isn't me being angry. I just like to curse. It colors the vocabulary.

When I said I'd feedback the shit out of you, I meant that I want to see how you manage to change up your style at 10.2. At that point, I will give you all the pointers and advice that I can offer.

I'm here to help, sir.
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 7:18 pm

Hannibal Frost wrote:
no, no, NO SIR.

We do not apologize for asking for feedback here.

Nothing I said to you was meant to be taken in a negative manner. If it was, i apologize. When I use naughty curse words, it isn't me being angry. I just like to curse. It colors the vocabulary.

When I said I'd feedback the shit out of you, I meant that I want to see how you manage to change up your style at 10.2. At that point, I will give you all the pointers and advice that I can offer.

I'm here to help, sir.

PSSSTT

That's a female Hanny.
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 19, 2010 9:30 pm

Ha, whatever.

I just really hope that guy checks this out, because I really don't want to be perceived as an asshole.

I was really only trying to help him. But I think my use of the word "shit" in this thread is getting a bit out of hand.
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Abel Steele
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeWed Jan 20, 2010 12:18 am

Nikko I'm a little confused as to what you are expecting to achieve with your attacks on Frost and his 101's. If you are expecting us all to jump on and say "yeh I didn't like your feedback either cos it was mean so shut up" then you are way off", most of us asked for his feedback and have the decency to accept the feedback when it comes as someone else's opinion and use what we like of the feedback while discarding the parts we don't.

If your purpose truly was to highlight that Frost's way in these 101's is not the only style to adopt (and I don't think it is the only way and it may not even be the best way) then you could have maybe given us a 101 or some feedback of your own. You know, add something constructive rather than being destructive and boring out someone who is giving up his free time to do something he gets nothing in return for.

I for one am always interested to see other peoples takes on how to write better and would be just as quick to thank you for your efforts as I was with Hannibal. My guess however is that you have no intention of doing anything of the sort.

And before you pull the vet vs noob argument I don't know Hannibal. He left FMW pretty much right when I joined so this is not me looking out for a mate. I just don't see how you are helping anyone with this approach.
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Christian Moorebyss

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeWed Jan 20, 2010 5:52 am

I wasn't saying it because I was pissed bout your feedback, I said I nwouldn't ask again coz everyone seems to be constantly asking ya and I didn't wanna take up more of your time.

And yeah, um, surely with my sign-up name being Doublemummy I thought I'd be obvious that I'm a chick lol.
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeWed Jan 20, 2010 6:10 am

I honestly had no idea you were a girl. lol.

The kitty should have clued me in, I think. lol.

I've just been gone for a while and I didn't really take a good look at Seth's previous post as I was busy. I just said "Ha, whatever" cuz i knew he at least said something directed towards me. lol.

In any case, women are extremely good writers(minus the twilight lady). My favorite authors are ladies. So, I would very much like to read your 10.2 promo and give you feedback on it.

And everyone is welcome here. Speaking of everyone...


Note of Importance!!!

To everyone who hasn't gotten feedback from me and requested it, I am sorry. I have run out of feedback time this go around.

So, those who didn't get feedback, you have a feedback pass for this cycle!

And PX, a special note to you. In being Television Champion, you must be doing well with your writing. I skimmed over most of it and from what I saw, it was good.
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 12:45 am

Hey, I just read your request. It's not possible, I apologize. Too complex for this board to handle.

Can't you just edit your first post?
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Slegna
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 12:49 am

Slegna wrote:
Not certain posts. However, a mod can split a topic, choosing which posts to move to a new thread, which could be done to your 101s. Then, that 101 topic can be stickied.
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 6:33 am

I do like Slegna's idea.

Rome, if you'd like to try this, I certainly wouldn't mind.
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Skyler Striker
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 6:38 am

Hi. I'd like feedback plz Snowman. Smile
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 6:46 am

My feedback deadline has ended...

The first post in this thread contains rules for my Feedback Passes. I've already read your promo, so i can either feedback this one because you're special, or you can have a feedback pass for a promo this cycle you really, really want evaluated.

If I don't see a response by tomorrow, I'll just do the feedbaxing.
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Skyler Striker
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 7:09 am

I'll keep the pass.

Camp has been exhausting and reading instructions for anything at the moment would put me to sleep on the spot Razz.
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 7:38 am

Ha, good deal sir.
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 5:00 pm

Even thought i have a pass, this was the one I kinda wanted feedback'd Razz

Ah well, I'll be saving this one up
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 5:57 pm

I'll also be saving for the next round.
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 6:48 pm

Sorry, PX...

Just ran outta time.

But remember, guys: Use your passes only if you don't get up ahead of the bulk of people asking for feedback. If you're like, anyone in the first five people that asked, you will get feedback. From there on, I pick and choose the folks that need help the most/or the folks that I can knock out in a paragraph or two.

But don't try "reserving" feedback. Lol. Only ask for it when your promo has been posted.
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 10:14 pm

Hey Hanny, good work that your doing here, keep it up.

Anywho you said you wanted to feedback me, well I'm sorry for not replying til now (The camp and all) but whether it was something you were really wanting to say or just to give me some feedback, I'd like to recieve some from you anytime.


Glad to see you back.
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeThu Jan 21, 2010 10:35 pm

Sorry for not getting back to you, thanks for the feedback Hanny, I'll keep your recommendations in mind.
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeFri Jan 22, 2010 6:33 am

It's a little late now with staff starting up and all. And now my band is back to practicing a lot so feedback this go around is definitely done. Lol.

But, I'm really impressed with you, Leon. I just think a few pointers here and there could really turn you into a world championship caliber writer. Pass or no pass, You'll get feedbacked at 10.2.



And Alistair, no problem man. I can't wait to read more. I'm diggin' your story. And I do believe you will love mine at 10.2. Not to throw at any spoilers, but we've got some of the same elements going on.
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeFri Jan 22, 2010 10:24 am

awesome work with the 101's really think i can improve with your helpful hints!

Also i think that people are reacting so negatively to your feedback because this is called the "Critism" corner... maybe calling it "feedback" corner would work better? Razz

On that note, lighten up people this guys feedback helped many a star improve so don't be so negative on what he is trying to tell you.
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Hannibal Frost

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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeSat Apr 03, 2010 7:58 am

Lethal Injection FEEDBACK


At the moment, I'm only giving feedback to those who give me feedback. Note, I'd like the feedback I get to be longer than a paragraph. It's a courtesy thing. Very Happy

Prince Harles: All you got from me before is really the slap on the wrist for grammar and sentence structure, so here's what I thought of the story. You are far better than me at condensing so much story into a ten page promo. Everything came together smoothly and really hit the ground running. Unfortunately, I didn't get that "holy shit" feeling after the read came to a close. I liked Worm, but I really needed more evil coming from the guy. You know, kill some innocents or something. Always does the trick. I got and loved Harley going back to the make up to strike fear in the heart of Worm, but it would've been much more epic had you waited a bit. A bit meaning: a few more promos. Like, had you racked up some sort of a losing streak in FMW and the city was going out of control. The make up is a huge thing and needed more of a build up. But, it worked for what was intended and it ended up being a strong showing.


RCAlrightIadmitthisguyisprettyawesome: Hmm, I have to say that after the first bit of the promo... I was kinda pissed. I've always loved Austin's little life dilemmas and in this promo... I got some crazy, awesome shit. Then... it was taken away. Don't get me wrong, the story of Cain and Abel is no less enjoyable in its own right, but I already know that story. I wanted more of Austin's, the story I don't know. But, as the promo is, it's a fine read. You're one of the best around with match relevance and this one really shows it. I'm just a stickler for a plot. I easily read through the whole thing as it was enjoyable, but the beginning... man... it ranks high on my list now. I enjoyed seeing Austin get his hands dirty, and in the sickest way possible. I need more of that. Deliver, please, and I shall become a devoted follower of RadiClarity.


Crazy ole' Sy Sy: I'm not going to be doing a !SNAP! by !SNAP! account of your promo, but I will give you some in depth advice and compliments. You do creepy/crazy better than anyone. And I mean out of the authors I've read and the horror movies I've watched(but horror movies suck nowadays, so take that one how you will). I will tell you, while the Harley scenes were very good, you lost some momentum with them for me. Plot wise they needed to be done, but they just couldn't live up to the "chemistry" of Daniel Lincoln and his dead son. I'm not sure if the awesomeness of that can only be tapped once, but I'd give it some more airtime in later promos. We'll see if the creepiness holds up. As for criticism, I don't really have much. Sentence structure could be worked on. Make things flow easier. Also, one of the arts of writing is transitioning. Not just from "chapter to chapter", but from sentence to sentence. Descriptive paragraphs and thoughts should never come out of nowhere. They should be triggered. Say you're describing the way a room looks and you want to jump to an internal thought process in the same paragraph. The transition point should be an object that reminds Sy Sy of something else. Or, say you need to describe a future event or something that Sy Sy must do later on down the road. Don't just say "and Sy Sy remembered yadda yadda." Have a present action or situation reveal it. Sy Sy needs a beer, but that'll be fixed at the bar soon enough, which is where event X will take place(now you can describe event x). Not saying this is an exact example or that you did this. But keeping the transition points in mind while writing will help the flow of the promo and add a little more descriptiveness in between dialogue. The only thing else I can hint on is the length. But I'm sure you know this. As for this promo, the lack of length was necessary. I just hope on later accounts I get longer stories, cuz I luuuuvvvv readin' em.


Last edited by Hannibal Frost on Sun Apr 11, 2010 5:17 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Frost's Criticism Corner   Frost's Criticism Corner - Page 3 I_icon_minitimeSat Apr 03, 2010 10:47 am

Thank you for the feedback good sir.

In was wanting to save the revealing of the makeup, but I figured a title match against Jaro was an effective release point. Given what Lethal Injection represents for Quint. And I understand the kinda premature (lol) aspect of it. Thanks for the words sir.
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