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 Leon's Bundle of Feedback (Sanctuary)

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Leon Caprice



Posts : 1154
Rep : -3
Join date : 2009-11-19
Age : 27
Location : Perth, Australia

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FMW Superstar: Leon Caprice
Championship: FMW Undisputed Tag Team Champions

PostSubject: Leon's Bundle of Feedback (Sanctuary)   Mon Apr 08, 2013 4:16 am

Votes AND FEEDBACK!
Triple Threat Match
Stormmaster vs Trey Spruance vs Drake Parker

Trey: Funny but short, a couple of grammar errors but it was still what it was. Wished for more, but that’s what we got.

Stormmaster: Extra short and a lol moment that it was a few minutes before the card was flipped, if I saw that on TV I would have flicked channels. But in tribute to what you’ve done so far I wish you the best and hope you come back soon.


Singles Match
Leon Caprice vs Antonio Grimelli

Antonio: It was a good monologue that gave a few good points as to how the Elephant Gun perceives FMW, his belt and the FMW universe, definitely gave it traction. And as a point to improve on, I’d like to know more about the Elephant Gun, maybe go into his backstory or what his life is outside of FMW too. Show us the character, not just the words. But good promo.

”Rolled Gold Promise” Match
Seth Rotunda vs Alexiss Machine vs Jack Eastwood vs Butters vs Abel Steele

Abel Steele: You delivered a solid promo, a few grammar and punctuality errors, but that didn’t take too much off of a good returning promo of sorts. The tying point of Pride was of good use, but it did feel packed to the end of your promo, you could have fleshed that out a bit more, but still what you delivered was something that FMW could be proud of.

Jack Eastwood: A short promo that heavily hinted at a lot in the next couple of shows, so unfortunately you don’t get my vote here, but if you deliver what it looks like your hinting too then I don’t think you’ll struggle to get my vote next time.

Seth Rotunda: I felt indifferent after reading your promo, it didn’t wow me or make me interested to read more. A lot has to do with your mix of dialogue and description. You used your descriptions to move the promo on, but when you used dialogue again you didn’t bridge it, so if we didn’t read what Seth was thinking it would have made no sense. The poem at the end was interesting, but it didn’t wow me. Referring to Abel and testing his metal makes no obvious sense and it came across as something that halted any flow you had in your promo. But overall you had a good use of description and flow which still made this promo noteworthy.

Alexis Machine: A good monologue, but although you filled it out, it lacked depth. You touched on Alexis’s past, but I’d love to see more of that. Build a scene out of telling that, heck even if you do a promo to better explain that by reliving it for us. Because ultimately there needs to be a difference between Trash-Talking and Promo’ing and that’s showing the depth of your character and who they are rather than what they can say. Maybe look to put some description into it and detail to us who Alexis Machine really is.


Tag Team Match
Hannibal Frost & Damien Inferno vs Anwyl & Leviticus

Frosty: As is your signature your flow of description was good and an enjoyable read as I’d expect. Shorter than usual and with less detail that usual, but it left a lot of points to carry with, question is: Does Frost look in a mirror and see the face of a monster?

Damien: Short but well detailed promo. Not much to say other than a good taste of what could be fleshed out to a great cycle storyline.



Main Event
**As yet Un-named** Championship Match
Dinner Suit / Evening Gown(s) Match
Santana Braxton & Sage Braxton (C) vs Daniel Prideman

Santana& Sage Braxton: Basically the exact opposite to your opponent, your dialogue is a huge strength and flows really well, however as good as your description is, it wasn’t capturing. Whether its an action, scene open/close or even character descriptions filling them out and putting more in mid conversation could really lift you up higher. Especially with two female characters you could really capture a reader with more description of them and their looks to each other. Overall a great promo too and you get my vote based on the general flow of your promo and how well it read.

Daniel Prideman: An interesting promo, I can definitely sight your descriptions as top class, seriously have them down pat, however your dialogue was a bit over the place which is good and bad. Two suggestions would be: 1) read over it and say it aloud, does it flow, does it make sense? 2) if you change the direction of dialogue mid-conversation then put some descriptive terms about the speakers expressions or body stance, it can help a lot and it immediately draws to your strength. Overall a great promo and have the potential to be a big name in FMW.


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I fight for justice, I fight for goodness and to all those that oppose me...

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Hannibal Frost

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Posts : 821
Rep : 4
Join date : 2009-12-07
Age : 30
Location : Memphis, TN

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FMW Superstar: Hannibal Frost
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: Leon's Bundle of Feedback (Sanctuary)   Tue Apr 09, 2013 8:50 am

Thanks for the feedback bro!
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Braxton
HWU
HWU
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Posts : 438
Rep : -5
Join date : 2011-11-23
Age : 25
Location : Sydney, Australia

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FMW Superstar: Sage and Santana Braxton
Championship:

PostSubject: Re: Leon's Bundle of Feedback (Sanctuary)   Tue Apr 09, 2013 9:04 am

Many thanks for the feedback. I will take it into consideration! Smile

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WIN-LOSS RECORD
Sage: W - 3 L - 1 D - 0
Santana: W - 2 L - 2 D - 0
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